You know what’s exhausting? Finding dates is exhausting. It’s not necessarily hard – at least when you’re young and live in a fairly metropolitan area and know how to use a computer – but the upkeep takes serious energy. The emails and the juggling and the planning and the laundry so you can keep your cute [...]
1. What looks and sounds like half the wind section of the San Francisco symphony practicing in the top floor of a building on my street, two houses over from the Baptist church with a neon cross that gleams in the dark. 2. Running through the park in the cold morning sun. First time that I’ve run [...]
Every clock in my house and at work shows a different time. If I’m running late, I’ll follow the clock that reads 7:30 a.m., instead of the one that claims 7:42 a.m. When I get to work, I look at the clock that says 8:07, not the one that says 8:14. When it’s time to [...]
I sometimes take things for granted. Taking things for granted doesn’t really add much to my life in the way of happiness or fulfillment. Plus, if you do it long enough, it starts to piss people off. So I’m changing it. I wanted to be all profound and articulate about this, but it’s 5:00 in the [...]
When I started my Exercise Every Bloomin’ Day Because I Can’t Hear The Voices Over The Sound Of My Muscles Shrieking At Me To Lie Down and Have a Beer Already routine, I had suspiciously rose-tinted ideas about all the extra energy I would enjoy. I would stay up late penning letters to senators and [...]
Typing that title made me cringe so far into my abdomen my spleen disappeared. Reading it back makes me want to hit DELETE DELETE DELETE until I’ve erased every post back to May of 2006. Why is that? Because it feels narcissistic? Because my default setting is modest demurral and pleasing self-effacement? I would never [...]
Yesterday was one of those balmy January days where walking out the door in the morning and being greeted with sunshine is like being handed a warm brownie when you’re expecting tofu pudding. (Hi, mom! You’ll never live down the tofu pudding.) So I drove to Crissy Field to stare at the Golden Gate bridge [...]
On New Year’s Eve, I… a. Stole a Christmas tree. b. Lit it on fire. c. Was accidentally fondled by a hot girl. d. Found myself four seconds shy of getting caught in a rather compromising position by two inquisitive strangers. e. All of the above. Video proof of everything but the accidental flashing (courtesy of aforementioned hot girl): Feel the [...]
