Greetings! I do still exist in some form, but it’s not a form I recognize at the moment. I thought I’d kicked my flu in its germ-ridden posterior, but by last Tuesday some form of wasting ague had knocked me over again. I did nothing but sleep last week, plowing through the year’s allotment of [...]
Something about retching up the contents of my empty gut into the nearest toilet bowl has me thinking about purging. (Know what comes up during the unholy union of nausea and an empty stomach? Water and bile, that’s what. You’re welcome.) Last week marked two anniversaries: 1) Laura’s daughter Peggy turned a year old, and [...]
Carrie Nation: Every time I overindulge, I start talking about vicious hell brew and the demon liquor and threaten to channel Carrie Nation by tossing a hatchet over my shoulder and greeting bartenders with a hearty, “Good morning, destroyer of men’s souls!” Bonus: Her husband fought bravely in the Jaybird-Woodpecker War of 1889. (Heh.) ~~ [...]
If you combine the unfortunate effects of a few vodka cranberries with an unexpected bout of the flu, it becomes symptomatically perplexing and you get mistakenly sent to the emergency room. Apparently. I have the constitution of a Bavarian mule. I honestly can’t remember the last time I had the flu. Or threw up, for [...]
After a day that alternately fascinated me (exhibit A: sitting in the California Supreme Court chambers and learning about the dueling habits of the first justices in 1850) and sapped my will to live (exhibit B: a lesson on the three branches of government), I was told to hie myself downtown. So hie myself I [...]
It’s important to watch yourself fail. We all fall off the wagon, some of us rolling off like a seasick whale and sending shock waves through the surrounding country side, but the trick is to chase that goddamn wagon down and hurl yourself back onto it. Instead of lying in a ditch until your wagon is in Beijing. [...]
I am the saddest runner to ever lace on a pair of gel sole sneakers. When I say “run” I mean “run one block, walk three blocks, run half of another block, walk five more blocks until I find a particularly inviting park bench and sit down for awhile.” I stroll home 20 minutes later, [...]
Hello, Internet! It’s 8:56 on Sunday night and you are the first person (entity? collective? amorphous world presence?) I’ve spoken to all day. Except for the nice woman who gave me my coffee, but I don’t think “Vanilla latte, please” and “Thank you” are the stuff of exuberant and inspiring discourse. January and February have [...]
Walking to work, Monday: Mentally improved San Francisco’s public transportation. If you aren’t in the mood for the bus or the train or the cable car, try a camel! Everything’s better when seated on the back of a camel. Walking to work, Wednesday: Two teenage boys, wearing puffy jackets and pants that sagged below the [...]
Did you know Girl Scout cookies are inherently evil? The unholy spawn of a Hershey’s bar, a vat of corn syrup, and two large pillar candles? Of course you did, because you may, like me, have recently found yourself sprawled unconscious atop a series of crushed green boxes, chocolate crumbs dusted liberally over your face. Girl Scouts are to [...]
