Now All I Need Is a Butler To Carry My Cards On a Silver Platter
Posted by Moose on June 1st, 2009. Filed under: Friends.About a month ago, I was waiting for the train on my way to dinner. I was all decked out in clothes that usually molder in the back of my closet – green silk dress, high heels, and black gunk on my eyes. Tip to any San Franciscans who want to get hit on: Wear a skirt and heels and ride MUNI. (Being San Francisco, this tip works for men and women.) (If by “hit on”, you mean “be serenaded by really drunk and suspiciously hobo-like men until you opt to get out three neighborhoods before your destination just so he’ll stop singing.”) As I was tapping my impractically shod toe and dreaming of pork tenderloin, a guy sat down next to me and made the small talk. When the train approached, he asked for my card.
My card? Is that what the kids are doing these days? Maybe he meant my business card, but I’m not convinced people give business cards to guys who hit on them on the bus. I didn’t have a card, and told him so with a rather flat “No” accompanied by a blank expression that didn’t say much for my IQ. He probably thought I was blowing him off, but I was honestly taken aback. (And, yes, I was blowing him off, but not because I was hording my cards for all the eligible men on the next train.)
Talking to a single friend, I learned that yes, this IS what the kids are doing these days. She described her card – a masterful homage to Oscar Wildean prose – and I warmed to the idea. And decided that if I ever succumbed to this Regency Era Calling Card Craze, my card would have my email address on one side and the other side would say, in the smallest type available, “Small font, big personality.”
Yesterday I really wanted those cards, and not even for prospective dates - for all the randomly awesome people I keep meeting. At a birthday party last night I met a woman who organizes Monday night beer runs (running for beer, brilliant!) – luckily, she had a card proclaiming her the East Bay Beer Goddess. This morning I was walking through Bernal Heights park when I rounded a corner to find a man sitting morosely on a log. He waved me down and asked:
“Do you believe there’s someone for everyone?”
I pulled my ear phones off and considered. I’m not entirely sure what I said, something like, “Yes, though it may not be the person you expect.” He told me about splitting up with someone the night before, how all his friends were getting married, and he was single and turning 30 in a week. Every third sentence was punctuated by a sip from a bottle of gin he’d hidden in a rolled up newspaper.
Listening to him, I thought, “This right here is my male counterpart. Except Venezuelan, drunk, and flaming gay.”
He got off his log and stood on the path with me to share his life story, occasionally covering his mouth and saying, “I’m talking so much shit right now,” before lighting a cigarette and launching right back in. A few minutes later he’d ask, “You’re having fun though, right? You stop me if I’m boring you.” I assured him he’d know when I was no longer amused, and off he went again.
As we stood there blocking the path, he got more and more animated. When I finally said I needed to go – my stomach rumbled so loudly it startled a passing golden retriever – he gave me a hug, and I told him I hoped he’d feel better soon.
“Oh, I already do! I stopped thinking about what was wrong and was just thinking about what entertaining thing I could say next.”
I did nothing but stand there and listen to him for 45 minutes, but I think it was exactly what he needed in that moment. For all the times someone has said what I needed to hear at the time I needed to hear it, or been there for me, it’s nice to be able to do that for someone else. Plus, he was funny. And had some rather original hand gestures.
I totally would have given him my card.
(Conclusion To Be Drawn: The best way to get a girl’s card? Be gay.)
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June 1st, 2009 at 7:52 am
Prime observations. Reading your blog was a great way to start the day – with laughter and your insights. Anxious to see your card – can I be your butler (have got the silver tray in the pantry)? Then perhaps I could enter the blog world with “Adventures with Moosie”.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:49 am
Ooooo, how apropos! I just designed cards on designyourowncard.com the other day thinking that it was high time I had a card. For Pete’s sake, I didn’t even have a card when I lived in Japan which was very much in the “Don’t” column of things to do (or not). The only problem is, I would need two: business and not business. Because, even though I love my job, it’s not necessarily the first thing I want people to know about me. For the really special types, having a letter-pressed card with tons of personality (even in small font) would be pretty awesome!
June 1st, 2009 at 10:21 am
that would have made my day. great story!
June 1st, 2009 at 10:59 am
It all sounds very little house on the pairie. Laura just had to have these special cards made up so she could give them out to all her friends (and Alzono Wilder). I think hers had a spray of cornflowers on them? Why do I remember this?
June 1st, 2009 at 11:23 am
I have cards. And yes, I have given them to people for a whole myriad of purposes, not just work related…though I realize that just makes me look like a pro-bono hooker…
June 1st, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Huh. I thought the kids did everything on the Twitter or the Facebook these days. They have cards? Made of paper? I had no idea.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:09 pm
gls: Yes! I REMEMBER THIS TOO. I don’t know why the spray of cornflowers triggered my memory, but there it is. It’s this random literary recall that sucks up all my mental RAM. I may not be able to remember where I parked my car but DAMNED IF I DON’T KNOW WHAT LAURA INGALLS PRINTED ON HER CARDS.
C & C: Wait, you AREN’T a pro-bono hooker? I’ll stop referring you.
Jennifer: See, that’s the problem with meeting people in real life. They have to know how to GET to your Twitter and Facebook.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Shit . . . I’m supposed to have a card??? Is THAT what I’ve been doing wrong?
June 1st, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Chris: Honestly, I’m not sure I can pull off the card thing. I’ve been informed it’s all about being smooth. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SMOOTH IN MY LIFE.
Maybe I’ll offer it as a toothpick alternative. Wait, that’s not at all smooth, is it? SHIT.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I made myself cards once (8-9 years agoa) but i never gave any away. I am also not smooth, and couldn’t convince myself that anyone would want to call/contact me. It’s a wonder I have even a few friends.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Really? Cards? Like social calling cards? Like “Betsy-Tacy” era calling cards? (It’s a fiction series I read years ago, and it was old-old-OLD when I was a kid. But I do remember the calling cards…)
Crap. I wish I knew how to be witty enough for a card.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Now I want personal cards….with a glittery pony on them. That’s not too much personality right in-your-face, is it?
xox
June 1st, 2009 at 9:20 pm
(Conclusion To Be Drawn: The best way to get a girl’s card? Be gay.)
I guess that’s also the best way for the girl to remain single!Hmm, now there’s a thought…..
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:08 am
Damn! I’m going out tonight, and this post reminded me that I forgot to bring my calling cards. I gave them all out and haven’t refreshed my purse supply!
Mine have my name, my cell number & my e-mail address. My graphic designer cousin designed them, and I had them printed by vistaprint or some such.
I also carry business cards because I agree with Caroline that they serve two very different functions!
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:50 am
I can’t believe this happened to you! How fun! How … something that would never happen in suburban Texas, sadly.
I must go design my personal cards now and think of a witty tagline for my life. “Pass the booze” probably won’t get me too many laughs. Sad looks, yes, but no laughs.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:43 am
Crap, now I want a calling card too. I’ve always loved Regency-era books and their ever-present calling cards.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:31 am
I made cards for BlogHer last year, and have a different variation that links to my photo site.
I hand out whichever one is more applicable in the situation
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:58 am
One of my favorite things about having an Etsy shop is that it gives me a reason to have a card. Makes me feel all grown up! I get mine at gotprint.com (who I adore so much that they also did my wedding announcements. Full glossy color and rounded corners for less money than you might spend on dinner. They are The Awesome.)
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:44 pm
When I first read this, the other side of your card, in the smallest type possible? I read ‘small front, big personality’… I might have to use that.
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Aww. I used to have calling cards. This reminded me to get them reprinted with new info.
I never get asked for them, but still. Aww, they were pink with a polka dot border.
June 5th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I have my blog business cards from BlogHer last year. But those won’t work in any of the situations your described because then I could no longer talk about those people on my blog. What’s the fun in that?
Is this a San Francisco thing? No guy has ever asked for my card. Oh wait, no guys even talk to me.