Moose in the Kitchen

Last night I got home two hours past my bedtime. I was driving myself and a friend back into the city from Palo Alto and by the time I crawled into bed my brain had shifted from “tired, must sleep” to “tired, must behave manically as prompted by the incessant humming in my ears.” Rather than lying down, taking a few deep breaths and maybe an ambien or a slug of whisky, I flipped open my laptop. Time seems to move differently when the computer is open. I will pay for that today.

[This (and by "this" I mean "inability to function without haphazard drooling") is good practice for Saturday when I haul myself out into the dark, starry night to catch a friend's band at Cafe du Nord. His set starts at 10:30, a time I haven't started anything but dozing since about 1999. We asked if he ever played sets at, say, 6:30. Or maybe a 4:00 matinee? How about the early bird special at Denny's? (No.)] 

In my sleepless haze, I scanned the first page of ye olde blog, something only the writer of said blog ever does. Two phrases that leapt off the page at regular intervals to latch onto my eyeballs like codependent octopi were “Mimosas, yay!” and the dreaded “I’ve been thinking.”

The mimosas (in their singular form, at least) can stay, but the thinking? Well, that just has to go, because it’s never once made my life any better. Except, of course, when I’m considering how the world needs an epic poem entitled “Why The Government Should Legislate The Spending Habits of Hotel Heiresses So They’re Restricted From Buying Unnecessary Sequins and Brutally Blinding the Peasants.”  

I didn’t used to think myself in circles until I didn’t know which time zone I was in. Oddly, I was much better at achieving goals and going with my gut when I was younger. For example:

College: I applied to four schools in California and one school in New York. While the thought of a scholarship to Impressive Sounding U.C. gave me a few moments of practical hesitation, I couldn’t picture anything but Manhattan. So I went and it was an incredible experience. Even though I’m still not entirely sure where I put my diploma or why it’s printed in Latin so I can’t understand what it says.  

London: The entirety of my thought process for studying abroad was “I might want to do this, so let’s start with the paper work.” Suddenly I was on a flight to Heathrow and it was one of the best choices ever made – for the travel opportunities and the skills I gained in fitting four visiting friends into one five by seven foot dorm room. Skills that come in handy now that I live in an apartment the general size and shape of a hallway.

Car: No research, no planning beyond “I want a convertible but don’t have enough cash.” Went to the dealership and essentially just grabbed a four door. It’s served me well for nine years, except for that time I blew out the transmission and had to replace it when I didn’t have enough money for a mocha at Starbucks, much less a major engine part. Oops.  

Moving in with my boyfriend: We had broken up and never really officially gotten back together – until he asked me to move in with him. Over champagne. It quite honestly felt like a marriage proposal. I was leaving the next day for a wedding in England and a trip to the south of France, so I had some time to ponder, but I did little more than make a half-hearted list and decide whether or not it felt right and if the thought of doing it made me happy. It did. Yes, that relationship went rocky after a few years and a smart person may not have made my choice, but I stand by it as the right one to this day.  

Conclusion I’ve Forgotten In Recent Years: Get out of my own damn way. Give something just enough thought to be useful, and then do what feels right and makes me happy in the moment. That’s all a person can really do.

Practical Application For This Now Incessant Post:

What I remember about New Zealand is rolling hills, a cow on the beach, glow worms in deep dark caves, and the preponderance of sheep.

I need a vacation in a big, bad way. I’ve spent a reasonable amount of time thinking about How, When, Money, Why I Shouldn’t Do It Right Now, If Ever. As of right now, those thoughts cease. Buzzy brain, begone! Trips in the works are San Diego for a wedding, Charleston to visit friends, Manhattan to visit friends and family, England to visit Nora before we tramp off to Spain together.

By next week, I will have purchased plane tickets for at least two of these four trips. With no more thought.

Related posts:

1. Cookie Jar
2. Questions That Plague My Days
3. Frequently Asked Questions
4. I Have an Internet Connection and I Know How to Use It
5. Because There’s Nothing More Dignified Than a Digital Device Dressed Like a Sheep