One of my greatest joys in life used to be cranking up my stereo to the level known as Makes Dogs Howl In Six Counties, and dancing around the house like a loon. In fact, when I was about 16, I put a hefty scar on my left hand by jumping onto my mom’s bed, [...]
Gainful employment: landed Date for David Sedaris: snagged Herb garden for doorway: purchased Penchant for yanking symbolism out of EVERYTHING: overplayed One of the problems with being a former English Lit major – aside from the general assumption that you won’t be using your degree unless you compose tortured sonnets in the bathroom of McDonald’s where you serve [...]
The need to post here is sitting on my shoulders like an elephant. An elephant who ate too much candy corn and is wearing a fuzzy pink hat remarkably like the one I’ve almost finished knitting. My elephant is fidgeting because he thinks he looks stupid in a half-finished hat with needles sticking out the top. He’s right, [...]
Scratching your head and clutching a coffee cup in panic over a who vs. whom crisis usually signals the relieved awakening from an unholy nightmare in which some masochist made you take a grammar test at 8:15 in the morning. Only this morning it wasn’t a dream and OH YEAH, THAT MASOCHIST IS ME. Willingly participating in a tragic demonstration [...]
Nothing like getting a salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks and calling it lunch to cement your domination in the field of poor decision making. Oof. Hot chocolate for lunch – not accompanied by a healthy salad or turkey sandwich, by the way - was really not one of my wiser plans. So, hey! Maybe the other decisions I’ve made today [...]
My parents considered naming me Sunshine (oh, the hippie years), but refrained for two reasons. One: I’d have to write Sunshine on all my checks and resumes, and do people take Sunshines seriously? I’m glad I never had to find out the hard way. Two: What if they called me “Sunny” and I, um, wasn’t? [...]
Some cultures believe you only have a certain number of heartbeats before you die. Or maybe it’s a religion? Or a crazy, snake-shaking sect? Or maybe nobody believes this and I just made it up. But if the heartbeat thing is true, today took approximately seven years off my life. First there was the mouse. [...]
I was going to write something deep and profound about the bluegrass festival, where I spent most of my time this weekend. And then I saw a mouse. Which put a sharp halt to any plans that didn’t include jumping, screaming, or wondering if I should get a hotel room for the night. I was [...]
A coworker whose advice I was asking about a piece of paper – damn those pieces of paper and the need to figure out what to do with them! – offered to take care of it for me. “I need to go see Anna anyway.” He opened a drawer, grabbed a hot pink brush, and pulled it carefully through [...]
