Puritans May Not Be Much For Drinking, But Boy Can They Compose a Stirring Pamphlet
Posted by Moose on August 30th, 2009. Filed under: Daily Happiness.I just ate four peaches in a row. Thought I would share, lest you ever have cause to question my rabidly devoted stance on stone fruit. This weekend I also witnessed the most perfect sunset I’ve ever seen in my life while lying in the warm grass, and saw a bag of water dangling from a shelf in a coffee shop. The sunset I was content to gaze at, mind drifting aimlessly, but the plastic bag of water required closer inspection. It was in a coffee shop in Hayes Valley, tied about a foot above my head. I circled it, wondering if it was safe storage for a goldfish or maybe a booby trap? Is there a lever behind the counter that can be pulled in case of robbery, sending a handy water balloon onto the unsuspecting thief’s head? In the noble hope that a chafing wet collar will discourage further crime sprees? I never solved the mystery to my satisfaction, as my coffee was ready and I had to pounce on it because I hadn’t had coffee in a whole two hours.
Perfect peaches, perfect sunsets, and mysterious water balloons – yes, a pretty good weekend. I also realized I’d much rather read about Puritans than go out and flirt. Which explains a lot. I planned to make myself go out Saturday night, for reasons that seemed sound – avoid becoming hardened lone wolf, admit value of familial advice, etc. – but crumbled in the face of putting on pants. My aunt recently instructed me to get out there, because men can’t find me in my basement den, no matter how nice the hardwood floors are. To which I say, why not? Surely some admirable specimen will be knocking on my door with a bottle of bourbon any day now. RIGHT?
Since I like to limit my rampant self-delusion for Tuesdays and alternate Fridays, I have been considering other avenues for finding love. Like, say, leaving my apartment. But my vow to abandon internet dating sites puts something of a crimp in my style, as I’m so much better at sending email than smiling at strangers. Which implies I go around scowling darkly at anyone who hasn’t invited me over for dinner, and I hope that’s not so. (Is it?) (Really?) (Oh, dear.)
I am a fan of action, all evidence to the contrary, so rather than bemoaning the lack of men on my front stoop, I prefer to jump into the fray, but that requires leaving my house and so we come full circle. I do sometimes take my book OUT of the house, on a nice little field trip with some sort of steaming beverage and carefree human interaction (I have to order that steaming beverage, after all). But I suspect that doesn’t really count.
Living alone, much as I love it, encourages my hermit-like tendencies, is what I’m saying. I imagine I’ll get sick of it eventually – maybe when I present my library card and the librarian says, “Sorry, miss. YOU’VE READ EVERYTHING WE HAVE” – but until then, I’ll enjoy my red chair and the blissful knowledge that the dishes in the sink can sit until large shoe buckles come back in style and it won’t annoy anyone but me.
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August 30th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
You know, I hate living alone. Maybe I’m weird. I did it for exactly 8 months once and then swore it off for good. I’m from a big, crazy family! I like people around!
I think roommates get a bad wrap. I had quite a few that I have loved over the years and it was fun conquering the city together.
(Plus, they make everything so wonderfully affordable and they usually love to keep your pooch while you’re on vacation.)
August 31st, 2009 at 12:22 am
did the plastic bags of water have a couple of pennies in them? I’ve seen those at several places and finally asked and was told they are meant to keep flys away. though I’m not sure how that works…
August 31st, 2009 at 2:35 am
Oooh boy, Lexi’s correct, but they didn’t mention pennies in this answer.
http://www.answerbag.co.uk/q_view/348595
In a pathetic aside: I think Grey’s Anantomy is beginning to take over my life. The first thought that entered my head when I saw the comment above was,”aha,Lexi Grey!”
August 31st, 2009 at 5:50 am
Oh man, I getcha. I also have sworn off the internet dating, which leaves me scratching my head and thinking, ‘So how do people meet other people when there are no emoticons involved?’ How will he understand my appreciation for subtle humor when I can’t express myself with a semi-colon and parentheses?? It’s baffling, truly.
August 31st, 2009 at 8:05 am
I’ve never lived alone. Don’t think I could quite hack it.
But I have been chowing down on some delectable Georgia peaches while home! YUM!
August 31st, 2009 at 8:18 am
I think the mysterious hanging water baggie has something to do with keeping bugs away. I’ve seen them in several restaurants and coffee shops, especially in beachy places. The employees swear it works. I, on the other hand, am skeptical. What, exactly, is there to a hanging baggie of water that would frighten a bug?
August 31st, 2009 at 8:57 am
Was it a bag that had an IV-ish look to it? Maybe they’re using it (like pharmacists use distilled water when they mix up medicine) to make the best coffee ever.
Guys….try going to the book store and it’s coffee bar to see if there are any lurking around there (instead of the public library). You can add it to the Friday night thing to do. Just a thought -
August 31st, 2009 at 9:03 am
The thought of dating anyone? Much less FINDING someone to date? Makes me want to vomit on my shoes.
So it’s lucky I’m married, I guess.
Just to say, I feel your pain.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:33 am
Ah, I was just thinking about how my hiatus from dating seems to have gone on a little long. Ok, maybe a lot long. So I was trying to come up with some kind of action to take, but they all sounded tiring. Thus, I stayed home and watched about 5 episodes of Jericho. Which I am now obsessed with. So now I don’t have any time for dating. Clearly.
Also my friend just told my about the bug/water bag thing on Friday! They had no idea why it worked either.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:55 am
I actually did date a guy who just showed up at my apartment (he answered a craigslist ad I’d placed looking for a roommate), but it only happened the once.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:43 am
I’ve done the hermit thing. It usually involved eating all the Trader Joe’s snacks and chocolate I could purchase the minute I got home from a shopping trip, because no one was around to tell me I couldn’t.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Yeah, keep flies away was my guess, too, but I DO NOT KNOW HOW I KNEW THAT!
August 31st, 2009 at 12:38 pm
The bug/bag-o-water thing is supposed to work because the water refracts the light in the bug’s eyes and the fly freaks out, gets confused and leaves.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Ryan: I laughed out loud when I read this, because IT HAD THE EXACT SAME EFFECT ON ME. I looked at the bag, got confused, and left. We now know I have the brain capacity of your average bug. HA!
August 31st, 2009 at 7:53 pm
I kind of love living alone. I wonder if I can ever give it up?
September 1st, 2009 at 7:54 am
I loved! Living alone, but it had the same hermity effect on me too. Ah well.
September 1st, 2009 at 1:31 pm
My theory, as someone happily married to the very non-sociopathic man I met online: People opposed to online dating are bad at math.
How many people can you meet in person? How much time does it take to discover if each person has any of your “Must Not Have” criteria, or any of your “Must Have” criteria? Let’s say at any given party/bar, there are 2 single people who meet most of your criteria: what are the odds you’ll find them?
The advantage of online dating is the ability to filter quickly. But I understand that I’m a mathy girl, so maybe that means more to me than it does to most
September 1st, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Here’s where I should probably mention that I don’t have anything against online dating – too much the opposite, in fact. Everyone I’ve dated for a significant amount of time came from the internet. I depend on it to what feels like an unhealthy degree. Staying off the dating sites was a choice made of the admirable (if misguided?) desire to try something different. In the end, I don’t really care where I find him, so long as I do.
STILL HOLDING OUT HOPE THAT HE’LL JUST KNOCK ON MY DOOR. SO I DON’T HAVE TO WRITE THIS BLASTED PROFILE.
September 1st, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Seven years ago this labour day weekend, after some fifteen years of not dating, being rather hermity and my beloved family and friends telling me that HE would not knock on my door. Well poo poo on them. He did, he didn’t knock, he phoned after an email, we met for drinks and, well, we haven’t parted. I had known him since I was eighteen, we had dated briefly, since then we had not seen each other (23 years) but, we had kept track of each other through mutual friends. Keep hoping. I’m living proof that HE WILL JUST KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR. (Stay happy and content, be completely whole with yourself and your own life – it will happen!)
September 1st, 2009 at 5:44 pm
I could see this happening to me if I lived alone. I really enjoy being all cuddly and reading good books, I mean, WHO DOESN’T?! sigh I guess we are rarer than we think
September 1st, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Wait, wait! Don’t give up hope. Seven years ago this Labour day weekend my door got knocked on. 15 years of not dating, living a hermity but oh so happy life listening to beloved family and friends telling me that he won’t just knock on my door. He did. There had been an email and a phone call in preparation, but he knocked. We had known each other for 23 years, dated briefly when I was 18 and kept track of each other through mutual friends in that, “Oh did you hear that B is doing this, living there” kind of way. We had drinks, dinner and ten months later were married.
HE WILL JUST KNOCK. It happens.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Oh my god, you are living my life! Well, in so far as the bit about enjoying spending time by yourself in your own special bolt hole is concerned. I’m madly single and have been for what seems like forever, but the thought of getting dressed up on Saturday night when I could have mates over for dinner or curl up on the couch and read a book …? I know which option I prefer. Which of course makes meeting Mr Right so much harder!
September 2nd, 2009 at 5:28 pm
This is why I wholeheartedly suggest datings someone you ALREADY KNOW.
Worked for me!
(PS: The water was to keep flies away. Flies are, apparently, that dumb.)
September 3rd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Man, we are so similar. I love living alone. And it is a chore to get me out of the house sometimes. Especially because when I do, it doesn’t end up with me meeting Mr. Right. Or even Mr. Right Now. It usually results in me spending a lot of money on booze and chatting up a cab driver.
But, hey! That’s fun too, right?