I Need a First World Problems Hashtag
Posted by Moose on February 2nd, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized.My favorite place to spend money is on what goes in my mouth. So when the Fancy Turkey Sausage People at the farmer’s market yell out, “Best meat in the world!” while proffering toothpicks full of insane spicy goodness, I turn on my heel to barrel over at the most efficient angle. Whether or not someone gets bowled over by my rush to grab three of those toothpicks depends entirely on where they’re standing at the time and how quick on their feet they happen to be. I am the target market of the Fancy Turkey Sausage People. Especially since I like to support local food (blame Barbara Kingsolver) and don’t like to wrestle for parking at the grocery store on a Sunday. So I bought a package of three turkey sausages and oh my good lord, these turkeys must have been raised at the Ritz with a personal staff (teen pop stars to massage their aching turkey wings, nutritionists to prepare gourmet poultry cuisine, unicorns to pull the wagons that transport them to the Ritz pool, etc.), they are that tender and delicious and delicately flavored with fresh organic herbs.
But once you have the fancy, Ritz-bred turkey sausages, you can’t just throw them on a slab of Trader Joe’s wheat bread and call it a day. Before I could eat lunch this afternoon, I had to go to the bakery for fresh rolls. Luckily, there was nice mustard and fresh arugula in the fridge – arugula that doesn’t seem to get eaten unless it’s decorating meat – so my sandwich only required one extra errand and boy, I just dodged a bullet there, didn’t I?
All this to say, I’m quite pleased with my lunch today.
In non-lunch news, I’m volunteering at the SPCA this week to offset my traffic ticket. People working to fulfill a court penalty don’t get the fun Pet the Kitties jobs at the SPCA, they get to do laundry. Which is fine, as I derive twisted satisfaction out of making dirty things clean again. But it involves a lot of polyester, which I pull out of the industrial-size dryer and then realize – for the 16th time that morning – that polyester coming out of a dryer is HOT. So I yelp, toss it in the air, and keep my hands flapping around for the cool breeze until I get everything squared away and remember – for the 16th time that morning – that I really should just hit the “cool down” button before pulling things out of the dryer.
Can you believe an institution of higher education gave me a degree? Yeah, me either. But the Fancy Turkey Sausage People love me.
February 2nd, 2010 at 4:15 pm
God, I want some sausage now…yummy. And as Queen of First World Problems, I SALUTE YOU.
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Oh, I want that lunch. That sounds so divine!
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:28 pm
Um, unicorns that drag the turkeys to the pool at the Ritz is the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:36 pm
Anyone want to play a fun grammar game? Well, fun if you’re a complete geek. Like me. AND I KNOW YOU ARE.
The first sentence of this post is driving me insane. But I couldn’t figure out how to fix it in the time that lapsed before I decided I should do something else, something that might help pay the rent. So if anyone wants to play Help My Syntax, take your best shot.
February 2nd, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Oh, David would like the fancy sausage. I’m sure of it.
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:26 am
I, too, get a twisted satisfaction out of making dirty laundry clean. Um, in the literal sense.
February 3rd, 2010 at 11:02 am
I still remember going to college and someone on my hall didn’t know how to do laundry. Like at all. Seriously.
(I think I’d go with “My favorite way to spend money is on what goes in my mouth.”)
February 3rd, 2010 at 11:45 am
Changing “place” to “way” might make it flow a bit better, but it’s not like you didn’t get your point across.
February 3rd, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Dear Friend of Canine Companions,
Part of my paycheck goes to our local SPCA, every month, so I thank you for washing the soiled polyester for homeless and abandoned furry friends.
We can compare damaged hands together – I will splay my new-rescue-kitten-scratched mitts next to your scorched palms.
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:19 pm
So, uh…who is the maker of these fabulous turkey sausages?
And as a lover of all creatures cute and fuzzy (and as a human to four furry cats), I applaud you for donating your time. The animals and I thank you for it.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
I had an incident with a searing hot cookie sheet that I sent hurtling around my kitchen last night and wondered very much the same thing about the institution that gave me a degree.
February 4th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Karen: The Fancy Turkey Sausage People are…um…wow. I just went to the fridge to check and came back with SF Grill. Which isn’t very descriptive. So I went to the web site – sf-grill.com – and it says this:
“A Culinary Circus Troupe offering an Eclectic, Avante-Garde, Grass-Roots, Outdoor URBAN Fine-dining Experience.”
WHAT? And, uh, AWESOME.
February 5th, 2010 at 10:43 am
Is this the Farmer’s Market at the Ferry Building? I go there whenever I come to SF and park myself in front of the cheese and sample EVERYTHING. And then I leave without buying anything because, well, I don’t live in SF and when I visit, I don’t have a fridge so I generally don’t like to travel with stinky cheese.