Your Comments Make Me Love The Internet
Posted by Moose on July 31st, 2008. Filed under: My Brain Needs a Drink.Conclusion from yesterday’s post: I’m trying to cheat. My perfectionist tendencies are cunning beasts and wanted to convince me that if I do the breakup RIGHT, it will be over faster. So I can go skip through fields of daisies or something. Which, um, probably isn’t the way it works.
Internet: 1; Moose: 0
Maybe I’m also confused by the process. My expectations have been foiled YET AGAIN. I planned to be a miserable, uncombed wretch for at least six months. But I’m as well-groomed as ever. (Which maybe isn’t saying much.) Perhaps it’s my persistently sunny nature. Perhaps it’s all that cheese. But I’m reasonably happy and that just seems…wrong. Disloyal somehow.
Regardless, I need to accept that I’m going to be blindsided sometimes, and there’s no way around it. There will be good weeks and bad days and moments that kick me between the shoulder blades. Like when you’re bobbing peacefully in the ocean, staring at clouds shaped like frogs in top hats, until a wave crashes over your head and sends you somersaulting through the cold, salty water. So you spend a few minutes coughing weakly and blowing salt out of your nose and then you dry off and go look for a hot dog. (And maybe an 18-year-old named Lance.)
I can handle a little salt water. Especially with such smart people in my corner. Thanks, smart people!
Related posts:
July 31st, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Lance is sitting next to me. He think you are HAWT. Just sayin’…
July 31st, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Hi, Lance!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:11 pm
That would be he “THINKS”. Don’t let my poor grammar reflect on him. He’s *also* HAWT. But eighteen. Just sayin’…
July 31st, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Cheese fixes everything. Let’s start making pillows that say that.
July 31st, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Um, I’ll accompany you to pick up Lance. But only if his full name is Lancelot. Talk about HAWT.
August 1st, 2008 at 7:19 am
Lance sounds like a good idea. Everyone needs a little Lance now and then.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:28 am
I remember how guilty I felt when I noticed how beautifully the sun was shining on a gorgeous day while my brother was in a coma (he came out of it and is perfectly healthy, today). How dare the world continue to rotate and go about its usual business when I could be losing a brother!
Another time, I had to dance joyfully, or at least, convincingly so, in a paid gig right after having put a beloved pug down and crying my eyes out to the point of dehydration.
And yeah, it just seemed so wrong. But it proved to me that I would also be able to get through finals that month, and one last semester of school.
And frogs in top hats? “Hello, my baby! Hello, my darlin’! Hello, my ragtime gaaaaal!”
August 1st, 2008 at 10:20 am
This story is not really related to anything you just said, but I just read a cutting comment somewhere that Lance Armstrong’s “fifteen minutes of fame were over a while ago.” I found this hilarious. Mostly because winning the Tour de France seven times takes, oh, I don’t know, about seven years or so. Which is a lot like fifteen minutes, I guess, except longer.
Maybe you had to be there. Or maybe it would be better if this story were relevant to this post in some way. Whatever.
LANCE!
P.S. Quit trying to cheat. I give you an A for effort in trying to incorporate your breakup into your To-Do list somehow, however.
August 1st, 2008 at 10:27 am
Conclusion, Part II: I THINK TOO MUCH.
Also, I have too great a faith in the power of to-do lists. And too little faith in people named Lance.
I wonder what would happen if I fed all my to-do lists through the shredder? I might actually die. Have a coronary right there on the floor. Perhaps it’s worth trying. And documenting. On Youtube. Here is a video of my death. ENJOY.
August 1st, 2008 at 10:54 am
Point, the first: You are strong and fantastic. Point, the second: If ever you are truly bobbing peacefully in an ocean staring at clouds shaped like frogs in top hats please watch out for sharks. The Discovery Channel. It is making me PARANOID.
(This from a girl who used to swear sharks could swim up from the ocean and into pool drains. Ah, imagination.)
August 2nd, 2008 at 10:54 am
I am always freaking late to the party.
I just wanted to say HUGS. LOVE YOU. And another scrabble word you can use a Q with no U is “QAT”.
Hee.
August 4th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!
That is all.