Further Dispatches From MooseVille
Posted by Moose on October 27th, 2008. Filed under: Daily.Gainful employment: landed
Date for David Sedaris: snagged
Herb garden for doorway: purchased
Penchant for yanking symbolism out of EVERYTHING: overplayed
One of the problems with being a former English Lit major – aside from the general assumption that you won’t be using your degree unless you compose tortured sonnets in the bathroom of McDonald’s where you serve Big Macs to surly teenagers – is a tendency to see symbolism everywhere. You can only write so many essays about Queequeg’s coffin before the tendency to imbue daily details with significance becomes overwhelming.
My hike yesterday morning was plagued by fog. Wispy bits of gray cloud wafted in front of my feet as I huffed up the hill toward Sweeney Ridge, a path usually graced with spectacular views of the Pacific and the San Francisco skyline, but yesterday boasted only a thick soup of depressing precipitation. About halfway up, I passed a woman who said, “Don’t worry. It’s sunny at the top.” After twenty minutes of trudging through the gray gloom, the sky opened up and the sun lit the hills. I literally stepped out of the dark and into the light. Standing on the ridge, I looked out over the purple hills, fog rolling through the valleys, and was very glad I kept going. Then I realized I was standing smack in the middle of a poorly written novel and maybe I should quit it with the heavy-handed literary device transference already. Plus, my cleverly manipulated “emerges from the cloud of fog into the light” symbol was sort of ruined when I realized I’d have to go back down through the fog to get to my car and go home.
Speaking of English majors who may or may not have jobs: My who versus whom crisis was the only thing I got wrong on my Grammar Test For Gainful Employment. I may have glowed like a comma-friendly beacon when I got the job and learned my score. (90/100/100 if you were wondering. Which you weren’t. BUT I’M TELLING YOU ANYWAY.) My sickening tendency toward teacher’s pet continues unabated. The passage of decades apparently does nothing. But I can now relax for awhile with more money than I’ve ever made in my life. (Um, the sum is still quite unimpressive. I have a knack for underachievement in the cold, hard cash department.)
In other news, David Sedaris makes me giddy with glee. As does having an actual date, conjured up specially for this blessed literary event. In preparation for this date I scrubbed my shower tiles. Don’t ask me why. Seriously. I couldn’t tell you. Anyway, the David Sedaris tickets were a lovely gift from a dear college friend for my 30th birthday. Her kindness was repaid with a sheepish email declaring I wasn’t going to make it to her wedding in New York. I am an ass. She is awesome. As is David Sedaris and his rendition of the Oscar Meyer Wiener song, sung in the voice of Billie Holiday.
Current mood: inordinately, insufferably proud of myself. Even if my date is less a date and more…bribery.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
“Penchant for yanking symbolism out of EVERYTHING: overplayed”
OMG, it’s like you looked deep into my dark soul and found my big secret.
Have fun at David Sedaris! I hope the date makes your knees go wobbly.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Um…is there a link to David Sedaris singing the Oscar Meyer wiener song? That sounds like the most lovely thing I could ever hope to hear.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
oh and durrr, congrats on the job!
October 27th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Congratulations again!
Also, spill on the date! Who is the lucky fella? And is he a looker? I bet he is. Remember to do the “fake yawn and arm stretch that ends up with you putting your arm around him” move. Works like a charm every time.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
IT’S ALL COMING UP ROSES!
That’s what my Southern grandma used to say in moments like this. A job is a lovely thing. A date is heavenly.
Love and chocolate be heaped upon you.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Congratulations and yay and yay
(Nice going on the test too)
October 27th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
I want to take that test! I’m sure I’d embarrass the bejeezus out of my college English professors, but there have been many a glass of champagne between those classes and today.
October 27th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Congrats! That’s awesome news! Can’t wait to hear more. Also, very jealous of your appointment with David Sedaris. But in a friendly way.
October 27th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Yay, you indeed, on gaining the gainful employment!
I’m prouda’ your test scores, too!
October 27th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I soooo cannot wait to dissect his every move over intensely large mimosas this Saturday!
October 27th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Congrats on all these great things!
October 27th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Happy for you! Happy for you! Happy for YOU!
Also…WHO IS HE? WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE? WHO WHO WHO?
October 28th, 2008 at 5:58 am
Oh, lots of good news!
Yay for Sedaris date! I’m seeing him in April, and yes I bought tickets for that event at the start of Sept. But I have second row seats! Or seat. Since I didn’t buy two.
October 28th, 2008 at 6:19 am
Who vs whom? For real? You mean you don’t have Mr. Allen’s voice BOOMING the rules through your head still? (Lucky girl, you lucky girl!)
Details, I’m waiting on the edge of my seat for details. Darn time differences…they make me wait too long!
October 28th, 2008 at 8:42 am
I’m with Zoo; I can vividly remember floating on a raft in the ocean when I was 8 or 9 and deciding how the scene would fit into my YA novel. I haven’t improved with age.
Congratulations on all the great news!
October 28th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Wooo! Congrats on the job! The date! The clean shower tiles!
Have fun. David Sedaris is just fantastic.
October 28th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Love David – saw him last year and he made me laugh until there were tears rolling down my cheers!!!
October 28th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Gainful employment! A date!
Am beaming with happiness for you. Hurray!
October 28th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Oh holy God. Thanks you for reminding me about that Oscar Meyer song!! I’ve totally been in a funk, and now that I’ve listened to it? Funk gone! (So gone multiple exclamation points were needed apparently.)
Congrats on the job, and the date!
October 28th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Ahhhh! If my Google Reader weren’t 300 deep, maybe I wouldn’t be a step behind on this. Still, so exciting!!!
October 28th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Yay for jobs and dates! Bribed or not!
October 28th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Congratulations! babe. And you know I am politely bribing you for details. Or I would be, were I standing right next to you right now, with, say, perfectly aged Vermont Cheddar cheese in my hand. And maybe even some black licorice. Maybe.
October 29th, 2008 at 7:42 am
a job! a date!
i’m all kinds of excited for you right now.
October 29th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Thank you, everyone! I’m all kinds of excited myself.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:38 am
date for david sedaris? Or with david sedaris? WHAAAA!?
October 29th, 2008 at 11:59 am
So a while ago you were all congratulatory about my new job, and now I get to be all congratulatory about yours, and dude? We are awesome. Also, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE JOB! Money is awesome too.
November 3rd, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I’m pretty sure if David Sedaris and Edward Gorey had a baby, I would date that baby.
CONGRATS on the new job-o! May it bring in much cash-o!