Guess What I Did For 20 Minutes This Evening
Posted by Moose on March 10th, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized.I am the saddest runner to ever lace on a pair of gel sole sneakers. When I say “run” I mean “run one block, walk three blocks, run half of another block, walk five more blocks until I find a particularly inviting park bench and sit down for awhile.” I stroll home 20 minutes later, fresh as the proverbial white-petaled daisy. I may as well outsource my jogging to Mumbai for all the good it does me and my rear end.
But even a token effort is better than no effort. At least that’s what I tell myself while sitting on my park bench, admiring the Labradors and the pine trees.
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March 10th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I work out nearly every day and I can’t run more than a mile without dying.
March 10th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I sound like a dying mule when I run for more than 3 seconds, yet I still pine over copies of Runner’s World. It sucks.
March 10th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
I’m not sure I could run if a monster was chasing me. You go!
March 10th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
I have this theory. There are two kinds of people: runners and non-runners.
Runners have some kind of happy-juice chemical their brains release when they, you know, run. Non-runners do not.
Without the happy-juice chemical coursing through your veins, it’s hard to sustain running because it’s, you know, painful and boring.
But I say that as a non-runner.
March 11th, 2009 at 2:06 am
ME TOO!! Except instead of labradors, I make faces at neighborhood cats until they try to climb up my legs and sit on my lap and then I run away (because I’m terribly allergic) except I don’t actually “run away” because… I can’t run.
March 11th, 2009 at 2:09 am
Ahem. I just commented. But I had to say something about the shock of seeing my name (Amy) next to the month (March) and thinking how funny that looks (Little Women, anyone?).
March 11th, 2009 at 5:41 am
That is my workout as well – I prefer to call interval training.
March 11th, 2009 at 6:14 am
I agree with Anne & May…I only wish I had that happy chemical.
I can outwalk my run pace, very sad indeed…especially since I am wanting to run a half marathon this year, and two blocks of a slow jog have me wanting to die.
Good luck to you and the enjoyment of outside.
March 11th, 2009 at 6:43 am
I do this too, only I explain it away as being so used to my high school sprinter mentality that it’s impossible to run long distances. Also, I have asthma.
Also also, I am lazy.
March 11th, 2009 at 7:17 am
I have said for 28+ years that I will never be able to run, ever. Six weeks ago I started the “couch to 5K” program, to give it one last shot, and because I was trying to find exercise I liked enough to actually do. I have done everything on a treadmill so I can regulate my speed (I always tried to run outside and would run way too fast, get out of breath, and say ‘forget it, never again’), but it turns out if you start out reeeally slow, like 5mph, and follow the website below, even total schlubs like me can run 3 miles. And I’ll tell you, all those years of ellipticaling haven’t been doing a darn thing, comparatively. Good luck!
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
March 11th, 2009 at 7:33 am
S up there is right. The Couch to 5K program is really good. Excellent even. I did it last year in training for a 5K, which I never ran because, as it turns out, all-treadmill training is no way to prepare for an outdoor race.
So if you want to run outside, download Robert Ullrey’s podcasts and he’ll take care of you. Tell you when to run, when to walk, so you don’t have to monitor a watch (impossible). http://www.ullreys.com/robert/Podcasts/page4/files/category-7.html
March 11th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Yeah, I am so NOT a runner, either. I tried last year to become one. I really, really tried. I ran almost every day for like 6 weeks. Still hated it, and my feet were covered with blisters and all my joints hurt like motherfuckers on top of that. Yet I LOVE playing soccer, which involves lots of running (5 miles or so in the average game). And I can hike for miles and miles and miles with no break. I don’t get it. I think the person who said that some people just have happy running juice in their brains and some people don’t is totally right.
March 11th, 2009 at 8:37 am
gosh, sounds so familiar, wonder if this style is part of genetic make-up…
March 11th, 2009 at 8:52 am
um, yes. this is me too. i have built up SKILLZ on the treadmill and now i can run a whole 4 minutes without dying. awesome.
March 11th, 2009 at 9:13 am
I’d been kicking around the idea of running in my first 10k this year, but hadn’t committed to anything. Then, a few weeks ago at my 30th b-day party, I allegedly (and under the influence) declared my intentions to run. One week later, I got a text from a friend (who ran the race last year and is doing so again this year) asking what time I was coming over to go running. I apparently made firm plans to go running 3x a week with him so we can run the race together. We went for the first time on Tuesday and I almost died. Hooray for good health!
March 11th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Ah running. I used to seriously not be able to run AT ALL. I’d look at a treadmill and get shin splints. Then randomly I tried again about 6 months ago, and lo! No shin splints! What up legs? Then I basically stopped going to the gym, so it was a VERY useful breakthrough.
Also I saw the rat on a cat on a dog last night!! Which, for obvious reasons, was causing me to feel very Suessy, and then my ipod shuffled to R.E.M.’s ‘Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight*’ all of which totally made my day.
* Features lyrics about Suess and cat in the hat.
March 11th, 2009 at 10:30 am
My dear, running outside is HARD! I run on a treadmill regularly and when circumstances have necessitated running outside (ie on vacation when I’ve consumed America’s supply of cheese), I almost DIED. Plus, I just visited San Francisco for my first time last week and they were not kidding about those hills. Dear Jaybus. If your run took you even close to those hills you should consider it a job well done.
March 11th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Yes, I second the Couch to 5K podcasts. Awesome. Also, the first mile or so is always much worse for than the last two, so don’t judge the suckitude of running based on the first ten minutes.
And make sure you eat something before you run! It makes a big difference. Toast or something.
March 11th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Don’t go spreading this around, but a few years ago I went running with my husband.
And a really old man and his really fat yellow lab passed me up like it was NOTHING, like they did this EVERYDAY, like I was the slowest slowpoke the world had ever made.
So I think it’s great that you’re even making an effort. That killed my running right there. I’ve thought I should get back into it post-baby, but can you imagine? Oh my god, old ladies in wheelchairs are going to pass me up then.
March 11th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
I USED to run. Now I cannot attempt a light jog without coughing up a lung.
March 12th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
But you RAN. That’s awesome! Every day I make it outside with my tennis shoes on is a better one. Let’s go for two (or three!) in a row next week! (We can add it to our spreadsheet, huzzah!)
March 20th, 2009 at 1:46 am
Wait, I thought those were your drinking shoes?
(If you had fun, that’s all that matters!)