Yesterday morning, I started composing a Happiness Manifesto on the (predictable) premise that I am happy and, damn it, I’m proud of it. Because I fucking earned my happiness. For getting there without the standard cultural markers for such an emotional state – falling in love, getting a new job, buying a house, or populating [...]
My mother has the fluffiest cat in all existence. This thing looks like she belongs on the Arctic tundra. Or is a displaced feline czarina accustomed to riding through Moscow in a specially-built carriage, luxurious pelt obscuring her diamond collar. Rather than a spoiled house cat from Willow Glen. To her credit, Gracie (Her Royal [...]
Merry Whatever You Happen To Celebrate, Even If That Happens To Be Satanism, For Satan Worshippers Always Look a Little Sad and Scrubby and Probably Need a Hug. Not to imply that any of you are Satan Worshippers. But if you are, that’s just fine! Welcome! Would you like a hug? My ghetto holiday card [...]
Still on my Focus On What’s Good Rather Than On Those Other Things kick. Totally works, y’all. DO IT. I COMMAND THEE. Because it will make you happy and I want you to be happy. You don’t have to do it list form, but come one, WHO DOESN’T LOVE A NICE LIST? Am I right? [...]
Do any of you ever go to Safeway and, because you’ve never bothered to get your own Safeway card for all those awesome two-for-one deals on things like frozen pizza and english muffins, stand at the checkout counter frantically scanning through your phone for the number of the friend you know has a card? Then [...]
Hello, people in my computer! Ready for another gob smacking, dog snacking, fob snapping list? (I’ve decided to become more creative with my expostulations. Call it an early New Year’s resolution.) Part of me thinks I should be writing more if I’m going to do these every week, so I don’t overload you on blob [...]
My skin may occasionally revert to its former pubescent glory and inspire me to yell, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!” at the bathroom mirror at 7 a.m., something my upstairs neighbors greatly appreciate. But I’m 32, and so far the only wrinkle I have is the one that appears between my brows after [...]
It seems the Awesome Things That Are Awesome series is sticking, possibly because gratitude is trendy and you know how trendy I am. (Anyone who’s ever seen the inside of my closet is wondering if I’m currently suffering from feverish delusions.) (HEY, JEANS AND T-SHIRTS ARE SEASONLESS.) – Having fun at my uncle’s funeral and [...]
A canary in Toronto flaps its damn cheerful yellow wings and suddenly my touching excitement about Forward Momentum finds itself brutally quelled by an ambulance ride to the Apple hospital where I sob softly as my six-month-old laptop succumbs to an acute case of Peppermint Tea Spill-itis.* Canadian Canary: 1. Moose: 0. (* The prognosis is…confusing. [...]
