He Didn’t, By the Way
Posted by Moose on August 19th, 2008. Filed under: Meat Suit.Going to a two-hour dance class when you 1) have been sick for the past week, 2) haven’t danced in a year and a half, and 3) haven’t done ANY real exercise in the past year and a half, come to think of it, and why are my muscles so floppy and wizened? is possibly stupid. Or perhaps it’s rather smart, because there’s nothing like flailing your arms wildly for a couple of hours to start your journey to the mythical land of Muscle Tone.
I made it through the class, but I was utterly useless for the rest of the day. Dancing requires, um, a lot of moving, which is somewhat disconcerting when you’re so fond of inertia you compose tender haikus and make it breakfast in bed. Dance class means your body has to do 16 things at once – at least 6 of which you missed during the demonstration – and then an entirely new set of things a few seconds later. For two hours. I don’t think about how exhausted I am because I’m so busy wondering where on earth I’m supposed to be next and how I get there and what shape my arms are supposed to be in when I do. There was a lot of floundering, I don’t mind telling you.
Floundering is sort of my theme for the summer.
Notes on mental floundering: I was moving my car this morning – I only drive my car to repark it on street cleaning days, welcome to San Francisco! - when the radio announcer mentioned a Beethoven piece, one he “wrote based on Goethe.” Now, when it’s early in the morning and you’re not quite awake, “Goethe” might sound a lot like “Gouda.” So I spent ten minutes being all excited that Beethoven wrote a symphony about cheese.
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August 19th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Ooooh, fun. What kind of dance?
August 19th, 2008 at 11:26 am
It was a jazz-hip hop hybrid, with a little modern thrown in just to confuse people. Come to think of it, I may have been the only one who was confused.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:38 am
TWO HOURS?! That’s impressive. I’m lucky if I make it through dancing in the car (just upper body movements) for five minutes without needing to catch my breath.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:42 am
But cooommme on… didn’t you feel good after a power workout?? Didn’t you???
August 19th, 2008 at 11:46 am
SLP: I was wheezing myself within about five minutes. After an hour and a half, it was all I could do to remain upright. Sheer stubbornness got me through.
San: It did feel good! (Through the veil of exhaustion.) Humans are meant to run around frantically, chasing after saber tooth tigers and the like. I am returning to my roots.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:48 am
I once wrote a song about eating frosting from the tub for dinner, perhaps I can throw in a line about cheese for you?
I haven’t gone to yoga in months and I’m scared to go now, because it’s been so long, so I keep putting it off. Good for you for getting your first class out of the way! It all gets better from here.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I used to do Jazzercize (no, I’m not in my 50′s) and that was actually a pretty good workout. I don’t know about SF but there are cities around Boston where you can’t park your car on the street at night. At all. People will actually put a piece of small furniture in a space to reserve it until they get back with their car. Insanity.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Do you get to do any sort of recital? Because you KNOW we will be there with video cameras in the front row if you do, cheering along and holding up signs for encouragement.
(Uh, now I have a feeling that if you DO have a recital, you’re not going to tell us about it.)
August 19th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
If there is a recital, I SO want to see the footage.
I am also now craving cheese.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I’m lucky if I can do 3 things at once when “dancing.” I’m impressed! Plus, how cool would a symphony about CHEESE be?!
August 19th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
what is this exercise of which you speak?
also? a symphony about cheese sounds awesome.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Dance recital, you say? HERE YOU GO:
Moose Dances – you have to click on the links to see the pictures. Which is tiresome I admit. But possibly worth it, depending on my facial expression and flinging hair.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Down with group exercise!
August 19th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I’m pretty sure all symphonies are about cheese. How else would the be so passionate? (Passionate is a relative term I suppose. But you know what I mean.)
August 19th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Oh to be a fly on the wall for your dance class. And Beethoven totally should have written an Ode to Gouda. Wonder why he didn’t??
August 19th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Oohhh. I didn’t know you were a dancer. I LOVE to dance particularly classical ballet and hip hop. Also I eat my scrambled eggs with gummy bears.
Please, please have a recital.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
The world really is missing a symphony about cheese isn’t it?
August 20th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Great, now I’m hungry. And, inert.
August 20th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
We will gladly host the MooseDance08 recital on our backyard stage. We have a red satin curtain and everything. And everyone’s invited!
August 20th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Those pictures you linked to are AWESOME. And you look so GRACEFUL.
And I think your premise about humans being meant to be chasing saber tooth tigers would make great motivation for a running group.
August 21st, 2008 at 4:15 pm
I remember going to dance class when I was sick.
So. Did’ja do any turns across the floor and turn into a human snot sprinkler?
And to Georgia: thanks to Philly brand cream cheese, we can now eat cheesecake straight out of the tub, both regular and CHOCOLATE (which, to me, is just further proof of the Absolute Evil that festers on our planet).
If crust-is-a-must, skip the spoon and use graham crackers as edible scoops.
August 21st, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I want tender haikus. No one loves me.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I always feel so dumb in those dance classes. I like to think I’m pretty coordinated but then they are all “move your arms and legs at the same time” and I’m all “HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?”