Am I the only person at work today? I arrived in record time (meaning, only five minutes late, rather than ten or twenty) because I plowed straight across the street without having to wait for the hordes of commuters to file onto the freeway while clutching steering wheels with whitened knuckles and looking vicious. It was chill and [...]
Hope you all had a merry holiday, full of Christmas miracles. Like retaining your svelte calves after gleefully slugging down sausage logs, brandied ‘nog, and the mysterious chocolates that turn out to be full of coconut, requiring the ever-subtle seasonal napkin spit. Not to imply that we’re subtle in this house, because OH HOW WE [...]
Nothing gets the adrenaline rushing on a lazy Sunday morning like realizing you’ve lost your wallet. Getting ready to meet someone at Tartine for Butter, Guzzling Thereof, I went for my money (butter ain’t free you know) and it wasn’t where it should be. So I checked everywhere it shouldn’t be and…nothing. No wallet, no [...]
It’s now 2:22 in the morning, and I began my long-anticipated (read: long put off) Scrub the Sty project right after I got home from work at 5:30. Let’s review: Before: After: What we’ve learned tonight: 1. It can take the equivalent of a full work day to clean an apartment the size of a [...]
Because my apartment has looked like this for the past week and because my stereo seems to be inadvertently playing bagpipe music. If I haven’t posted two drastically different (and by “different” I mean “clean”) photos by the end of the night, please come over and pummel me. I’ll consider it a kindness.
Being sick makes me stupid. I (stupidly) went to work today and was asked to help set up for a meeting. Patient Coworker: “Just put the fliers on the chairs.” Me: “What are these chairs of which you speak?” PC: “Um, they’re the things with four legs around the tables.” Me: “Ah.” [Proceed to stare [...]
The arctic circle decided to take a vacation from the North Pole and squat in my apartment. Last night, I could SEE MY BREATH. IN MY HOUSE. When I get home, I don’t take off my coat and hat, I head for the closet to wrap another scarf around my neck. I’ve taken to eating [...]
Bedazzled Christmas sweaters displayed on a hardwood floor are one thing, but they ascend a new peak of festive folly when draped from the willing limbs of brave souls. Brave souls with a stoic disregard for itchy synthetic fiber. Speaking of brave souls and stoic disregard, he wore that sweater vest through the Tenderloin at 11:30 at night. Sequinned cardinals [...]
Tomorrow marks the advent of Kristin’s Hideously Ugly Christmas Sweater (TM) party. Spurred on by rumors of shoulder pads and LED lights, I hustled over to Goodwill on my lunch break today for supplies. And found a veritable cornucopia of unfortunate holiday spirit. I couldn’t hold a basic phone conversation because I was so busy snorting with laughter over [...]
Thank you all for your kind inquiries about what the hell happened to my blog and why it displayed a string of gibberish for a week. The only explanation I can offer is that it was hijacked by bored squirrels who relinquished control only when offered a sacrifice in the form of flaming acorns. I had to [...]
