This is what falling off the wagon with an abrupt thud looks like. Warm, cheddary goodness that tastes like the souls of kittens, gently baked by the breath of Blake Lively. My guilty expression. I also look like this when I return a library book late and tiptoe out the door without paying the fine. [...]
Today was one of those days. One of those days where I was halfway to work before remembering that, thanks to an unhealthy obsession for clean streets, San Francisco was going to give me a ticket if I didn’t haul my ass back home and move my car. I trudged dutifully back and climbed into [...]
Know what makes you look really stupid at the drycleaners? Not being able to remember your own phone number. Especially when the guy behind the counter looks up expectantly from his pad and the clock ticks and the man behind you clears his throat because he needs his suit for tomorrow and, oh by the [...]
You know your dietary standards are slipping when you walk into the kitchen at work, see a large chocolate sheet cake, and think, “Ooh! Breakfast!” One unexpected downside to letting myself eat whatever I darn well please for a few months is I start thinking traitorous thoughts like: “Maybe a lean cut of chicken and [...]
Going to a two-hour dance class when you 1) have been sick for the past week, 2) haven’t danced in a year and a half, and 3) haven’t done ANY real exercise in the past year and a half, come to think of it, and why are my muscles so floppy and wizened? is possibly stupid. Or [...]
I can smell the mold growing in my airless shaft of an apartment. It’s a bit disturbing, and I would be on my hands and knees scrubbing out every last spot, only I’ve declared myself patron saint of Those Who Watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer While Snuffling Feebly Into a Napkin Because All The Kleenex [...]
I contracted the plague on Friday. It masquerades as a common cold, but DON’T BE FOOLED. Due to my current status as disease incubator, I slept in today. As I was trying to drag my weakened carcass out of bed around 10 a.m., a homeless man passed by my window pushing his stolen shopping cart. [...]
I am an unabashed nerd. When I was 16, I went to see Interview with a Vampire the day it opened. WEARING A CAPE. (Go ahead and laugh. I’ll wait.) I bought the last Twilight novel mere hours after it was released - and finished reading it mere hours after handing over my credit card to the bored clerk at [...]
What you forget about the sun when you live in a foggy microclimate? Is its latent ability to transform you from Pleasantly Pasty to Lobster Impersonator in under half an hour. My skin, it is singed. I don’t want to fuss too vehemently, as said singeing happened when I was lolling out of doors in [...]
