Moose in the Kitchen

When you’re in the midst of great change – after a breakup, new baby, new job, no job – your moods and the situation can feel precarious. (Dear god, I sound like a self-help book. JARGON CEASING. POINT IMMINENT.) You feel amazing at 11:37 but by 11:39, the whole world has crumbled around you like that scene in Amelie when Amelie thinks she’s been stood up by Hot If Unassuming French Guy and she dissolves into water and hits the ground with a slow, arcing splash. Only your life is far less cinematic and you’re not wearing a fetching cotton dress nor are you in a charming cafe; instead you’re wearing frayed blue jeans, your hair has unfortunate spikes, and you’re trying to buy Emergen-C at Walgreens while the dude with the cat in his backpack is glaring at you because you’re using a credit card.

Dear Dude with the Cat in a Backpack,

Stop sneering and feed your cat. She looks like she’s about to wrench the toupee off your head and use it to supplement her diet of wood rat and carpet lint.

Best,

The Woman Who Has a Credit Card, Otherwise Known as a Perfectly Valid Form of Currency, Thank You

Wild situational mood swings suck, no doubt about it, but they also add a rare clarity to life. What I love about times o’ great change is that when you DO feel amazing, you appreciate every single second of it. In a way that rarely happens when things are trotting along well. For some reason, when life looks just as it ought, it’s easy to get swept up in the drama of why did I say THAT unfortunately awkward thing or the unfair parking ticket from the cop who needs a Xanax prescription or a Good Samaritan to rip the ticket pad out of his smug hands. But when essential life details are up in the air and you’re waiting to see where the pieces land, those tiny good moments become crystallized perfection.

I’m past the minute-by-minute and hour-by-hour How Will I Feel Next roulette, and into a succession of good days. But the memory of the mood miasma is still sharp, so I’m extra appreciative of sitting in a coffee shop with a friend and talking about her cello mishaps and my hypocritical web design snobbery, before going for a walk and finding a double rainbow over Berkeley. Or coming home to write while black bean pumpkin soup simmers on the stove. REALLY enjoying that peppermint mocha because they’re a bit more rare now. Walking all the way through Golden Gate Park until we hit the ocean on a warm, cloudless day. Getting a picture of a buffalo wearing rollerskates and a tutu in my inbox. Having projects I’m excited about take shape. Whether that shape is the right shape isn’t the point. THEY’RE NO LONGER FUZZY AND AMORPHOUS.

I have so much. An apartment I love, food in the cupboards, friends & family, a car that runs, an idea of what I want that’s sharper than it’s ever been. This is good. It’s much easier to get somewhere if you know where you’re going.