I made an astounding discovery last week. YOU DON’T NEED A MICROWAVE TO MAKE POPCORN. That’s right, you can make it right there on your stove! Just like they used to do way back in 1966, when nobody had microwaves. Genius! What’s astounding about this discovery is how long it took me to make it. I’ve been hankering for popcorn [...]
I’m almost (almost) glad to go to work this morning. It will give me the chance to dry out a little. My liver is a withered husk of its former self and wishes for nothing more than a week of lemon water and tender coddling. Memorial Day Weekend means a lot of drinking during the [...]
Three people have asked me how I’m feeling this morning. Which leads me to believe I look like an old polyester sweater dragged around town by a raccoon for half the night before being left in a dumpster because the raccoon found something more alluring. Maybe that something was wearing lip gloss. Luckily, my only hot date tonight is [...]
Dehydrating myself before a 12k run could be termed a wretched mistake, if one was feeling judgmental. Especially since it was an unprecedented 90 million degrees that morning, and I’m a wilting San Francisco flower who wears a scarf when the thermostat drops to 68 and pulls out the fan and a bucket of ice when it [...]
The problem with dating in San Francisco is that it’s a small city. Only 49 square miles. It takes a mere 20 minutes to get from one end to the other. (Unless you’re on MUNI, in which case it can take anywhere from half an hour to three days.) So every time you stop seeing someone, there’s yet another neighborhood [...]
When I was offered my dad’s timeshare in Lake Tahoe, I jumped on the opportunity like a freeloading stoner set loose in the Frito Lay factory. Nothing like driving to Nevada for the weekend just because you can. So I packed up my books, filled my car with gas, fiddled with the GPS on my new phone [...]
I woke up confused this morning. Why am I suddenly worthless? Why does nobody like me? I could have sworn there were a few people who liked me yesterday. Maybe? But, no! It turns out that no one has ever liked me in the history of ever! How alarming. And now I realize it’s absolutely imperative [...]
What fussy little strand of DNA makes it so darn satisfying to clean out kitchen cupboards? I keep tip-toeing into the kitchen and throwing the doors open, just for the pleasure of looking at my neatly – maybe even alphabetically – arranged boxes of dried pasta and plastic tubs of cumin. Apparently, this “cleaning” thing [...]
