Some days I feel like I have things figured out and am trucking merrily along my little path – yes, my little path straight to death, because that’s where it inevitably ends, but at least it’s the right path toward death. Which is a comfort. It probably comes as no surprise that soon thereafter something [...]
When I was in elementary school, I was known as The Girl Who Would Steal Your Snacks. It wasn’t slander, brought on by regrettable but understandable envy of my rosy, winsome cheeks and flaxen curls. Nope, it was pure, unadulterated fact. Twinkies, fruit roll-ups, small bags of Lay’s potato chips, Tootsie pops – all were [...]
I had an experience a few weeks ago that was like getting leadership tips from Ghandi or having Stephen Hawking edit my science report. Or William Shakespeare say he really liked that poem I wrote in the 11th grade about the bell pepper and, yes, you SHOULD send it to The New Yorker, but first, [...]
Here’s the story of how I ended up temporarily homeless after attending a gala performance in an official capacity while wearing jeans that had last been washed in late February and a sweater that would have been more appropriate for a 200-pound man, one who obviously ate tomato soup for lunch. Not to mention the [...]
Now that another week has passed into the annals of history, I have a few additions to my List o’ Things I Want in a Mate. Therefore: 12. A good match for me. Oh, so crucial. A person can be many wonderful things and just not the right one. It’s something to do with inexplicable [...]
My dating exploits are legendary. Mainly because I’m the only person I know who’s still single, so I totally have the market cornered. It’s easy to dominate the field when you’re the only one on it. I was out with some high school friends on Saturday night and, after giving this month’s rundown of romantic [...]
