Dispatches From MooseVille
Posted by Moose on September 11th, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized.1. I love my hygienist, but I think she went to the Sweeney Todd School of Orthodontia. She braces herself against the chair and yanks at my molars with a metal hook, Dr. Horrible glasses shaking rhythmically as she cheerfully says, “Almost got it!” Referring, apparently, to the physical manifestation of my faulty brushing technique. Twenty minutes later she’s got it, and I sit up to find my little paper bib splattered in blood.
2. After the first week of employer-mandated heels, my shins yearned for my nonprofit days, when they paid me so little they were lucky I wore shoes to work at all. When I got in this morning, I forgot (add your own irony quotes, if you so desire) to change into my heels. I AM A REBEL. A REBEL IN GREEN SNEAKERS.
3. Last week, I was walking around telling people to call me Captain Cupcake. Yesterday, I requested to be referred to as CrankMaster 5000. So far, nobody has taken me up on it.
4. I met Teej this week! She’s just as charming in person as she is online and didn’t complain once when she offered me a ride home and my directions were…spotty. Or perhaps the Castro moved. IT COULD HAPPEN.
5. Embarrassing admission No. 6,731: Lined up along the wall of my living room/den/library/office/bedroom/conservatory are a dusty stack of birthday presents. For which I have not yet sent thank-you notes. In my strange little universe, thank-you notes that arrive months late are acceptable, AS LONG AS I’M NOT USING THE GIFTS.
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September 11th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I think #5 is completely okay. I mean, technically, you can’t write a thank you card if you’ve not used the gift yet. Otherwise how are you able to say what you enjoy about the gift?!
September 11th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
You work in an office that REQUIRES heels? You can’t even wear a charming pair of ballet flats??
September 11th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Only men would do such a thing as require high heels. That’s ridiculous and unfair.
If women have to wear heels, then men do too. Oh? What’s that you say? You don’t want to? Well, you can also wear ballet toe shoes. You have options!
September 11th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
I think the only official requirement is business shoes, but my only business-y shoes have heels on them. I could buy flat business-y shoes, but that sort of feels like giving in to the man.
The man should be notified that I will not be giving in.
(My shins only whined the first week. Now they’ve acquired business heel immunity.)
September 11th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
You should move to Canada: I have never in my life written a thank-you note for a birthday gift. Nor have I ever received one. We just…don’t do that. Granted, it’s relatively unusual to exchange birthday gifts with people to whom you’re not immediately related or otherwise close enough that thank-you notes would seem a little formal. So on the plus side, no thank-you notes. On the down side, no presents.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
And this is part of my problem – I’m never entirely sure when thank-you notes are appropriate. So I usually just feel guilty for awhile and never send them.
Dear Emily Post,
HELP!
Love, Moose
September 11th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
But! But! I don’t even know what business shoes are! That’s what I would say. Really, what are they? Are they loafers, with or without the penny? Are they… well, crap. I don’t know. Maybe I’m watching too much Mad Men, but I’m concerned that maybe when you walk through the office doors you are stepping into the 1959 offices of Sterling Cooper. What’s next, TORPEDO BRAS AND CORSETS?
September 11th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Dude. I have totally dropped the ball on the thank-you cards. I still haven’t sent any from April, May or June! That’s way worse than mid-July. And I’m from the South! I’d totally be disowned if the Wizard knew of my slacking.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
I love thank you notes, writing them and receiving them. Look at it this way, someone went out of their way to buy, possibly wrap, and send you a gift. Writing a couple of sentences on a postcard and dropping it in the mail is easy in comparison! I say if you’re strapped for time though, a thank-you email is totally acceptable.
I have a friend who used to be required to wear pantyhose to work. She didn’t work there for very long.
September 12th, 2008 at 12:47 am
I got to wear polka dot wellies and tevas to my job. I miss it so!
September 12th, 2008 at 8:59 am
CrankMaster 5000,
Do not give in to the man! Stay strong.
However, if you’re planning to stay there you might want to look into some non-high shoes you like that are not sneakers. (And if you want the shoe salespeople to wonder if you are a robot you should refer to them in just that way. Fun for everyone!)
Yours,
Captain Grumbles
September 12th, 2008 at 11:55 am
1. I know exactly who you’re talking about! The other day (I must have just missed you) I had another hygienist and I felt like, Surely my teeth can’t be clean. (But they were, and she was gentle, and it took less time.) The one thing the tenacious hygienist said to me, when I told her I flossed with Glide, was: That’s like dusting your furniture with silk. Doesn’t that image just stay with you?
September 12th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
captain cupcake i can do.
crankmaster 5000…not sure about that one
September 12th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I do exactly the same thing with gifts – my birthday was last week, and after tomorrow, once my thank-you notes are done, I’ll be able to use/wear my lovely gifts! Why IS that?
September 12th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I am supposed to send thank-you notes for birthday presents?
I have 33 years of catching up to do.
September 12th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Hmmm — tell me more about TORPEDO BRAS . . . maybe a description.
As an office manager for a large office, I’m interested.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:22 am
i may be forced to work at a place where they mandate footwear in the near future. buying ladyshoes doesn’t seem like something i’m going to look forward to. let me know how long they let you get away with the green-sneaker thing.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Mandatory heels? I’d be ranting DAILY and LOUDLY in the hallway for all to hear. Gah.
I think your thank you note rational is spot on. At least, I hope so!
*eyeing stack of thank you notes that are already two weeks overdue…*
September 15th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
You haven’t used our gift yet?????? You SURE?! ab