Zen Is a Long Way Off. In the Meantime, I’ll Settle for Reasonably Cheerful.
Posted by Moose on November 23rd, 2009. Filed under: My Brain Needs a Drink.Today was spent trying to avoid being cranky. I was cranky and I knew I was cranky but I didn’t want to be cranky so I fought the cranky. I tried to work, I took a long walk, I went to a show, I tried to nap, I tried to get an eggnog latte and was thwarted. TWICE. BY TWO SEPARATE COFFEE CONGLOMERATES. Finally, at about 7:30 p.m., I said, FUCK IT. Possibly out loud. Definitely in caps. I decided that I was cranky and that was OK and in fact, I was going to revel in being cranky. TAKE THAT, CRANKY. Sure enough, I felt better ten minutes later. Figures. I’m sure there’s a lesson in there somewhere and I’m going to assume that lesson is BUY TRIPLE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES. THEY MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.
It’s possible I was cranky because I went to a meditation class last night. (If you’re not of the hippie persuasion, imagine catechism class but with more gongs and a faint whiff of pot smoke.) The teacher suggested waking up at 4 a.m. to meditate for 20 minutes before going back to sleep. The man was a veritable bastion of serenity, so I thought I’d give it a try. Judging by the way my day went, I’m thinking that getting up at 4 a.m. will only happen again if my duvet erupts in flame. Some people find enlightenment when they meditate, I apparently find the profound urge to stamp my foot in fury if a teenager tries to deny me an eggnog latte. Serenity Experiment No. 327 = FAIL.
I know exactly what I need to do to make myself feel better – I need to exercise more frequently, I need to ruthlessly slash the sugar, etc etc. The more desperately you need to do it, the harder it is. But that’s just life. On the wagon, off the wagon, chase the wagon through three counties, decide the goddamn wagon can roll into the Pacific Ocean for all you care and sit down to eat triple chocolate chip cookies and knit a red hat.
Anyone need a red hat?
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November 23rd, 2009 at 12:47 am
P.S. I’m serious about that red hat question. No idea what I’m going to do with this thing.
November 23rd, 2009 at 2:39 am
I certainly wouldn’t mind a red hat. Definitely if you need to knit it in order to feel Zen!
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:39 am
“If you’re not of the hippie persuasion, imagine catechism class but with more gongs and a faint whiff of pot smoke.”
HAHAHAHA. Just right.
November 23rd, 2009 at 4:43 am
I feel your meditation pain. I have tried the book Potatoes Not Prozac, and that has given me the closest thing to not-trying-to-kill-everyone-who-looks-in-your-way feeling. Also, I do enjoy red hats. Have a good day.
November 23rd, 2009 at 8:08 am
HAHAHA
I chortled out loud at the duvet in flames comment. Why don’t you work out and only eat sugar in moderation? I think that might do the trick and then you don’t have to deprive yourself.
Also, I think your meditation teacher was high when he suggested that 4am thing. How, HOW, could that be a good idea?!
November 23rd, 2009 at 8:38 am
Oh, I would just love a red hat. But now, more than that, I’d love a triple chocolate chip cookie!
November 23rd, 2009 at 8:49 am
I couldn’t deprive myself of sugar. Ever. I just try to eat it in moderation and huff my way around a track a couple times a week. Seems to work ok.
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:35 am
I totally love red hats, I am thinking of starting a collection. And you kind of owe it to me anyway for referencing EGGNOG three or four times in this post. HELLO! PREGNANT!? Can’t be hearing about EGGNOG!
I was also very cranky yesterday, maybe it was something in the air.
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:16 am
I already have a red hat. It’s my favorite, in fact, and one of the big reasons I learned to knit again after several years off. I desperately wanted a red cabled hat with a pom-pom on top, but I couldn’t find the damn thing in any store.
Perhaps we can go hiking soon and wear our red hats together?
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:27 am
Sounds like the hat is spoken for. I’ll settle for a cookie.
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:33 am
I would adore a red hat, though it looks like I’m late to the party!
I sometimes think that if I let myself wallow for a good ten minutes, the bad feeling runs out of steam. I’ve started telling myself, “I am going to freak out for the next five minutes. Then I’m going to do something about it.” It helps me a LOT.
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
[...] woke up to a post by Moose this morning that contained the following excerpt (make sure you’ve swallowed that sip of coffee before you proceed, or you risk snorting [...]
November 23rd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I am pretty sure that getting up at 4 AM to do ANYTHING would make me stabby, not peaceful. That guy has been indulging in too much of the hippie lettuce. Also, sometimes, I just like to verbalize my cranky, loudly, with lots of f-bombs and then I typically feel better.
I suppose we could attempt our no-sugar thing again, but what will become of the holiday desserts?!
P.S. I look fetching in red!
November 23rd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Dude. I’m pretty sure that 4am is the exact polar opposite of serenity. Chocolate chip cookies on the other hand…
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
4 AM is never a peaceful time. Unless that’s the time you’re going to bed after a night of partying.Which I haven’t done in like 10 years.
Oh, that’s a lie. It was July. And a cab driver called me a bitch.
I’m sticking to my first thought. No good comes at 4 AM.
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Up at 4am to meditate? That is practically Satanic.
Keep knitting red hats, that is obviously a more sane approach.
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:25 pm
The guy who suggested meditating at 4am is probably nocturnal.
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I’m in this no sugar, no meat, no fun stage right now and while my body is feeling pretty good I am kind of miserable. I hope that at some point the misery will be replaced by size 2 pants (who am I kidding, I haven’t been a size 2 since I was in elementary school…but it’s nice to dream, right?)
xox
November 23rd, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I would love some Triple Chocolate Chip Cookies about now. I think I will go and knit.
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:39 pm
4 AM is a bastard hour. It comes at you like a storm and the ONLY way to weather those winds is to sleep through them. Meditation be damned! You know what’s relaxing? Sleep. Nothing good happens at 4 AM.
No offense to anyone who has to wake up at 4 AM for work. You are finer people then I am. Be strong my brothers and sisters. One day you will know the joys of sleeping in.
November 28th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
A red hat and a red tent!