Watch Me Meet Someone This Weekend and Feel Incredibly Sheepish
Posted by Moose on January 29th, 2009. Filed under: Love.You know what’s exhausting? Finding dates is exhausting. It’s not necessarily hard – at least when you’re young and live in a fairly metropolitan area and know how to use a computer – but the upkeep takes serious energy. The emails and the juggling and the planning and the laundry so you can keep your cute clothes toward the top of the closet rotation and the having to be entertaining four nights out of seven. I was making lists of Amusing Things To Discuss and Which of the Current Batch Appears To Have Mother Issues. I was even contemplating a spreadsheet. Which is when I realized: I HAVE TURNED DATING INTO THE LEAST FUN THING EVER.
Fine, not the least fun thing ever. I’m sure the woman in Siberia chasing down a wild goose to feed her six children because her husband took his paycheck to the bar again would set that goose on me – or at least bare her teeth menacingly in my direction – for complaining about the work, OH THE WORK! it takes to have fun. But, dude. When finding love has become an item on the to-do list, it’s time to change your strategy.
All this to say, I have stopped dating. At least for now. There are enough chores in life. Most of which are still waiting for me at home. (Please avert your eyes from that sink full of dirty dishes.)
As announcements go, this is fairly uninteresting, isn’t it? “Great. She’s NOT doing something. Next she’ll announce she hasn’t won a Nobel Peace prize.”
BREAKING NEWS: I have not won a Nobel Peace prize.
I like not dating. I like not checking my email constantly. I like having my time be entirely my own. I recognize it’s a numbers game and you have to get out there to find someone, etc., but sometimes it’s really nice to let the ever-churning machine of the meat market spin without you.
Why put myself through a meat grinder when I can sit at home with my knitting?
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January 29th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Four nights out of seven? Good lord, woman! I find myself postponing dates with new prospects, because I’m still mentally exhausted from my last date two weeks ago. You’re right, it is work. And it sounds like you need a break. Enjoy your time off.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Maybe when you meet the right person it’s not work and that’s how you know? Hope springs eternal. But I agree – if it’s work, that’s totally uncool.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am
I think the most dates I ever had in a week was three. So I’m including Friend Engagements in that number. But my usual ration of entertainment ability is two nights out of seven – so I was pushing my luck. Big time.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am
I feel you on that whole “not wanting to put so much damn effort into being charming all the time” thing. That gets EXHAUSTING! Sometimes (all the time, lately), I’m happier sitting at home with my cat. I figure when I’m 35 I’ll start pounding the pavement looking for a husband.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:28 am
I am sorry but I am SO hungry I was totally distracted by that giant chocolate chip cookie up there…
I hated dating too. Maybe you will run into the right person at the local Starbucks (if there are any of those left after this year) or while clearing up SF parking ticket hell. Not to be glib about it all (or encourage anything for that matter) but sometimes the right people come into our lives when we are not looking, you know?!
January 29th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Is it weird to leave a comment that says “I really enjoy your writing?” It certainly feels awkward, or maybe kind of desperate-sounding.
Thanks for writing. I really enjoy it. Enjoy the Dating Sabaatical. (Dating is only fun for people who don’t have to date, and the editors of Cosmo.)
January 29th, 2009 at 10:41 am
I want me some ME-TIME!
January 29th, 2009 at 10:43 am
AHEM. Need I remind you of the highly successful date you had last night? Miette cupcakes are always the way to win someone over
January 29th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I know this sounds totally cliche but I’ve always believed it happens when you stop trying…
January 29th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Wait, don’t you think there’s a happy medium out there?
Why not just go out on a date once a week? You can just tell the boys your schedule is crammed and then delay them to the next week. Men secretly love being put off! It makes dating a sport to them!
But I totally respect that you want some time off. Take your time. It’s not the dating Olympics and your friends would love to gobble up the extra hours.
January 29th, 2009 at 11:41 am
I know I’m happiest when I just do things that please me, like hiking and experimenting with licorice. I realized dating actually makes me enjoy my life less, rather than more. Easiest decision ever.
I also need to excise the word “dating” from my vocabulary. It makes me twitchy.
Thanks, all! Comments are awesome and you’re all so very smart.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I am right there with you! Seriously. I was doing the whole giving dating a chance thing, and you know what? Dating can suck it. I’m back to my standard see what happens + a once a year give dating a whirl strategy (if you can call that a strategy). And I am so much happier.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
It is work! Bah. Knitting is fun.
Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!
January 29th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I partially agree with Anne and May’s statement that “…men like being put-off…” We don’t enjoy it but it makes us try harder. As we have big, delicate egos we think: why we’re being put-off? Is there someone else? What can she be doing that is more important than going on a date with me? Why didn’t she invite me along to what she is doing? Being illusive makes the hunt more exciting to us. Otherwise, yea, dating is/was a chore. I’d rather cook.
January 29th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
AMEN to that! I’d rather sit home with my knitting (or jewelry making, as the case may be!) over dating any night. Its a wonder I snagged myself a man at all, what with my hermit-like ways. Plus, when you meet the right guy, hopefully it’ll be while you’re doing something you enjoy, not while putting yourself through a meat grinder.
January 29th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
when I first moved to the Bay Area I was set up on a bunch of dates for a friend who worked at a dating service. It was exhausting. Yes I wanted to meet people, but it definitely stopped being fun. After that experience I just wanted alone time. I was actually glad not to be in a relationship. And wouldn’t you know, that’s when I met someone. Taking a break to knit some fancy things and date again when it’s not a chore sounds like a great idea.
January 29th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
I’ve got nothing to contribute besides a-frickin-men. Dating makes me break out in hives.
January 29th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
gawd, totally. i hate the “dating” part of dating. Like test driving cars or something. You know and then it gets to a point where one dinner out and I’ve been like “nope, I hate how you hold your fork!” (this was in the past before I met J…)
January 29th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
I suck at dating and always have. If my husband got hit by a bus I think that I would just buy a cat and take up knitting or something because the thought of trying to date again and all it entails makes me want to hurl.
January 30th, 2009 at 8:51 am
I suck at dating. Which is shown by my lack of one in over a year.
I do the online thing. I put myself out there and do the emails and the looking at profiles. I’ve tried a few different sites with the same results. I get NOTHING. Like literally no one emails me back. And after awhile, I give up because I don’t need to pay a monthly fee to feel like an asshole. I can do that all by myself.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
oy, i’m tired just reading all that. add me to the list of people who’d rather stay home and be quiet. knitting is fun!
January 30th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Ahhhh….men.
As my Mother always says.
Which is to say, Madam Moose, I am right with you. I have been out of my serious relationship 2.5 years and my Mother just told me last week that maybe I should put myself “out there” and said that all I needed to do was “be nice” to get the perfect guy.
Excuse me???
What does she think of me and she has NO IDEA what dating is like in 2009! and in San Francisco?!?! This was then followed by the notion that dating IS like job hunting and that I should think of it that way and prepare myself for rejection and knowing that not “all jobs” were right for “my particular skill level”…
WTF??
Ms. Moose-y-ness, you are not alone in this fabulous sun-struck, strange-being, wonderful jungle that is San Francisco!
Now, I am off to pour myself a glass of wine, sit down with my knitting, put on a movie…did I mention that this is the eve of my birthday…ahem…and stay home.
Or I might bake…
Oh, and to all those that posted about hating dating, thank YOU! It’s nice to know that perfectly reasonable people hate the “test drive” thing about trying to meet a mate. UGH.
January 31st, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Sometimes I wish I had had a wild crazy living in the city dating time. This eases that a bit :0
February 2nd, 2009 at 7:25 am
I am glad you now have time to knit, because, I have FINALLY sent you a package. Which may or may not have yarn in it. Surprise!