Yes, I Think We All Know What Jesus Would’ve Smoked
Posted by Moose on April 6th, 2010. Filed under: Nice Things.On Sunday I went to the annual Hunky Jesus competition and then danced on tables with drag queens and had my first Jello shot. This is apparently how we celebrate Easter in San Francisco.
The schizophrenic weather forced the competition from Dolores Park into what looked like a high school gymnasium. If high school gymnasiums were full of drag queens and open bottles of booze. (Well, my high school actually was, believe it or not. My prom date was gay and we tangoed through the mass of awkwardly-swaying couples like a hot steak knife through butter.)
Why, yes. That IS a condom balloon with a marshmallow bunny inside.
It was truly a sight to behold. Men in giant birdcage hats a la Marie Antoinette. Dozens of Jesus impersonators lining the walls. Crowds of people, many sporting corsets and glitter lipstick. Stilts and white patent go-go boots, rain be damned. (C)hunky Jesus won, but the Medical Marijuana Messiah put up a darn good fight.
Medical Marijuana Messiah and Standard Grade Tighty Whitey Jesus lounge after a tough afternoon of strutting.
Afterward, we drank caipirinhas and ate carrot cake while the rain pattered on the tin roof of the cafe. Soon you couldn’t hear the rain over the laughter and then someone turned up the music and you couldn’t hear anything – especially after the poles were put to good use. We ordered french fries and had to hold the number aloft so the poor, besieged servers could find us in the sea of feathers and bubblegum pink wigs. It was the nicest crowd I’ve ever been in – we made friends with Lord Byron, who kissed my hand every time he passed, each time more drunkenly than the last. My scarf got complimented and when I replied that I made it myself, I was asked if I could knit a headpiece. While I was envisioning my new career as hatmaker to the Drag Queen stars, Blossom Jesus gave me a purple flower. We left just as the party started getting really raucous and walked home in the drizzling rain.
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April 6th, 2010 at 5:25 pm
I see you put that condom to REAL GOOD use.
April 6th, 2010 at 5:45 pm
That is freaking awesome! Way better than my Easter. My lacked condoms and marshmallow bunnies. And chocolate. And eggs. Hmmm…I’m thinking next year I should be in San Fran for a much more festive holiday! Also, you can have a reality show called “Headpiece to the Drags”. Live knitting with great entertainment.
April 6th, 2010 at 6:19 pm
I like the idea of the knitting for the queens for a living. I’ll bet they would keep orders steady for years to come. Imagine…not just one scarf or headpiece, but one in each color. You could get rich! I think you should follow up – you could be the next Moo Roo.
Sounds like your Easter was tons of fun.
April 6th, 2010 at 6:21 pm
“Moo Roo”, meaning, well thought out idea that starts in someone’s home, gets lots of star buy in ’cause it’s so fashionable, and grows big. BIG, I say.
April 6th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
I concur w/ the h.s. part. That sounds like an awesome Easter!
April 7th, 2010 at 11:52 am
That balloon picture is awesomesauce. Frame above the fireplace and underlit via fancy gallery lighting that I can never figure out but don’t need to because, hi, I don’t have millions of dollars to light my walls awesome. And how can any day that involves an affectionate Lord Byron not be made of win?
April 7th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Both of these pictures are hilarious!
Was the second one taken at Cafe Flore (aka Cafe Hairdo)?
April 9th, 2010 at 9:35 am
Aww, I missed Hunky Jesus this year. It really is perhaps the most San Francisco of all the very San Francisco-y events we have.
(I was in Guerneville at the end of last week and there were Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and shirtless gay men. I felt like I hadn’t even left the city!)
April 12th, 2010 at 10:08 am
I can’t believe it took me this long to read your post.
Best. Easter. Ever. (Hunky Jesus competition? Priceless!!!!!)
August 26th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
[...] the camping chairs is in need of them for Burning Man, his girlfriend (also my partner in crime for Hunky Jesus) cycled over to meet me and my spare [...]