This Thing Should Be Called Diary of a Neurotic, Good Lord
Posted by Moose on January 7th, 2010. Filed under: Friends.I love having people over for dinner. Love it. In fact, I wish you all lived within geographical spitting distance so I could invite you over for latkes and pork sausage – which, incidentally, is what I served Kristin and Scott when they were here on Tuesday night. They were very gracious about how long latkes take to fry up and how much smoke fills my apartment as they do. They were also quite forgiving of the fact that I bought a new brand of Trader Joe’s sausage that was astonishing in its cheapness and that’s probably why it looked like dog food – but tasty dog food! – by the time I was done with it. (I’m really selling this, aren’t I?)
I love planning the menu and buying cheese and crackers and even cleaning my hallway. Cleaning is so much more fun when you know someone’s going to see it and maybe even think you live that way all the time, when in reality sixteen spiders were evicted, along with a month’s worth of dust and the inevitable dust rabbits (less cute than dust bunnies) that accumulate when stray hair leaps off your head like a ravening mountain lion onto a tender gazelle carcass. (Please note: I also clean up the gazelle carcasses before having people over.) But it’s been a long time since I’ve had friends over for dinner, despite my joy in the general experience. Because the squirrels using my cerebellum as their playground keep getting in the way.
Latest Episode of Unfathomable Excuses My Brain Cooks Up To, I Don’t Know, Avoid Being Happy?
1. My apartment is too small to have anyone over.
2. Nobody will want to set aside an evening and truck all the way over to my kitchen just to eat something that might strongly resemble cafeteria food by the time I’ve subjected it to my artistic process.
3. If I invite a couple, the male half will be bored because there’s no male counterpart to entertain him. Unless I find a cardboard cutout of Harrison Ford in Star Wars, and even then I’m not sure Mr. Ford will be much of a conversationalist.
4. It’s expensive to have people over.
My Ego Needs a Good Stomping, a la Lucille Ball in Her Vat of Grapes. Because, COME ON.
Rebuttal, point 1: My apartment can hold three people easily, more if nobody’s claustrophobic.
Rebuttal, point 2: Who doesn’t like a mini dinner party? NO ONE WHO EATS, THAT’S WHO.
Rebuttal, point 3: Have you considered that you might be giving these lovely, sociable men too little credit? Yeah.
Rebuttal, point 4: I didn’t actually do the math, but I’m pretty sure I fed Kristin and Scott (and myself, plus leftovers) for about $10-15, thanks to the magic of Trader Joe’s. Next time I will spring for the sausages that don’t curl up in fear if you put them too near a leaping flame. I do have some standards.
I’m glad I’m having people over again. Extra glad I did a little ego tromping, because that sort of thing extends way past regular dinner guests. So if I ever hear of you NOT doing something you love for such pitiful reasons, I will force my way into your kitchen and feed you home-cooked dog food.
January 7th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Um, the latkes and schnozzage was so delicious I’d ditch MC tonight to come over for a second batch. Stop Tina Fey-ing yourself woman: You are amazing in the kitchen (you thought I was going to say something else at the end there, heh?).
January 7th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
I wish I lived closer. I’m a sucker for a dinner party.
January 7th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
“Cleaning is so much more fun when you know someone’s going to see it and maybe even think you live that way all the time”
Oh man, truer words were never spoken. I would like this on a t-shirt, maybe half on the front and half on the back so that it fits (or it would have to be a bloody big t-shirt.)
January 7th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Now that I know you *like* dinner parties, than I’ll be deeply saddened if I don’t get to experience one the next time I’m in SF
January 7th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Trader Joe’s has some frozen latkes that are really pretty darn good when warmed up in the oven. Not dinner party-ish or as good as smitten’s, of course, but when you are having a Break Glass In Case of Carboyhydrate Emergency moment, they are pretty amazing to have in the freezer.
Not that I have ever had one of those moments, but you know I’ve heard….
January 7th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
I feel the same way about dinner parties! I always feel so great when I have people over, but the excuses. How they pile up.
And yes, I’m fairly sure my apartment only sees a good deep clean before people set foot in it. Which is more rare than it should be.
January 7th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
I feel the same way about dinner parties! I always feel so great when I have people over, but the excuses. How they pile up.
And yes, I’m fairly sure my apartment only sees a good deep clean before people set foot in it. Which is more rare than it should be.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:00 pm
“Stop Tina Feying yourself”—hahaha. That was funny, Kristin.
You sound like a fantastic host. Just to be sure of this hunch, however, I will gladly come over and let you feed and entertain me.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
If you can show me how to make latkes, I’ll treat you to a night at Smuggler’s Cove. My latkes are an embarrassment to potatoes. Which is saying something, potatoes don’t embarrass easily.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:32 pm
…scurrying in the corner to tromp on my own bitterly negative ego. (Small apartment? I’ve said the VERY same thing.)
*sigh*
January 7th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
It always amazes me how much I love to have people over! I’ve gotten a lot better at it in recent years, but yes… I used to do the same thing.
The images of sausages recoiling in fear is giving me the giggles.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
You should totally have me over to dinner. I don’t take up that much space.
And D. and I are back together, so you can have him, too, if you’re so inclined. He’s usually pretty good at talking to girls, having to put up with my babbling on a regular basis. 
Plus, he always shows up to dinner parties with really, really good booze!
Knitting next week? I’m getting settled this week, but hopefully I’ll be ready to be social again by next week.
January 7th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
I wanna come over for dinner! Especially if there are latkes involved.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Now I want latkes. And sausage. And a Trader Joe’s in my country.
Good for you, girl. I love having people over as well…even though I get into quite a tizzy getting everything prepared.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Um, the last time I ate dinner at your place, I accumulated a recipe I will clutch until my last days. A recipe you cooked! So take back any besmirching you did of your cooking! Take it back.
But seriously, I’m glad you’ve gotten over these fears.
And besides, even menfolk need the occasional airing out in public. They get musty when left at home all the time.
January 7th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
Camels: I beat MC Hammer with my latkes? Awesome. My 13-year-old self is very proud right now. “Tina Fey-ing” = nice. Consider yourself forewarned of my pending plagiarism.
Jennie: I wish you did too. I’m a sucker for good people at my GOOD dinner parties. See how I stopped Tina Fey-ing myself there? And how quickly I descended into the depths of aforementioned plagiarism?
Nothing But Bonfires: If someone made that T-shirt, I would wear it. Though it might make me feel guilty about the last time I mopped the floors. (As in, before the T-shirt was conceived or even thought of.)
Holly: I’m constantly in a Dire Need for Emergency Carbs state. I sense a run on TJ’s frozen latkes.
Amy: I’ll make you latkes! And if they burn or fill the apartment with smoke, we can walk to Little Star.
Christina: Excuses are hereby banished! Avast, ye scoundrels!
Teej: Hunches should be scientifically validated. You should come over. From Mozambique. How’s Saturday?
Humu: Done! And latkes have one essential step that can make or break them; once you have that, they’re super easy. (Hint: it involves cheese cloth.)
Sarah: TROMP! Say it in all caps, it works faster.
Abbersnail: It’s really not that hard, and yet I consistently make it a big deal. WELL, NO MORE.
Holly: The latkes (and ice-skating) shall be thine, if you’re ever in SF. (Pesky central California.)
Angella: Trader Joe’s is mecca. Not to brag.
January 7th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
There were Trader Joe’s everywhere in Phoenix but somehow there is not a single one in Colorado. I need them to fix this. I’m so jealous of people who live near Trader Joe’s.
January 10th, 2010 at 5:20 am
Mmmmm, latkes. If you are ever in Michigan, you are more than welcome to come over to our tiny space for latkes, bacon (because I like bacon a bit better than sausage) and wine.
January 10th, 2010 at 8:59 pm
Maybe I should have people over to motivate me to clean. THAT’S THE TICKET!
January 11th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
YUM. Such a delish dinner and fabulous company. And as far as a male counterpart, generally speaking I prefer the company of intelligent women. Just sayin’