Moose in the Kitchen

The extent of my oblivion is astounding at times. I was walking past the Civic Center on Sunday – a mere two days after my last day at work, I’m like a hardened art thief who can’t resist returning to the scene of the crime to stare at the empty wall and chuckle maniacally because the Mona Lisa is now hanging in my basement – and a nice-looking man stopped me in the street.

“So, I hear you’re not working with us any more. How’s the new job?”

I told him I was starting on Monday and really looking forward to it. He wished me luck and we parted with amicable “Have a nice day”s.

People, to the best of my knowledge I’d never seen this man before IN MY LIFE. But he obviously worked with me and knew I had a new job. In return, I couldn’t tell you his name if the fate of the free world depended on it.

Also in the Category of Failings, General and Specific

I’m not the most socially graceful mammal ever. I mean, my people skills are reasonable – I can make conversation and I’m a nice person and only taste my size nine shoe leather once or so per evening. But I have what might kindly be termed a disarming lack of subtlety. Years ago, I was having dinner with a friend, and his ex-girlfriend walked into the restaurant. He made quiet note of this, and I swung around like my chair was on a turn table and shouted, “WHERE?” Now, I can’t read minds, but the look on his face suggested that, should the opportunity present itself, he would quite cheerfully rip off my arms and use them to beat me senseless.

Knowing this is my downfall, I try to head off any potential social awkwardness at the pass. Luckily, many of my friends are certifiable Southern belles and kindly field my many questions, often with the subject line: WHAT DO CLASSY PEOPLE DO?

What I’ve Learned Thusfar

1. Classy people DON’T lose track of time when planning a Fancy, No-Penis-Straws-Allowed, Non-Bachelorette Party. So that the To Do List item “Find and send fancy, vellum invitations with red sealing wax and pretty stamps” suddenly becomes “Send out massively tardy email.” Oops. (I don’t think anyone minded, but MY GOD.) (Will you all still come to my eventual wedding if the invitations arrive via evite?)

2. When my new job gives me the first day off (How did I get so lucky, you ask? I HAVE NO IDEA), email my favorite people at the old job – i.e. people still languishing in CubeVille – and say, “Hey! Guess what! I don’t have to go to work today!” In my defense, I just wanted to go meet them for lunch. ONE MUST SEIZE THESE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY ARISE. (But still. I probably should’ve kept my flapping trap firmly clamped.)

About that Job Thing

My last day in CubeVille was Friday, and my mood this weekend was downright jubilant. I suspect people sense such things. Do you ever notice that your surroundings pick up on your general mind-frame and echo it back to you? When I’m unhappy – even if I’m doing my best not to let it show overtly – dogs avoid me and babies hide their faces in their mother’s shoulder. When I’m happy, pugs run right up and sit on my shoes, German Shepherds nose my pockets for treats, and babies offer slobbery grins. I was waiting at a crosswalk, about two blocks after my introduction into the Most Oblivious Person Ever Society, when an older man on a bike started making cheerful conversation. I admit, I thought he was going to ask me for money – he didn’t have much in the teeth department and I was in the Tenderloin – but he just wanted to gab while the light changed. Conversation just sort of happens when I’m in a good mood. When I’m not, people notice and steer clear. Or maybe I’m not as experienced a thespian as I claim to be.

But no cheerful front is needed these days: I am genuinely happy. It’s exciting when things start falling into place in unexpected ways. So here’s to all the wonderful things happening – new jobs, babies, successful projects, engagements, weddings, and all the champagne involved in these grand life events. Looking forward to it, my friends.

Related posts:

1. I Should Really Put a Demonstration on Youtube
2. Growing More Attached to this Whole Wedding Idea
3. Life is in the Cards
4. How Plagiarism Can Lead to Gainful Employment. Or, How Wasting Time on Twitter Got Me a Job.
5. A Text Message Would Work Too