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I wanted to give him a detailed rundown of my problems, complete with pie charts to colorfully illustrate where his bumper ranks on the list. (Hint: At the bottom.) But my cunning sense of social interplay determined his was a rhetorical question. So I apologized and asked if there was any damage. He made a great show of inspecting his pristine bumper and finally had to admit there wasn’t. Nothing dims self-righteous anger like a polite apology and NOT SO MUCH AS A SCRATCH.

But I hate getting yelled at and I was in the wrong, not to mention half an hour late to work. So I had to pull my day out of the gutter by its proverbial bootstraps, kind of like a 19th-century entrepreneur who shows up at Ellis Island with ten cents and a business plan. But in my story, the bootstraps are really seven chocolate covered almonds.

In that spirit, I present…

Two Things That Make Me Happy. Three, If You Count The Almonds:

1. Rubber Stamps of Affectionate Cats

My mom bought me this rubber stamp for Christmas. He’s either singing a show tune or about to jump into your arms and smother you in cat hair. Either way, I’m always tempted to stamp this on my forehead.

2. Duvet Covers From Swedish Superstores

Also the answer to the oft-posed question, “Why doesn’t she ever get out of bed?”