The Space Between
Posted by Moose on August 26th, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized.Know what makes you look really stupid at the drycleaners? Not being able to remember your own phone number. Especially when the guy behind the counter looks up expectantly from his pad and the clock ticks and the man behind you clears his throat because he needs his suit for tomorrow and, oh by the way, he knows his phone number.
Due to a random series of circumstances involving my phone not working and another phone working better, I have a new number. I haven’t yet memorized this number, something I should probably do soon, before I pull out another keen impression of Cletus the slack-jawed yokel in front of someone I’m more interested in impressing than the guy at the cleaners.
Aside from not knowing my own phone number and accidentally walking to the Marina when I meant to be in Nob Hill, I’m feeling pretty competent these days. If something’s wrong, I fix it. Like mold in the closet or fruit flies who apparently enjoy clustering over missed spots of balsalmic vinegar. Or, for example, when the smoke alarm beeps so insistently it penetrates the pillow I have over my head until I climb out of bed, rip the damn thing out of the wall, and hide it in the storage closet under some pillows. (I didn’t say I handle things particularly well, I just said I handled them.)
I feel like I’m in the space right before a really big change. I don’t know what that change will look like – new job, new relationship, new flowerpots – but I feel it coming. Maybe it will be some charming combination of all three, with a side order of amazing new photography skills so my pictures stop looking like I handed my camera to a drunk monkey. Or maybe it will be something far more subtle than a paycheck or someone interesting to introduce to my friends. I have absolutely no idea and therein lies the fun.
Also the low-lying fear, but I stomp on fear. I STOMP ON IT WITH MY SIZE 9 STEEL-TOE BOOT.
My eating change is less from any great need to give up meat flesh and dairy than it is to shift the way I look at something as fundamental to my life and habits and desires as food. Because in doing that, maybe I can prompt a greater shift. And maybe not, but no one ever lost their soul by eating a banana for breakfast.
If nothing else, at least I’ll be able to recite my new phone number on command.
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August 26th, 2008 at 8:11 am
I LOVE that feeling of knowing something is about to change. I get it a couple times a year. Lately, my stomach has been doing that butterfly thing a few times a day for no reason at all. So exciting!…and distracting!!!
Good luck!
August 26th, 2008 at 8:32 am
You’re a size 9, too? Sweet, we can totally trade shoes! (I would have totally thought you a 7.)
August 26th, 2008 at 8:33 am
I’m hoping I’m in the same place. My size 9 steel-toe boots have been useless against the fear for the past couple of years, but I think I’ve been tricking myself lately. I joined Weight Watchers and have finally lost those 10 pounds that have been hounding me. I rearranged the bedrooms in my house. I cut my hair. Everyone keeps asking what is going on, and I say, “I’m bored.” Maybe, but maybe I’m getting ready for a big change in a surreptitious manner so as not to alert the paralyzing fear. Sh!
I can’t wait to see what lies ahead for you!
August 26th, 2008 at 8:59 am
I have the same issue with my cell phone number. I always hesitate and have to think about it. But really, who calls themself?? I think it’s perfectly LOGICAL that I can’t remember it.
Right?
August 26th, 2008 at 9:49 am
I absolutely hate fruit flies. We have them (or something that closely resembles them) and I have NO IDEA WHY.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:59 am
C&C: Good call. I need a fresh influx of footwear.
Mandee: Hair cuts are remarkably rejuvenating aren’t they? Unfortunately my hair can’t get much shorter. It could turn pink, however. (Hmmm.) Good luck tromping out any lingering fear!
Mrs. Who: I don’t have ANYONE’S number memorized any more. Ah, for the good old days when you actually had to punch in a sequence. It becomes a problem when I leave my cell at home. First, I have to FIND a pay phone. Then I stand their blankly, receiver in hand, only to realize that I can’t just punch in my friend’s name, I have to KNOW THE NUMBER. Bitten in the ass by technology again.
SLP: I looked it up on the internet. Apparently, you have to live in an aquarium filled with bleach to completely eradicate the bastards.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:58 am
NINE?!?!?!
also? my pictures always come out all drunk-monkey like too.
August 26th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
My husband’s cousin’s boyfriend’s aunt’s cat once knew someone who lost their soul from eating a banana for breakfast. True story. Really.
Anyway.
I am all kinds of excited now to see what form of change is headed your way. And then I think, “Maybe this is the change, all this handling of things? Maybe I should point that out?” And then I think, “Shut up. She’s totally going to get an awesome new job and find an awesome new boyfriend there and he will buy her awesome new flowerpots for Valentine’s day and I WANT TO READ ABOUT IT.” And then I think, “Time to lose the caffeine.” Heh.
In sum: excited for you, overthinking the change-on-its-way thing because it’s very familiar. I am sort of in the same boat but for different reasons, and it’s a weirdly cool feeling. And best of luck with the veganism!
August 26th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
It’s coming! I feel it!
August 26th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
you are so awesome, so of course it follows that life will give you awesome. i love this positivity and promise, it’s wonderful! (I do way too much brooding and bitching {ooh, that would be a good blog title. note to self.}. so thanks for the inspiration!
)
August 26th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I also wear a size nine shoe. If we weren’t so far apart, we could totally swap shoes.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
high five! i am a 9 (occasional 8.5), too! it’s very common where i come from. my feet are considered small *ha*
August 26th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Would you mind terribly if I made “I stomp on fear” my new slogan? And change must be in the air right now! I happen to know what my big change is going to be, but it is still exciting and nerve wracking.
August 27th, 2008 at 6:46 am
I love the feeling of hope and change – hooray! Here’s one change: write the number on a piece of paper and tape it to the back of the phone. (That’s what my dad does.)
August 27th, 2008 at 9:16 am
Oi, I have all sorts of problems remembering my phone number(s) these days. I think I’m just going to start telling people to contact me via smoke signals.
I’ve also been feeling like something is going to, or certainly should, change. Maybe it has to do with turning 30. Who knows…
August 27th, 2008 at 9:39 am
It’s really been an incredible year for you. Maybe you didn’t welcome all of the changes handed to you BUT when I look at you now, I’m so proud.
You have an adorable apartment, you’re like a Mary Tyler Moore plucky gal in the city, and you’re…really happy.
Seriously, you rule and I think change will be afoot soon too.
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I’m feeling the same thing about a big change. But that’s mostly because it is a tad forced, what with work laying me off and all.
Good luck with it, whatever it is!