I Want To Be Ornery Too
Posted by Moose on September 4th, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized.I was downstairs blearily pumping coffee into a paper cup - incidentally, I just had to wipe this coffee up with my skirt (classy!) after spilling it all over my desk - when I heard the man behind the counter ask, “And how are you today?”
The woman in front of him replied, “I’m ornery and hungry.” Then she grabbed her hashbrowns and wolfed down eight bites before turning toward the cashier.
When people ask how I am, all I ever say is, “I’m fine, thanks.” Which is patently untrue. My emotional landscape is such that on any given day I’ll be happy, overwhelmed, amused, or so livid I want to take the anger swirling around in my chest, ball it up like a slice of cheap white bread and hurl it at the ceiling. In my entire life, I don’t think I’ve ever been fine.
So why do I always say I am?
September 4th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Because if we didn’t, the floodgates would open and no one would ever dare ask that question again
September 4th, 2008 at 11:28 am
because it’s easier than the truth
I was at the bank and I asked the teller how she was doing. I swear she replied that she was “pervy” but I was too embarrassed to ask her to repeat herself. I’m trying to figure out what else she could have said but all I can think of is “perfy” like a short form of perfect. I don’t know.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I’m still trying to determine the divide between honesty and social graces, honesty and not hurting someone’s feelings, honesty and my own complete cowardice.
September 4th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
i was just thinking about that this morning. i wanted people to ask me how i was, so i could be honest, and have them stop talking to me. which is ultimately what i want on days like this.
September 4th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I think it matters whether it’s a friend, in which case, it’s better to figure out what the truth is and report accurately, or a random not-even-acquaintance like the guy behind the counter at a fast food restaurant, in which case, there’s no sense in saying anything too meaningful.
September 4th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
There used to be this guy at a gas station in Texas I frequented when I lived there who would always ask me to smile.
He’d be like, Smile for me!
I always wanted scream I AM NOT YOUR TRAINED MONKEY.
So I stopped going there…because I’m a coward.
September 4th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Funny you should mention that–I was at Target yesterday, and the cute little Asian woman at the checkout asked the man in front of me how his day was. He said, “eh not so great” and went into a long-winded account of why that was so. I didn’t know people were so honest when asked how they’re doing! I thought that was only a European thing =)
September 4th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I always say I’m tired, even when I’m not,because I’m rarely fine but I don’t want to go into it. People are going to start thinking I have a disorder or something.
September 4th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Sometimes I’ll say “I’m tired” or on a few occasions I’ve said “shitty, how are you?” but then I immediately feel guilty because that person was just being polite! They didn’t really WANT to know.
September 4th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Interesting. I always go with “not bad, thanks,” which is the close cousin of “fine, thanks.” Not bad is more forgiving, I think — it encompasses more moods than fine, which can sometimes be useful.
September 4th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
i ALWAYS say i’m fine, even when i’m totally lying. i think it’s because most people don’t really care what the answer is…
September 4th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I usually say, “Splendid” and some people think I’m serious and some people think I’m being sarcastic. I let them decide.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Because most people who ask are trying to be polite and somewhat friendly, and “Fine, thanks, and you?” is all they’re looking for. It’s a superficial level, where they don’t really truely care to hear that you woke up 15 minutes late, couldn’t find matching socks, burned the toast, and are having a shit day.
The real friends are the ones who keep asking even after you asnwer “Fine”.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I think the answer should depend on who is asking you. If it’s the checker at the market, I don’t think there’s any reason to go beyond a simple, “Oh, doin’ okay, thanks. And you?” If it’s your mom or your best friend, different answers should be given. For me it depends on the the level of trust between me and the questioner as well as my actual mood.
For the record, if we ever meet and I ask you how you are, feel free to tell me the unvarnished truth.
September 4th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
I always say I am fine, even when I am so completely not.
Sending you a virtual hug. Maybe I need to send more Canadian candy too.
September 4th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Haha…I would love to say I’ll use that answer the next time someone asks, but I’m sure my normal, “good, thanks, how are you?” will blurt itself out of my mouth before I can say anything creative (and more honest).
September 4th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I wish I had a “Norm” answer when asked questions about how I feel, how my day is going, etc.
My favorite “Norm” answer:
Sam: What are you up to Norm?
Norm: My ideal weight if I were 11 feet tall.
Here is a site that has them all. Study it so you can have a clever comeback. Just replace every “beer” with “cheese biscuit” and you’ll be dandy.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
I always answer coworkers with, “I’m precious,” which is always amusing, because they never seem to know how to respond to that.
Besides, I AM, precious that is. And so are you.
When we meet, we will hurl any balled-up soft food as a form of fun friendship therapy.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
It’s all in the tone… I just say “ducky.” If I’m happy, it’s “ducky!” Like when I get to see Moose in person. When I’m not happy, it’s more like “grimace> ducky…” If the person can’t get over the fact that I said the word “ducky” and was not surrounded by bath bubbles at age 4, then, they weren’t prepared to hear anything else about how I am.
September 5th, 2008 at 9:18 am
If it’s not someone I have any relationship with I generally go with some variation of “Fine, and you?” Because, really? They don’t care. But with my friends at work, or the nice girl who I get coffee from every single day, they might hear something approaching the truth.
I love ornery and hungry though. I have been ornery and hungry MANY times. Usually all I can really do is grunt at people at that point.
September 5th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I usually say, “I’ve been better. You?”
Which is true, but doesn’t destroy the social rule.
September 5th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
It feels SO GOOD to go against the grain and tell the truth – I always admit if I’m hot or cranky or tired or bored or whatever, and I love how it makes me feel better, more honest. Try it. Though, not with your boss or something, unless you have a cool boss. Sometimes you have to keep up the whole social norms thing, which is why I continue to wear pants to work. Most of the time.
September 6th, 2008 at 8:13 am
I usually say Great. Sometimes okay. But with people who “know” me, the girls at the bank, etc. I usually try to think of a story about my day with a happy, positive slant. I don’t know why I do that.
Faith on Buffy the Vampire Slayer always said, “Five by five”. Nobody knew why.
An old guy I knew always said “10 yrs younger since the last time you asked”
September 6th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Yes, I just assume people don’t really want to know. I would only answer truthfully to close friends and family.
My father, on the other hand, is one of those older dudes who always says in response “Best day of my life!” all enthusiastic. That really throws people.
September 8th, 2008 at 6:11 am
It’s been my experience that people aren’t so much uninterested in the response as not even listening to it, especially in a place of business, ie: Starbucks. It’s a nicety before getting to the meat of your interaction which is what form of liquid crack will you be purchasing that moment. My typical response: “I’m bursting with fruit flavor.” The double take I get and the look of “wait, what? Did she say that?” is always worth it, especially when I am anything but. It never fails to cheer me up a little.
September 10th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
It’s not surprising to me that so many people who have commented have mentioned that typically the person asking the “How are you?” question isn’t so genuine in their inquiry. Which is reason number 427 why I LOATHE small talk. If you don’t CARE how someone is, why even ask them? If you do care, then you should prepare yourself for an honest answer. Even if that honest answer is less than sunshine and roses.
When someone asks me that question, I typically say “well,” because mostly I am, though if I’m having a sub par day the only response will be a less than enthusiastic “OK.” I’ve never been able to hide my emotion well, and only recently have I finally started liking that about myself.