If God Really Is a Big Chicken, Colonel Sanders is Screwed
Posted by Moose on August 22nd, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized.You know your dietary standards are slipping when you walk into the kitchen at work, see a large chocolate sheet cake, and think, “Ooh! Breakfast!”
One unexpected downside to letting myself eat whatever I darn well please for a few months is I start thinking traitorous thoughts like: “Maybe a lean cut of chicken and some green beans would taste better than a bacon cheeseburger with shoestring fries.” Then I have to pick up the nearest hardcover book and pummel some sense into myself.
Announcement (Prepare Your Merriam-Webster For Pummeling): I started eating fruit again. I’ve even eaten a strange, green thing that scientists refer to as “a vegetable.” It was odd. Crunchy and entirely lacking in the soothing grease of a french fry.
Food and I are reinventing our relationship. I spent a week saying no to bacon and anything else that didn’t come in a tofu package. I spent the first three days of this week just eating raw food. (Until I felt like I was going to faint, and coped by shovelling macaroni and cheese into my gaping maw.) I’m finally coming around to the notion that what I eat affects how I feel. I don’t particularly want to give up buttery croissants and chocolate mousse, but if doing so will give me more energy and help keep my emotions stable – it might just be worth a try. Plus, there are all those animals to consider and what happens if God is really a big chicken, huh? WHAT THEN?
But can you really have emotional stability without grilled cheese? Really?
See that sentence above? FIERY RED FLAG. I use food to comfort myself. On the one hand, I don’t see much wrong with that. It’s not like I’m comforting myself with crack cocaine or the warm blood of stolen infants. On the other hand (damn that other hand), I wonder if I’m repressing certain things by eating a spot of something nice, flipping on an episode of Firefly, and tuning out whatever bothers me. I’d really rather deal with things than let them get worse by ignoring them. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I don’t want to deal with things. Why would I want to take a good, hard look at my life and change my habits when I can just guzzle a mocha and watch Legally Blonde?
Being a grownup is tough.
Who knows where I’ll end up on the food spectrum when I’m finished – there are so many nuances of vegetarianism and veganism it would give any red meat eater a migraine. Maybe I’ll become so crunchy even the most hardened Berkeley dweller gets aggravated. Maybe I’ll be vegetarian every second Tuesday. Maybe I’ll just end up right back where I started. (Mmmm…barbequed short ribs.) Worse case scenario, I’ve eaten a little extra spinach. Or maybe I’ll end up eating more responsibly – for myself and the chickens.
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August 22nd, 2008 at 8:02 am
I have so many replies to this post…I may have to make more than one comment. Because I will probably forget what I wanted to say.
1. Firefly? Fabulous!!! Joss Whedon is a God and totally unappreciated for his fabulous writing and great characters.
2. Chocolate cake for breakfast. Done that. My family still teases me because it’s “just like a doughnut!!”
3. Fruits and veggies? Working on it. I have completely given up desserts since I came back to school last week. And I gained a pound. I think it’s because I was eating, eating, eating to make up for not having dessert!! But the sugar is packing on the pounds and I decided I have a sugar addiction. We’ll see how this works.
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:17 am
To focus on what’s really important here: We, just yesterday, started watching Firefly. Moose? You and I have similar (superb) tastes in TV. X-Files, Alias, and now Firefly. So, you know…yay!
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:45 am
mmmmmmmm chocolate cake. Did you say something after that?
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:47 am
oprah and i say emotional eating is totally normal
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:53 am
All right, all you people with my exact (and utterly awesome) taste, here’s a test: Anyone catch the Calvin and Hobbes reference? Anyone?
Ali: I think emotional eating IS normal, and I’m not really adverse to it. I just want to recognize when it’s happening and be on top of taking care of the original problem – as well as chomping down that delicious chocolate cake. (Or not. If I go the terrifying No Sugar route.)
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:23 am
On “Bill Cosby, Himself”, Cosby’s children tricked him into getting chocolate cake for breakfast. He rationalized it because, you know, there’s eggs, milk and wheat. That’s a well rounded breakfast! (you could probably find that clip on you tube)
It’s a better breakfast than my on-the-fly Twix and diet Mt. Dew I consume upon occasion at breakfast time. Only when I find myself at a check-out line, in the morning, that’s got candy and cold drinks looking at me.
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:23 am
I am so very proud of you acting all grown-up. I should try that sometime.
I am also now craving bacon.
As for the no sugar route, I do that most of the time. I wonder sometimes if aspartame and Splenda will kill me, but then I crack another Diet Coke and stop worrying about it.
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:48 am
I’m sort of in the opposite camp. I have been a vegetarian for 15 years and, having just read “The Omnivore’s Dilemma,” I’m considering going back to a wee bit of meat-eating, but only if it’s like farm-raised meat … none of this fast food or Tyson chicken crap.
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:57 am
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat (or a slice of greasy bacon AB). ~Fran Lebowitz
Thought you’d enjoy Fran’s perspective as you munch your way through food research.
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 am
No matter what you do, you will aggravate a Berkeley dweller. Why bother walking on eggshells? Save an egg!
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:45 am
Can you teach me your disciplined ways, oh Moosey? I can’t for the life of me refrain from something chocolate on a daily basis!
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:25 am
I soothe myself with J.Crew. I’m hoping Tim Gunn is actually God becuse he would LOVE ME.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:33 am
If you become a vegan, we’re going to have to renegotiate the terms of our friendship. What will we do when we hangout if we can’t eat pig, diary, and duck fat? Hmmm????
But good work on eating more fruits and veggies. I find that tomatoes are a great way to get nutrients. Slice one up, dust it with some fresh pecorino, broil it in the oven, voila!
(note: Not a vegan recipe, which should be a lesson to you)
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:34 am
To argue the other side, I think woman have a big problem with depriving ourselves, or constantly beating ourselves up when we give in to our cravings.
I eat well 90% of the time, so I don’t feel guilty that other 10%. It works. I don’t think twice about ordering bacon with my pancakes on Saturday morning, because I’ve had yogurt and fruit for breakfast all week.
And I think sitting in front of the t.v. with a pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream (my favorite) when you’ve had a shitty day can be very therapeutic.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Ok, first off it’s never the wrong time to watch an episode of Firefly. Never.
Second, it’s supposed to be about moderation, right? So just one piece of cake for breakfast.
Third, I continue to be amazed at how things that are supposed to be good for you (sleeping enough, eating right, exercising) actually make me feel better. Stupid health and nutrition.
Fourth, “Eternal consequences, that’s what!!”
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Jennifer in SF wins! Brilliant.
Food question: I think it is about moderation. And I think there’s nothing better than sitting down with some Alias and a chocolate chip cookie when your mind is fruitlessly churning.
But I also have some rather sticky places of high sensitivity and am very interested to see how my diet affects that. If my overall quality of life is better without some things, I might have to seriously consider giving them up.
Maybe.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
There is nothing wrong with cake for breakfast. Ever.
Except if it has fruit in it because fruit does NOT belong in cake.
And also comforting yourself with the warm blood of stolen infants? Best line ever!
Unless, you really are doing that. Then, well, I can’t really be talking to you anymore.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I just need to chime in to say NO, there cannot be emotional stability without grilled cheese. CANNOT.
Sure, eat all the fruits and vegetables, indulge in tofu. But you know on that rainy day when you just need something cozy, there’s only one thing to make you whole. And that is grilled cheese.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:25 pm
i could totally be a vegetarian if it weren’t for those stupid juicy cheeseburgers.
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I too am a fan of the particular brand of escapism that manifests itself in DVD boxed sets and copious amount of On Demand movie watching.
And it’s so funny, because Chris and I were just today! talking about food as a source of fall-back, and habit, more than food as sustenance and food for growth and vitality. My brain tells me certain foods are “comfort” foods, and yet my body says “No, thank you!” And then there are the occasional foods that both my head and my body seem to heartily agree are fantastic, and those that, well, aren’t. It’s a definite struggle for me now (and has been), to associate between what I WANT to eat, and what I NEED to eat, but it’s something I really am trying hard to do, because I’m committed to being healthier, which I have all the faith in the world will make me happier, regardless of my overall size.
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:14 am
cake for breakfast? ok, there’s one decision made for the day. thanks moose!
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I kill myself at the gym so I can eat chocolate cake for breakfast and still fit in my jeans. That probably works because I am in my twenties. When I’m in my thirties, well, then maybe I’ll work on becoming an adult. Maybe. I do love me some chicken though.
August 24th, 2008 at 6:41 am
I’m glad that I’m not the only one that has a funny relationship with food.
August 26th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I did! I got the Calvin and Hobbes ref!