My New Dog Will At Least Have the Grace To Look Ashamed Afterward
Posted by Moose on September 3rd, 2009. Filed under: Love.I want a dog more than I want just about anything else right now. If someone on the street offered me fame, fortune, the keys to a turn-of-the-century Victorian, and Nathan Fillion to mow my lawn – or – a Boxer Akita-mix puppy, I’d say, “Is the dog house-trained?” My walks take me to the park so I can watch a Bernaise thoughtfully sniff a pug’s butt; I smile at dogs on the street, my head turning automatically to watch them pass; I judge the swiftness of the person on the other end of the leash, wondering if I can snatch up the dog and make it to the next neighborhood before the owner catches me. (I would never actually do this. I would only think it. And balance the practicality of my shoes against the relative weight of the dog.)
Sometimes it seems like the world is divided into two diverse sectors: people who adore dogs and need no explanation for my deep yearning and those who think dogs are only good for doing unsavory things on the carpet. I suppose there’s a third group: the people who eat dog for dinner. I try not to think about those people, the same way I try not to think about the calves who exist to become veal cutlets. One of the main reasons I feel the need for a dog so deeply is because there were many ways in which Meeka Dog taught me how to love.
Years ago, we went to the Russian River for the day to drink beer and frolic in the water, as you do. Or as we do. Meeka Dog most assuredly did not. She had very specific views of water, none of which were complimentary to the water’s character, intelligence, or personal hygiene. But she got very distressed at being left on the bank when her people were off cavorting in the dangerous elements. Her whimpering pitched higher and higher, until finally she plunged nose-first into the cold water and started swimming toward us. Something she’d never done before and possibly hasn’t done since. She paddled toward us, looking petrified, until my boyfriend caught her in his arms and held her up until she relaxed. My heart cracked open that day, and dogs will now always have a place there.
To this day, when I see a dog in a car or jumping on its owner, my heart turns inside out. AND I WANT ONE. VERY BADLY. I apologize for the sap quotient here, but you’ll get over it. Sometimes sap is necessary and not just because it’s tasty on blueberry pancakes.
Even though San Francisco is a very dog-friendly town, it’s damn hard to find a landlord who will accept anything larger than a well-fed hamster. Owning a dog is, residentially speaking, a pain in the ass. So before I can go to the pound – with friend in tow to keep me from coming home with five pets instead of one – I have to move. And before I can move I have to do a whole list of other things that, frankly, sound exhausting. But finally having a dog of my own would enrich my life in so many ways that it’s time to finally make the jump from Feckless Being With No Responsibilities to Still Mostly Feckless Being Who Now Has To Walk an Impatient Pup. And I should do so before I’m arrested for dog-napping and have to flee the state. Luckily, I’m finally at the point where the possibility of ruinous vet bills don’t make me automatically assume I’ll be eating Top Ramen and table salt for six months to save my dog. (That said, I would prefer a pet who doesn’t devour bath toys. In spite of the brilliant conversation piece possibilities of a $5,000 X-ray of a rubber ducky.)
Whenever I mention being a hermit, the pagan gods of iCal decide to prove me emphatically wrong and suddenly I don’t have a free day until October. So it’s still going to be a few months before this all comes to pass. But I think Halloween might be a perfect time to move. And by Christmas I plan to have an apartment large enough to fit a full-size tree and a dog to lift its leg and pee on it.
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September 3rd, 2009 at 8:11 am
Yay! I’m so happy for you. Dogs are the best.
September 3rd, 2009 at 8:42 am
Oh oh oh! I want a dog so badly. Our landlord would probably let it slide, but we just aren’t home enough to take care of a dog the way I would want to. I’m just waiting for the day…
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:03 am
I’m picking my girl up this weekend from an extended stay with my parents, and I couldn’t be happier.
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:06 am
Good luck!
Dogs make me happy too. I have 2 and I still have to go pet the ones outside the coffee shop that do not belong to me. They can be a real pain and at times I want to give them away…but at the end of the day, my short little non-running legs would be able to not only catch you but kick your a$s too if you tried to dognap my little animals. I hope the time comes soon for you to have your 4-legged companion.
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:22 am
Well now, today is your lucky day! I’m willing to offer you 1 (one) slightly used Weimeraner. Dumber than a box of rocks, he is an affectionate pet that will protect you from other dogs, trees, ponds and men in running shorts. He is a healthy dog with a varied palate (to date he’s eaten:
blanket (one)
blanket, regurgitated and RE-eaten (one)
cupcakes, chocolate (two dozen)
muffins, blueberry (twelve)
tree branches (many)
Kong, “indestructible” (three)
drywall, installed (lots)
dogfood, 40lbs (one sack–in a week. Unbeknownst to us.)
Act now and I’ll also send you my parents’ weiner dog, who sounds like a weed eater when he growls. Tempted?
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:10 am
My boss’ wife just brought in their Golden-Doodle puppy. I have never seen a cuter dog in my LIFE. Sigh. One day.
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:23 am
Having a dog drives me crazy sometimes but it is so worth it. Just DON’T GET A BASSET HOUND. I REPEAT: NO BASSET HOUNDS. I have two dogs and guess which one MAKES ME THE CRAZY?!
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:52 am
I, too, am one of the people who understands this need without explanation. We have two dogs (a Peekapoo and a Cockapoo– poodle mixes that don’t shed, which is awesome). I can’t imagine life without them.
As if their unending affection isn’t enough, dogs are a great way to meet other people– such as at the dog park or someone in the building to let them out when you have to work late. It makes me wish I had gotten a dog when I was single– I don’t think I would have been single so long.
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:31 am
Me too. I lost MY dog in the split. She was a pain in the ass, but she was MY pain in the ass. It’s been a year and a half, and I still miss her every day.
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:47 am
I’m very much with you on Dogs, the Fabulousness of. Before we got our dog, Luke, we worried about whether we’d have the time, the money, the etc for a dog. Now, it’s hard to remember life before Luke.
September 3rd, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I really want a dog too. But I don’t think the cats would like it and I just got the one cat to stop peeing on the carpet. Plus, I’m never home and that’s not fair to a pup.
But I can’t wait to have one! I love going to visit my brother and his little pug puppy, who isn’t so little anymore!
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I have two things to say:
1. I love and adore dogs. I am especially fond of Dobermans and Portuguese Water Dogs.
2. Nathan Fillion. Really?
3. the keys to a turn-of-the-century Victorian – give this to me
I know. That’s three things.
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:12 pm
That’s such an adorable story! I have the world’s most worthless dog but he’s really cute so we keep him anyways.
He’s at his grandma’s right now and we’re so sad without him. I can’t wait to meet your new family member!
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
YES! I’m here most of October so I’ll be a second opinion if you need
I also am suffering severe dog envy/heart pangs, especially after delivering my mom the world’s cutest dog and then having to leave her behind days later. Sigh.
September 3rd, 2009 at 6:09 pm
You can have our dog!
I’m kidding. Maybe.
I’m in the fourth camp: Those who didn’t really want a dog but will tolerate him because the kids (and the husband) adore him.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:53 am
Oh, you MUST get a dog. That’s more of an agreement than an order because you already know it, and who am I to boss you around? Only a fellow dog lover, THAT’S WHO, and we can talk to each like that. But I’m not bossing, really.
What kind of a dog are you thinking? A specific breed? A big, lovey, shepherdy-type pound mutt? Whoever grabs your heart and won’t let go?
September 4th, 2009 at 5:38 am
Dogs make the world a happier place! He/she may also be the ticket to meeting another love in your life…they force you to get out of the house and go to social places. You could meet someone and become a two dog household. I see good things happening!
My parents are getting a Shorkie (Shit zu/Yorkie, another non shedder) in two weeks. I can’t wait! I already have a dog and don’t need another one, but I’m so excited to be able to live vicariously through my parent’s pup for a while.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:14 am
I have three miniature Dachshunds, and they are my babies. They bark at EVERYTHING, barf more than I (or my washing machine) could have anticipated, and will probably be the death of me, what with ingesting things that should not be ingested, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world. I hope the time between now and when you can get a pup goes quickly, and in the meantime, my three are delighted to send kisses and snuggles your way. They’ve got plenty to spare.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Well I’m more of a cat person, but somehow I ended up with a cat that acts suspiciously like a dog.
So if that person with the fame, fortune, the keys to a turn-of-the-century Victorian, and Nathan Fillion turns up send them my way, would you?
September 4th, 2009 at 10:47 am
YES! My little girl is my best friend and has seen me through two failed relationships and a current not-yet-failed one. Having a dog, when you’re a single girl who frequently lives alone, is the BEST. Good luck!
September 4th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I just came back from a camping trip with my friend’s dog (and the friends of course). I too am waiting for my living arrangements to allow a pooch in my life.
I like cat’s too. And my other half wants a pig and a donkey. Pity we’re not country folk.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Sharing your life with a dog is a love like no other. I have been missing having a pup but am not ready to get one. For now my cat Dash acts enough like a dog to sustain me. But I get you. Dogs are fabulous. No explanation needed!
September 4th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
ahhh I am so a dog person, like so much it is borderline scary. I am so happy for you!
September 5th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Oooh, I can’t wait until we can get a dog!! My daughter and I are desperate to get a dog. My husband, on the other hand, not so much! It’s a good thing we outnumber him. We’re waiting until we get our backyard fenced so we can let the dog out with out worries but it can’t come soon enough(either this fall or next spring)! Getting a dog is a lot of work but oh so worth it!! I’m so happy you’re going to make the changes needed to get a dog(plus changes that’ll be good for you in the long run, too)!!
September 6th, 2009 at 4:11 am
I sympathize, it took me ten years to finally reach a point in my career when I could afford a NICE place that would accept a dog larger than a chihuahua. The week after I got the place, I paid $TooMuch for a breeder’s upcoming litter of boxers. I was so excited!
A week after they were born, I was passing by a dumpster and heard a dog barking. I looked inside and there was Juliet – a Cavalier mix with gashes on her side. After $TooMuch in vet bills, she is mine – the Boxer puppy went to a loving home, but Juliet is mine forever, and a sweeter dog could not be imagined.
Your right place, your right time, and your right dog WILL find you. Hang in there.
September 6th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Before I had a dog, I always loved the idea of one, but I was a little hesitant about the pain-in-the-butt realities of actual dog ownership. But since taking the plunge six years ago, I’ve never looked back. I get sort of weepy thinking about how much I love our dog and how much he adds to our life just by being here. (Sap alert!)
Clearly, I will be beside myself when you are in a dog-friendly situation. I’m so excited for you.
September 8th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
After moving into my place a year and a half ago I finally was able to get a dog. She is such a wonderful companion. And after the boy left, she has helped to keep me company and remind me that she still loves me no matter what.
I hope you find a dog friendly apartment right on your timeline and get a furry friend to warm your heart!
September 8th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I’m personally looking into doggie day care and trying to talk Mr. A into the same. Spouses are a pain.
September 8th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I also want a dog very badly, but I have this pesky cat. And, also a pesky apartment. BUT, the guy that lives above me has a dog that is pretty much a small horse and I’m willing to use that as a bargaining chip with my landlord if I ever do decide to get a dog.
September 9th, 2009 at 9:10 am
There are a million reasons we can’t have a dog right now (three cats, one of whom is terrified of dogs, teeny tiny house, crazy travel schedules for work), but I want one so, so badly. I nearly made off with an adorable lab mix we met hiking on Sunday. It would have been his owner’s fault for letting him run off-leash!
Some people get baby fever, others get dog fever. There’s no fighting it!
September 11th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Christmas will be perfect, because then you can housetrain it while you’re on vacay! Oh, the romping you’ll do!!! It will happen, I FEEL IT!
October 1st, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Firmly I believe for the dog deprived, hotels should have conceriege service who bring a dog to your sleep on bed to comfort those travelers away from their pooches. Also, it shall be mandated that places of employment have a room with a basket of puppies for those who are having a bad day at the office – a massage, I dont need; a puppy, yes!