Facts about me that seem to surprise people: I drive a stick shift, I don’t like pie, I totally suck at Scrabble, and I’m an alarmingly good shot with a Colt 45. That said, I really enjoy Scrabble and I really don’t like guns. I was raised by parents who didn’t allow so much as a [...]
One of the few things I don’t like about San Francisco is its boundless devotion to clean streets. The city’s obvious prejudice against mulched leaves means I have to repark my car every few days. As I walked to my car last week to avoid a(nother) ticket, I saw a chihuahua in a pink harness [...]
Last time I played tennis was ten years ago and that was only because a friend’s cute older brother promised to “help me with my serve.” Sadly, all he did was help me with my serve, but apparently lessons from cute boys stick because my serve is still pretty damn good, if I do say [...]
My aunt lives on the coast between San Francisco and Half Moon Bay. Her pets need tending this weekend and so I’m here, basking in the coastal sunshine and trying to steal wireless from the neighbors. Her house is very tranquil – there are tulips on the table and wind chimes on the porch and [...]
Helping Kristin and Scott move into their new apartment – not that I helped so much as I stood in the hallway exercising my pointer finger and realizing how much Spanish I’ve forgotten – I marveled over how much space they have. Room after room after room that wouldn’t require your average eagle to clip [...]
Weather, Uncooperative: Indian summer is tampering with my ability to get things done. Staring at a computer screen is both soul-rending and physically torturous when the sun is shining and tank tops are a valid wardrobe choice. Does that smack of clawing for weak excuses for going to the park instead of working? It does? [...]
I want a dog more than I want just about anything else right now. If someone on the street offered me fame, fortune, the keys to a turn-of-the-century Victorian, and Nathan Fillion to mow my lawn – or – a Boxer Akita-mix puppy, I’d say, “Is the dog house-trained?” My walks take me to the [...]
My body is telling me something, but I have no idea what. For some reason, it revolts at the idea of sending me a nice email and prefers to send the message by forcing me to cling weakly to the cheese counter while the world condenses to the spots floating in front of my eyes, [...]
I contracted the plague on Friday. It masquerades as a common cold, but DON’T BE FOOLED. Due to my current status as disease incubator, I slept in today. As I was trying to drag my weakened carcass out of bed around 10 a.m., a homeless man passed by my window pushing his stolen shopping cart. [...]
When I was a kid, I thought true success meant rising to the top of your field, raking in wads of cash, and vacationing on a tropical island named after you. (Or your dog, if you’re the modest type.) Now, I realize that success really means eating broccoli, exercising regularly, and being able to find [...]
