Gives Me a Piratical Air, Don’t You Think?
Posted by Moose on November 22nd, 2008. Filed under: Misadventures.When I left to house-sit this week, my plants left with me. Eight days without water would have killed them – which may have been kinder than packing them up to prolong the torture. It always feels like I kill plants quickly, but the two weeks plants tend to survive in my house must feel even longer when you’re a tender sprig of greenery being alternately ignored and drenched, before wilting for good and heading to the great Cactus in the Sky. I left home with five plants, I returned home with three. Fitting.
But the ghosts of my sadly departed oregano and sage had their revenge. Bending down to put my remaining plants by the door this evening, I straightened up and the world exploded in a shower of sparks. When I finally pried my hand off my eye, my palm was covered in blood. Also fitting. I stumbled down the hall to the bathroom where I discovered the entire left side of my face was painted a nice, festive red. After spending a few minutes wondering if stitches were necessary or if a band-aid would suffice, I decided to wash my face and see what happened.
This is what happened. Jaunty, don’t you think?
Half an hour later, my eyebrow is still a nice shade of bloody. The swelling is forming a ledge over my brow so I look like Encino Man’s less civilized brother. And that sound you hear? Is the mirth-filled chuckle of a freshly avenged oregano plant.
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:02 pm
It was bound to happen! It’s been so long since you’ve slipped on milk in a certain cafeteria. We can’t have scars healing and fading without other ones to take their places.
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:16 pm
The plants’ conspiracy with the door knob? Stumbling and profusely bleeding from the head, instead of 911 for an ambulance, you reach for the Pentax — a true blogger!
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Ouch! Oh my god, you poor thing. What did you hit it on? I prescribe two large mimosas. I only wish I could be there to share them with you.
November 23rd, 2008 at 8:05 am
Oh, no! What the heck did you hit it on?
Poor girl! I second the mimosa suggestion.
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:20 am
oh, bless you. I’ve jammed my face against a few corners in my time as well, quite possibly due to oregano, though I don’t think sage. Probably thyme as well. But on the positive side, you can just tell people “She got it a lot worse than I did…”
November 23rd, 2008 at 10:05 am
Ha ha! Please tell me how many people you have look at you and tell you not to go back to the person who did your eyebrows ever again!
November 23rd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
OH NO! Clearly, you need alcohol!
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:37 pm
EXACTLY why I don’t keep plants. Just cut flowers.
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Egads. I, too, learned the hard way this weekend that head wounds are bleeders. After bending down to pick up a dog toy and having a nice “meeting” with a giant support pole in my basement. Four stitches later, but thankfully, no face bruising. Hope the herbs get a slap on the wrist for their grevious plot. If you can find their wrists.
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:14 pm
BUT WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED??
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Ha! I am the queen of never managing to actually tell the story. I was bending over to check my plants and smashed my eye into a metal water spigot as I straightened up. Hurt like hell.
November 24th, 2008 at 10:45 am
I’ve done something similar MANY times! One time I was drunk and brushing my teeth and bent down to spit out the toothpaste and bashed my head on the medicine cabinet. Thankfully no blood. You win on that account!
November 24th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Wow. I guess I’ve gotten off lucky with all the plants I’ve killed. Who knew they were so vengeful?
November 24th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
you should chop that bitch up and make a nice pot of spaghetti
November 25th, 2008 at 5:41 am
Ouch, ouch, ouch. (At least you’ll look super tough with your scar, though.) Run along and disinfect, now.
November 25th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Just seeing that picture makes my eyes water. You poor thing! I too am a klutz. On this week of Thanksgiving, let’s be grateful for Neosporin!
December 4th, 2008 at 10:38 am
You’re back!!!!!! I had gone into daughter-blog-withdrawal, so this makes my day. (Yes, I do have a life….)
December 9th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I’m glad you explained within the comments b/c I was starting to fear Oregano. I really hope that heals up fast! But, you’ll look like a tough-ass chicky in the meantime. Especially if you wear a leather jacket and growl a lot.