The Fever Is Coming In Handy
Posted by Moose on December 18th, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized.Being sick makes me stupid. I (stupidly) went to work today and was asked to help set up for a meeting.
Patient Coworker: “Just put the fliers on the chairs.”
Me: “What are these chairs of which you speak?”
PC: “Um, they’re the things with four legs around the tables.”
Me: “Ah.”
[Proceed to stare blankly into the distance.]
PC: “Maybe you could put the fliers on them now?”
Me: “What fliers?”
PC: “The ones in your hand.”
Me: “Oh. Yes. I see.”
[Reprise wall staring, wondering how they got so white and large and is that hallway longer than it used to be?]
Needless to say, I came home. With much prodding from people who 1) don’t want my germs and 2) realize it would be much faster just to do everything themselves.
Also, this is what you get for bragging that you never get sick and have never needed a flu shot in your life. KARMIC RETRIBUTION, THAT’S WHAT YOU GET. I’m missing the Christmas party today, the one I bought six bags of candy for, the one with the band and the attorney singing “Santa Baby” in a Santa costume, if Santa wore fishnets.
But I have chicken dumpling soup, a novel, and my knitting. And I’m marginally warm. I pulled the bookshelves away from the heater today and am employing a combination of prayer, voodoo, and a modified Cherokee radiator dance to make it work. I also turned the little knob toward “on.”
So, yes. I do actually have a heater. I’m just not convinced it works. It’s cranked up to high and, on the up side, I can’t see my breath. On the down side, I can see my goosebumps. But my landlady is a saint, one of those people who, when I mention in passing that my toilet is making some noise says, “Well, why don’t I get you a new one!” And a brand, shiny new appliance is installed three days later. I think that if I complained about the cold, she would personally come stand in my kitchen and rub sticks together to create sparks for a fire.
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December 18th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Could your landlady come have a chat with mine, by chance? She threatened to evict us when I questioned whether or not she could replace the broken bathroom window since it was snowing.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I wish I had some chicken dumpling soup. I do, however, have heat that actually works. A very nice change from the last house.
Get well soon!
Also, your blog makes me want to eat cookies.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Hey! I know a fantastic teen novel you could read
Glad you were sent home. Now commence to taking better care of yourself!
December 18th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Well, I’m glad you have heat.
Flu shots are stupid. They only protect against like 3 strains of the flu. And there are like 10,000 strains. I get sick every year with or without the flu shot.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
My boyfriend wants me to get a flu shot. Ummm, No. I think they are stupid.
My apt manager is great and keeps everything fixed but my old landlord was more on the order of a slum lord. I told him the roof was leaking and he said yeah it does that when there are too many leaves on it, I’ll have to go up there and knock them down. What?
December 18th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Poor thing! Feel better. Don’t you think banana bread would help matters? Of course, then you’d have to bake it. So… maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.
December 18th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
flu shots are evil
my boss made everyone in the office get a flu shot 3 years ago (no, it’s not legal to force your employees to get flu shots but I work in a special office with a crazy boss)
his logic was that if we all had the flu shot, no-one would call in sick
I had an allergic reaction to the flu shot and was off work for a week
take that, crazy bossman!
December 18th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Ooh hope you feel better soon!
December 18th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Thanks, everyone! I feel great, as long as I’m lying prone with three different types of entertainment within easy reach.
Another for my Illness Makes Me Dumb file: I made myself some tea and then blearily decided to clean off the stove top (as you do, when you’re bleary and sick). So I took the metal plates off the burners INCLUDING THE RED HOT BURNER THAT HAD JUST HEATED MY TEA WATER.
I now have blisters on two of my fingers. Oof. Someone save me from myself.
December 18th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Oh dear, you’d better stay away from anything hot and sharp and dangerous. Especially since you don’t have working smoke detectors (that was you wasn’t it? Or was it some other blogger? Oh well, nevermind). Either way, I do hope you feel better soon.
When my husband and I were dating, he lived in a place that had no heat AT ALL (it was a cheaply built add-on to an old house and they didn’t extend the central heat to his room) and the towels never, and I mean NEVER, dried. I realize now that he could have complained about that and the fact that mold would grow on the carpet and walls, but we were young and dumb back then.
December 18th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
A-HA! It was you who made Jemima sick! She called me today, blaming with me fleeing town and leaving the bubonic plague in her possession and threatening to send four kittens my way (EW). BUT! I have no sniffles to speak of, just a scratchy throat that gets scratchier by the moment and makes telemarketers mistake me for Holly Hunter.
Still…I hope you feel better soon!
December 19th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Ugh, I had the flu 2 weeks ago and it was a serious bitch (if you’ll excuse my language). I basically just laid on my couch for 3 days watching all the episodes of Bones (Boreanaz!) they have on Hulu. I refuse to touch anything more dangerous than a remote control while ill because I know it will not go well. I wish you a quick recovery!