Because It’s Monday Morning
Posted by Moose on January 26th, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized.Every clock in my house and at work shows a different time. If I’m running late, I’ll follow the clock that reads 7:30 a.m., instead of the one that claims 7:42 a.m. When I get to work, I look at the clock that says 8:07, not the one that says 8:14. When it’s time to leave, I decide the clock that says 5:01 is right and the one that says 4:56 is slow.
This is what we call cheating.
Sometimes a blasphemous thought skitters across my mind: “Maybe I should synch up all my clocks to Greenwich Mean Time, thereby eliminating the ever-handy yet prone to backfiring Time Warp Shuffle.” Note: When I’m actually thinking, I never use the word “thereby.” Which means I should probably avoid writing it, but it amuses me. If I had a credo or a religious mantra, it would be ”Amuse Thyself.” Anyway, the Time Warp Shuffle is convenient and, like so many things, can be altered to suit my needs.
If Only The DMV Could Also Be Altered To Suit My Needs
Subtitle: Tax on the Stupid alert
If you get a notice in the mail saying, YOU HAVE AN UNPAID PARKING TICKET, YOU SHIRKER, YOU - please, please check the numbers on the ticket. Just because you had a ticket for the very same week, for the very same amount, which you already paid, and the notice also says “Ignore if payment already sent” doesn’t mean a ticket didn’t blow off your windshield before making you aware of its existence. Just because you think you’re an upright and moral citizen, one who dutifully pays her taxes and her parking tickets, DOESN’T MEAN YOU ARE. And then the DMV will threaten to yank out your fingernails with industrial strength tweezers and blacklist you from all your favorite burrito haunts.
So, yeah. Now I have to pay $110 for a parking ticket from six months ago that I didn’t even know I had. My reward for taking care of this is being bitch slapped by the DMV. This is officially the least satisfying purchase ever.
If I think about what else I could buy with that $110 – like a pair of ski pants or half an iphone – I get depressed. If I just gird my proverbial loins and hand over my credit card with a smile for the Parking and Traffic employee who probably doesn’t want to be there any more than I do, it’s quite tolerable. I like to call this the zen approach to city living. Otherwise known as “denial”. It can drastically improve a Monday morning.
Related posts:
January 26th, 2009 at 11:29 am
I have the exact same issue, and denial problem, with all our clocks. And we have many clocks.
January 26th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I recently set our bathroom clock ahead. My husband asked why.
So I’ll forget I did this and then run on time!
He mumbled something incoherent about his head hurting and walked away.
January 26th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
what? you should never have to pay the ones that fly off your windshield.
January 26th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Yes, the least satisfying purchase ever, I hear you. Especially since I received my electricity bill in the mail today and let’s just say, lights and heat and air HARDLY seem worth the cost. And I like all of those things! So you can just imagine how much it ran me this month to nudge me into thinking, “candles are nice.”
January 26th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
My sister recently slide into a parked car while driving on a very snowy day. Not knowing what else to do, she and my parents called the police. They figured it was the responsible and right thing to do.
The police? Gave my sister a $100 ticket. Bastards.
Sadly, you’ve got to play along with the system.
January 26th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
The San Francisco DMV EATS PUPPIES FOR LUNCH, I TELL YOU. GRRRR.
January 26th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
The DMV is of the debbil. (I have been using that phrase a lot lately. I need to think of a new one.)
January 27th, 2009 at 6:12 am
No! Not the burrito haunts!
January 27th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Meter maids eat their young.
January 27th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I totally play that shuffle. But every now and then it backfires, like when you discover that BART is operating on the earlier clock when you’re trying to catch the last train home from Oakland.
I once went to a DMV where everyone was really, really nice. It made me extremely paranoid. I expect my government employees to be at least slightly disgruntled.
January 27th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
HA HA HA! “half an iphone”. That’s about what I can afford right now. But gosh, I want one.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Seriously, if I don’t SEE the ticket, I shouldn’t have to pay it. That’s BS.