I’m back on my meditation kick. It tends to sound a little suspect, especially if you’re not from California, but meditation is just the hemp-wearing cousin of your standard Baptist-approved prayer: quiet your brain and connect with something larger than yourself. It all comes from the same place, really – the basic human desire to live a [...]
Bride and groom pledging love, devotion, and solemn promises to clean the cat box more often, while their child giggles in the front row. Dancing and waving red vines in the air like glow sticks, because funk is playing and waving red vines when funk is playing is practically a requirement. I’m sure that’s written [...]
Trying to decide if my friends would disown me if I wore a pair of Crocs to go dancing next Saturday night. The theme is prom, so I have the fluffy dress and my fingerless fishnet gloves if I can find them because apparently all proms happened in the ’80s. (So did my dress, by [...]
I want you to think I’m great. I do. I admit it. Yes, you. You sitting there in your chair or on the bus or wherever you happen to be reading this right now. Also my friends, my family, people I date, people I meet at parties and will never see again, people I sleep [...]
My mother’s cat is a witch. Or maybe one of the lesser demons, disguised by a fluffy pelt. Only a witch or a minor devil could slide past a latched door in the dead of night (fine, 7:00 in the morning) to take a flying leap and land smack in the center of my stomach, [...]
Skydiving. Public speaking. Bungee Jumping. Talking to men in elevators instead of staring intently at my phone. (Because a text message from two days ago is so much more enthralling than your perfect profile, Hot Guy.) I’m also kind of freaked out by raccoons, but raccoons don’t end up on many life lists, so I [...]
I have one skirt to my name. I mean, one normal-could-wear-it-to-the-park-without-looking-like-a-drag-queen skirt. I have lots of ridiculous skirts, because this is the way I shop. Black cotton that’s machine washable and goes with everything? Meh. Black net tutu covered in glitter? OH MY LOVE, I MUST PURCHASE YOU IMMEDIATELY. (This does come in handy when [...]
My friends Leah and Simon are getting married in a few weeks. I officiated their legal marriage a few months ago, the one for the health insurance. Diamond rings and fancy parties are all well and good, but the real romance is in staring down half an inch of paperwork for the goddamn Blue Cross. [...]
