Ever push a random button on your laptop keyboard and become very, very confused by what happens? Ever bake something and wonder why it doesn’t look like the picture in the cookbook? And take sixteen whole minutes to remember that you aren’t Nigella Lawson and you substituted baking powder for baking soda (because how different [...]
Whenever I answer “Good, thanks!” to the inevitable “How are you?” question, I cringe. You’re not digging ditches in small Nigerian villages, Amber. You’re not knitting mittens for orphans. THEREFORE YOU ARE NOT DOING GOOD. YOU ARE DOING WELL. BECAUSE THAT IS THE GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT ANSWER TO THE QUESTION. Then I get a firmer grip [...]
Hi. I just did something really scary. I wrote an essay and put a price on it. Basically, this has tapped into every fear I have – about money, about not valuing the work I put out into the world, about my capabilities as a writer, about how to design a goddamn PDF. But I [...]
Trying to decide if my friends would disown me if I wore a pair of Crocs to go dancing next Saturday night. The theme is prom, so I have the fluffy dress and my fingerless fishnet gloves if I can find them because apparently all proms happened in the ’80s. (So did my dress, by [...]
Skydiving. Public speaking. Bungee Jumping. Talking to men in elevators instead of staring intently at my phone. (Because a text message from two days ago is so much more enthralling than your perfect profile, Hot Guy.) I’m also kind of freaked out by raccoons, but raccoons don’t end up on many life lists, so I [...]
A canary in Toronto flaps its damn cheerful yellow wings and suddenly my touching excitement about Forward Momentum finds itself brutally quelled by an ambulance ride to the Apple hospital where I sob softly as my six-month-old laptop succumbs to an acute case of Peppermint Tea Spill-itis.* Canadian Canary: 1. Moose: 0. (* The prognosis is…confusing. [...]
I’ve been plowing through five years of blog posts, trying to re-categorize and tag and generally inflict my deep desire to organize on the digital world. (It also gives me an excuse to watch excessive amounts of Community, a show that encapsulates the glorious joy of being alive. And being a slacker. A funny slacker. [...]
One of the things I’m learning (in a hesitant, meandering sort of fashion) is that it doesn’t do any good to speculate on the outcome of a relationship or event, because you just never know how things will turn out. Ever. Even if you think you know, even if the signs seem to point in [...]
1. Dating doesn’t need to be inherently dramatic. 2. Any persistent drama is cultivated by yours truly. 3. That said, if the only way I can get peace, blessed peace, is to stop dating altogether…SO BE IT. 4. The last time I was as patently uninterested in dating as I am now, it was 1986 and [...]
Layer One I dance perilously close to the edge of Bank Balance: Zero Dollars on a regular basis. I don’t have to do this. I could earn more. I could scale back. But tottering on the edge of zero is, oddly, my comfort zone. Despite the fact that it sounds NOT AT ALL COMFORTABLE, NOT [...]
