Wherein I’m Melodramatic. Cold Ears Will Do That To a Person.
Posted by Moose on December 17th, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized.The arctic circle decided to take a vacation from the North Pole and squat in my apartment. Last night, I could SEE MY BREATH. IN MY HOUSE. When I get home, I don’t take off my coat and hat, I head for the closet to wrap another scarf around my neck. I’ve taken to eating pints of ice cream, just to show the bitter cold it can’t intimidate me. I’m feisty that way. Just because I wear gloves while holding the carton in no way diminishes my foolhardy yet spirited display of defiance.
Luckily, the chill is discouraging some of my more unfortunate hermit tendencies. I say unfortunate not because there’s anything wrong with being a hermit – though I think we can all agree that letting your teeth get mossy and your fingernails grow long and yellow isn’t the best aesthetic, no matter what Sod Cabins Without Cell Service Monthly might say – but because I’m perfectly happy with no social interaction for weeks at a time and something tells me that’s not healthy. Then I’ll binge on planning and find myself busy every minute of every day.
Inevitably, this complete lack of reasonable balance gets the last phlegmy chuckle and I get sick. My immune system is very good at taking me down when I try to thwart my misanthropic urges. So I took today off, bought myself tissues, juice, thera-flu and chicken noodle soup, and am huddled in with a space heater and a heating pad to hold the arctic frost at bay.
Arctic frost may be a slight exaggeration. This is San Francisco, and the sun did shine for most of the day. But, as this is San Francisco, NONE OF US HAVE HEAT. Or maybe you live in San Francisco and do have heat? If so, don’t tell me. Or invite me over. I’ll be the one wearing three scarves and tippling from a flask of whiskey.
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December 18th, 2008 at 12:22 am
We have heat, but it doesn’t work. Does that count?
I just got back from visiting my favorite tiki bar in Alameda, and their heat was working and they had warm winter drinks. I think it was the first time in a week that I’d taken my jacket off. It felt niiiiiice.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:48 am
Um, not to rub it in but we frequently have to TURN ONE OF OUR RADIATORS off because it gets so insanely hot in our apartment, even when it’s freezing outside. In fact, right now I’m betting it’s like the seventh circle of hell in there, and not just because I haven’t been there to clean in a while.
Seriously, call Sean and ask him if you can come over and sit on our living room radiator for a while. You’ll soon be WISHING you had that ice cream to cool you down.
(He’s actually going to be out of town over Christmas, so if you are too, feel free to go to my apartment in the day and spend it being warm! It’ll be empty and there are two fat cats to cuddle with.)
December 18th, 2008 at 12:49 am
Um, I mean if you AREN’T going to be out of town, obviously.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:54 am
I used to live about 600 miles north of you, and we had the exact opposite problem! No one had air conditioning. This was fine during the cold and rainy season, but during the summer it was sometimes unbearable. These days I live in a place where, even though I have heat, I have never had to use it in 18 months.
Regardless, I admire your ice-cream-eating moxie. One should never let ridiculous weather impede the consumption of ice cream!
And I hope you’re feeling better soon, too.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:39 am
In the little house we used to live in (the one honored by my blog name) it would at times get so cold in the kitchen that the children’s eating utensils, the ones that changed color with the temperature of the food, would stay in “cold mode” color. And we had heat and space heaters. I guess I’m saying all of this to say I feel your pain and wish you warmth.
December 18th, 2008 at 6:33 am
i have one word for you, miss…
and that’s…
TORONTO.
(BBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)
December 18th, 2008 at 7:29 am
It always amazes me that people in other parts of the country don’t have heat or a/c. GOD BLESS TEXAS.
December 18th, 2008 at 7:51 am
There’s nothing wrong with having ice cream while it’s cold. Using logic thusly: you feel cold regardless of whether you are having ice cream. So if you’re going to be cold ANYWAY, you’re likely to be happier about the situation if you’re enjoying some ice cream at the same time.
But, really? Your home doesn’t have some sort of furnace-y device? That’s amazing.
December 18th, 2008 at 10:03 am
We have a roaring fire, but I DO live in the arctic tundra.
I could totally go for some ice cream right now…
December 18th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Space heaters are so laughably usless, it’s almost feels like they’re mocking you. My new apartment has a wall heater that I haven’t figured out how to use yet, but it looks so old and like it would be flamey if I turned it on, that I’d rather freeze. As an added bonus, the kitchen window won’t close all the way. I know that people think LA is all heat, all the time, but it’s actually FREEZING here right now. I can see snow on the mountians! Swear! I feel your pain.
December 18th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Wait, a minute. I think it’s just you who doesn’t have heat. Everyone I know in SF has heat, as did my former, turn-of-the-century apartment.
I say this not to make you angry, but to suggest that something is wrong. I know in NYC there are laws about this. All apartments must have working heat. Perhaps SF has the same? Maybe shoot your overlord, I mean, landlord, an email?
December 18th, 2008 at 11:03 am
I think that’s the worst bit about this: it’s not that I’ve never been colder in my life, but I’ve always had HEAT before! Sitting in my unheated apartment last night, I could see my breath, too! I solved this little issue by drinking almost an entire bottle of wine, which just made me unable to feel anything, and then passing out wearing three layers and five blankets. Take THAT, cold!
December 18th, 2008 at 11:15 am
I’ve got one of those 1920′s steam radiators, but it’s controlled by the landlord, so it alternates between ok and freezing depending on how recently it was on.
I recommend dragging yourself over to Tosca for one (or more!) of their “house cappuccinos” which are actually just hot brandy and cocoa as far as I can tell. Warm you right up. Seriously I had 2 last night and walked all the way home without buttoning my coat.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I didn’t live in the City when I lived there, only in the Peninsula and the South Bay, but we always had heat. Most of the places, though, the heat didn’t work because the apartment was old and like a sieve and the wind just rushed right through it. So I feel your pain.
December 18th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Or you can forget Sadie and Charlie and find an even fatter cat to cuddle (or rather run around hissing at because he scares easily) in an empty HOUSE in South San Francisco.