13 Things You Should Know About Me, Were We Ever To Meet
Posted by Moose on September 23rd, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized.1. Yesterday, I stopped and bought devil horns to wear to work. I do things like this.
Wearing devil horns. At work. The mailman was rather startled.
2. Sometimes I snort when I laugh. It’s a little uncouth, but take it as a compliment. It means I think you’re so funny that I just lost control of my sinuses.
3. I’m blind as a bat without my glasses. Don’t take them from me unless you like watching people run into coffee tables. (And, really, who doesn’t?)
4. I don’t own a TV. This puts me at a conversational disadvantage.
5. I love food. Love it. Steak tartar, grilled cheese, peaches, foie gras, Kettle Chips, marshmallows, spicy tacos. I’m trying to curb my insatiable need to devour anything in my path, both because it’s more polite not to inhale all the snacks and because I tend to think vegetarians and vegans have the right of it. But as it stands, I’ll eat pretty much anything. Especially bacon. Hello, bacon. Also, food can be exponentially improved by the addition of doodles.
Lunch leftovers, Brian Andreas-style. He’s become well-acquainted with my sweet tooth. In a “where’d all the chocolate go?” sort of way.
6. Sometimes I’m talkative and verge on the charming, sometimes people mistake me for a ficus plant. I haven’t quite parsed this phenomenon out yet, but it may have to do with how much sugar I’ve eaten or the turning of the tides. Who knows. If I meet you, I will do my best to be entertaining and not make you wonder if you should water me lest I expire quietly in the corner.
7. I enjoy trying to subvert the world to my whim. USING THE POWER OF MY BRAIN. (I watched the Matrix one too many times, people. There is no spoon.) Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Yesterday, I lost track of time at work and realized that I had 23 minutes to get to an appointment in the city. Taking the Golden Gate Bridge from Sausalito to San Francisco and parking takes anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour, depending on the day and the speed of the SUVs in front of you. When I was climbing into my car at 6:07, I decided I was going to be climbing out of my car on the other end at 6:32. Unrelenting in my stubbornness on this matter, I somehow sailed up a hill normally clogged with cars and pedestrians leading ornery dogs. Lights changed as I approached. I dodged construction and pulled into a parking spot only a few blocks away. I got out of my car at 6:35. I WIN. HA!
8. I firmly believe any situation can be improved by the addition of monkeys.
9. I don’t follow instructions well.
This post created for The Blathering, a band of lovely ladies I’ll be meeting this Saturday.
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:18 am
BACON. We go through about five pounds of bacon a week in my house. But the four-month old doesn’t eat it, so yeah, kind of disgusting that my husband and I can inhale so much.
And you are adorable. Can’t wait to meet you!
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:20 am
It’s all so clear to me now. The Blathering needs MONKEYS.
Do you know where can I get some monkeys on sort of late notice?
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:32 am
You kill me, you are hysterical. Can’t wait to have a chat this weekend!
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:04 am
On my honeymoon, I ate bacon every day. That’s not hyperbole, I ACTUALLY DID. I mean, it was sort of a personal goal and all ANYWAY, but Australia made it so easy. They eat so much bacon! Bacon every day! Bacon for every meal! Not just breakfast! Once I even had it TWICE IN ONE DAY, for breakfast AND dinner.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:06 am
Please bring the devil horns this weekend. PLEASE!!!?
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:04 am
It’s nice to meet another woman who is honest about her love for food. I love food too, but feel weird admitting it because people always give me weird looks. I don’t get it! I think it’s because they’ve missed out on good food.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:17 am
I think you’d be a blast to hang out with.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:20 am
Mmmmm. Bacon. I have formed an entire relationship solely out of our mutual love of bacon. During my first pregnancy, I consumed more bacon than most would consider humanly possible. I also gained 85 lbs during said pregnancy. Pure coincidence. Right? See you saturday!
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Bacon? Yes please, but only if it’s wobbly. Bacon should not be overly crispy–I should NOT be able to sharpen my breakfast, prison shiv style.
Food? Also yes. Please come visit me in Colorado so I can foist my collection of Smitten Kitchen recipes on you, as my husband is a staunch carnivore and refuses to eat ANYTHING that has been in the same room as a vegetable. (This? Is NOT hyperbole. Seriously, he won’t eat veggies. Drives me NUTS.)
Costume choices for work? Hells yes! I’ve been known to wear a green wig if the situation warrants it…
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:13 pm
OMG, I love Brian Andreas. He’s a genius.
::calming down::
I love food too. And I love fake bacon. (I’m a vegetarian and haven’t made it to veganism yet.)
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Adorable, just like you. So happy you’re going; so bummed that I’m missing it! Screen all the other Blathering guests for me, will ya?
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:25 pm
I’m sorry, after you brought up spicy tacos and bacon you lost me forever. Mmmmmm….bacon.
xox
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:52 pm
I’m a snorter, too. Um, btw: I got in touch with Maggie and I’m crashing the party for a bit this weekend. I am soooooo excited to meet you. Also, scared to freaking death.
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Monkeys? Really?
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Dammit! We forgot the monkeys!
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Everyone posted about the bacon.
OMG, Brian Andreas drew art on the take-out box! I’d be wondering about how to get all the crumbs out so it doesn’t attract ants and looking for a shadow box to put it in.
September 24th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
WOW, love the devil horns!
September 24th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Since you can obviously control space and time with your mind (kinda like Tom Cruise) you should really work on winning the lotto. I’ve been trying to do so but my brain powers must be deficient.
September 25th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I have three words for you.
BACON. WRAPPED. WATERCHESTNUTS. YUM!!!
Not so good for you, but oh so delicious.
September 26th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I only count nine thungs about you!
I demand my other five!!
Please?
September 26th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I only count nine things about you!
I demand my other four!!
Please?
September 26th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
blt tonight. I disapprove of my vegetarian mother’s love for Bacos. The devil horns, combined with the snort must be perfect!
September 27th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Is the doodle a monster or just someone with pointy teeth?
September 28th, 2009 at 7:41 am
I was going to comment on the only 9 of the 13 promised things too (good eye, Frank). I really enjoyed learning the 9…I too want the other 4. pplleeaassee
September 29th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Pet Peeve: I like your glasses! Can I try them on?!
NO! You may not try my glasses on! They’re not a damn fashion accessory, I need them to SEE STUFF.
(I really needed to get that off my chest apparently)
September 30th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
i wear devil horns around the house for my kids — 2 & 1. i used to wear cat ears to clean until i lost them.
October 12th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Three cheers! for no T.V. (Also: SOLIDAIRE.) (Also: I heart Hulu, amen.)