Demonstrating Who’s Boss (Hint: Me)
Posted by Moose on May 7th, 2009. Filed under: My Brain Needs a Drink.I woke up confused this morning. Why am I suddenly worthless? Why does nobody like me? I could have sworn there were a few people who liked me yesterday. Maybe? But, no! It turns out that no one has ever liked me in the history of ever! How alarming. And now I realize it’s absolutely imperative that I be quarantined at least 42 square miles away from other human beings and most of the more complex forms of plant-life. Also, I must stomp about and throw a stroppy fit because I’m required to present myself at work. Something I usually manage quite neatly every other day.
Hmmm….
What on earth could be happening?
What just muffled all good feeling and any light of rationality anywhere?
Oh…right.
Hormones. Wily, cunningly-concealed beast. Every month it happens and every month it catches me off guard – either because my brain can only manage to recall a two-week period at any given stretch or because it always seems to hit me at least a week before any reasonable person would get PMS. (Extrapolate from that what you will.) Hormones are kind of a bully really, hijacking a normally pleasant nature and replacing it with enraged teeth-gnashing and the angst-ridden winter of my discontent, never mind that it’s May.
These days, I catch on within a few minutes or a few hours (minus any outside circumstances that might guide me ever-so-seductively into believing my bad mood is not only legitimate, but justified and downright necessary) - which is a blessed change from my early 20s. When I went for years, entire calendar years, never realizing why my self-confidence would take a drastic nosedive or that my boyfriend and I fought with astonishing cyclical regularity.
But today I was able to recognize the surly, pockmarked visage of PMS and send it slinking off to the corner to sulk. Yes, that tone you catch is a certain radiating smugness, thank you. The sun is shining and good things are on their way. I don’t know what those good things are, but they’re coming. TAKE THAT, HORMONES! HA!
May 7th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I hate that it’s so damn startling. I’m sure you want to know this, but I have an IUD and no regular periods—just little surprises! So, my bitchiness comes at irregular intervals! My boyfriend LOVES it. And also makes the mistake of ASKING ME if that’s the huge stick lodged in my ass when I’m grumpy. Cute.
Yay for being a woman
May 7th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Take that!
May 7th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Good for you for banishing the PMS beast! I used to get it something wicked, but I take birth control pills now that only have two days a month without hormones, so things stay pretty even for me now. Of course, those two days are usually accompanied by a migraine that feels like a hundred little gnomes pick-axing my head from the inside, but, hey, it’s better than PMS
May 7th, 2009 at 10:15 am
You know what, I had this EXACT SAME CONVERSATION with myself on Monday. I was all “Why am I so fat? Why does everyone hate me? Why does my hair look like crap? Why is my wedding going to suck? Why am I so angry that I’m throwing candy bars at my fiance’s head?*” And then I was all “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. I get it.”
So then I got my planner out and made a little note to myself FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR in the upper right hand corner of each Sunday. Every fourth Sunday the note says “Crazy week.” Because there is one week out of every month when I am CRAZY. And it always catches me off guard, the craziness. But now I know to expect it! Forewarned is forearmed!
*I really did do that on Monday night. Well, I actually just THREW IT GENERALLY, but Sean swears I was aiming for his head. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t. He was being really, really annoying.
May 7th, 2009 at 10:23 am
You & me both, girl.
xox
May 7th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Give those hormones hell!
P.S. Your last post inspired me to write about my expired foodstuffs too.
May 7th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
For what it’s worth, I like you just fine. And I liked you yesterday too.
One of the many nice things about my life is that while Leah certainly has hormones, neither of us really sees them more than once or twice a year. And even then, it’s just a little wave from across the parking lot:
“Hey guys!”
“Oh! Hi hormones!”
“Just wanted to remind you that I exist, but I don’t really want to bother you right now, so the two of you should just go about your business.”
“All right, thanks. See you in about six months!”
May 7th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Oooh! I’m having a day just like this. I’ve just decided that my boss and coworkers have labeled me a hysteric and never really liked me anyway.
You have given me hope that maybe I’m hormonal. It would be a relief to find this out. A relief!
But, for the record, I like you an awful lot…all the time. Every single day.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:38 am
oy with the hormones. i totally turn into wolverine.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I read your title and immediately thought of Andy Samburg (SNL guy) and his video, “Like a Boss.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NisCkxU544c
REALLY not the same topic, as it turns out, but maybe the video will make you laugh in the midst of hormonal hell.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
The same thing happened to me at my old job, the one where people actually talked to me. I worked with this annoying guy, but every four weeks I would go apeshit on him because HIS CHANGE JINGLED IN HIS POCKETS WHEN HE WALKED AND OMG! STFU WITH YOUR WALKING! AND STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS!
And then like an hour later I was like “oh, shit! I shouldn’t have yelled at him like that.”
It happened every month like clockwork.
Now if I get that feeling, I try and sit back for a second and go “oh, right. That time. Calm down, dummy.”
May 8th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Sometimes I think we really are the same person . . .
May 8th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Golly, thanks for this post and all the comments. I thought I was the only person who forgets about hormonal craziness every month until I’m in the midst. Worst thing about hormones? Having to apologize for being crazy to the boy when at the time whatever I did felt sane and completely justified. Feels like admitting to being the “weaker sex.” Blah.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I am always always relieved to realize I am PMSing when I am being ridiculously emotional and unreasonable.
May 10th, 2009 at 4:51 am
So, I was flipping channels yesterday and came across ‘Junior’. Not one of Emma’s most brilliant endeavors, but I couldn’t really pass it up either (I wasn’t feeling well, that’s my excuse!). There’s a great line in it about what we deal with: ‘…and that’s when everything’s normal!’ I thought of you. Love and hugs, soon to be hugs in the flesh!
May 10th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
I have been having a period for over 30 years and I STILL get ambushed by hormones. Yeesh.
May 11th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Ugh, I know that feeling all too well. Good for you for recognizing it, and not letting it drag you down.
May 12th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Ha! This usually hits me in the form of random, spontaneous weeping. Like at TV commercials. Eventually it will happen at something so random, so NOT sad, that I will be forced to realize what is happening.
May 14th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Hormones blow. Obviously I haven’t had any PMSing in several months, but back when I did? It always caught me off guard too. It never ceased to amaze me that I could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME figure out what was wrong until my period started.