Growing More Attached to this Whole Wedding Idea
Posted by Moose on July 29th, 2008. Filed under: Nice Things.Whenever I think about the afterlife – usually when someone cuts me off on the freeway and I have to slam on my brakes – I generally think of it as a big party with all your favorite people.
Kind of like a wedding, as it turns out.
It’s rare to get people from all parts of your life – family, friends, children of friends, dogs of friends - in one room. Maybe for a big round-numbered birthday, or a retirement party, or because you just died. But if you’re dead, you can’t really socialize much without a judicious application of clanking chains and Ouija boards. Even then, you can’t eat the brownies. Weddings seem to be one of the few times in our busy and scattered lives when we can say “Hey! This is important! You should come! And buy me a kitchen-aid mixer while you’re at it.” And people will fly across oceans and brave the mayhem of Bed Bath & Beyond on a Sunday - all to show up for you. Your brother might even wear a clean shirt. (Well, my brother probably won’t. But yours might!)
It’s officially wedding season, and much of my summer is being spent staring at my green silk dress with a critical eye and wondering if anyone will actually notice that splosh of white wine on the hem. On Saturday, I drove into the Santa Cruz mountains for the wedding of a friend who grew up down the street from me. A few hours this week will be given to obsessive flight shopping – trying to see if my meager budget will stretch to a New York wedding in August and another New York wedding in September. (It probably won’t, but I keep putting it off, just in case my bank account gains an extra few zeros JUST BECAUSE I WILLED IT SO.)
I’m ashamed to admit, I almost opted out of Saturday’s wedding. Large chickens squawking in my ears saved me, even though I became one of those horribly obnoxious people who wait until 9 p.m. on the “please respond by…” date to send a frantic email saying, ”I’ll be there! Make sure there’s plenty of steak!” (There was.) Attending a wedding when you’re single – at an age when most of your peers really just aren’t single any more – can be a little daunting. Especially when you’re still a bit shy and will know approximately three people – two of whom are the bride and groom. (Even that’s mighty generous, because you’ve only met the bride once.) But I smacked some much-needed sense into myself and trucked out alone. And I’m so very glad I did. It was one of those perfect weddings – short ceremony under the redwoods, people who aren’t afraid to pull out the running man on the dance floor when occasion warrants, a warm night to stare into a pond and name the goldfish. It was a beautiful wedding, and not just because the cake was chocolate and covered in whipped cream.
It’s nice to be invited into someone else’s heaven for a few hours.
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July 29th, 2008 at 9:10 am
That last line is wonderful!
And for all of their lives, your friends will remember (and appreciate) that you were there, I promise.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I remember the first time I had that realization–it was my first tour of duty as a bridesmaid. The bride was sneaking a peak out of the window to see who was arriving at the church. I said, “Wow, this must be a little overwhelming–to have everyone you love under the same roof.” She erupted into tears and I lost my crown as best bridesmaid.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:25 am
It was the perfect wedding, short ceremony…
HAHAHAH
We’re hoping our ceremony is no longer than ten minutes. But yeah, I totally hear you on this. I don’t like to go to any party where I won’t really know people. I’m a total wall flower.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:33 am
She Likes Purple: Thank you! And that’s one of the main reasons I ended up going. I wanted to support them more than I wanted to avoid a potentially awkward social situation. (And it wasn’t awkward at all. People were lovely and I had such a good time I broke the strap of my shoe while dancing like a kangaroo on speed.)
Anne & May: I’m trying valiantly to conquer my wallflower tendencies. Sangria and a DJ playing Paul Simon helps immensely.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Hi, I’m a lurker! You’re on my feed reader so I read all your new stuff
This post is really pretty exquisite. I just had my wedding and never thought about it as my heaven. That last line really is quite beautiful. Thanks for writing it.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:51 am
It definitely makes you appreciate people even more than usual when they show up for your wedding, believe me!
That last line was awesome.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Well, SOMEONE has to be single, gorgeous, and available at weddings so that more movies can be made about the handsome men that they meet at the receptions.
Okay, so a lot of these movies are fictional.
And yes, excellent last line!
July 29th, 2008 at 10:30 am
That was just lovely. Nicely written:)
July 29th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Everyone else already said all the “Awe!” things that I wanted to, so I will be typical Loralee and say, “Mmm…chocolate cake…mmm….”
July 29th, 2008 at 11:20 am
you are a way better person than i…i probably would have not gone at all…i stumbled this post. i thought it was great.
July 29th, 2008 at 11:34 am
It seems to be en vogue to hate going to weddings, but I just kind of love the fanfare and tradition of the whole thing.
But yeah, the bride thing? OVERWHELMING.
July 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
I’m getting ready to fly to Boston for my best friend’s wedding. I’m getting excited because 1. it’s my best friend’s wedding and 2. I really, really, really need a break and 3. they’re having chocolate cake!!!
It took me a while to get the ticket for the flight back (I had the ticket out there but was hoping they’d have a sale) and by the time I bought it, it was MORE. Don’t wait any longer than you have to because it sucks to pay more.
July 29th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Oh, the last line was so beautiful. Beautiful.
And from now on I will always think of heaven like this. How wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
July 29th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I’m the opposite of a wallflower … in kind of the worst way. Half the time I feel like I leave places and people ask themselves “Who’s that girl? And more importantly … who wanted her here?”
The last wedding I went to I did a full on karaoke performance of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” which included both air guitar AND push ups.
See also: mullet hat at CheeseburgHer party.
I’m a hot mess.
But I’m with you on the last line
That’s sweet.
July 29th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Just to echo everyone else, the last line (and the whole post!) is beautiful.
And now, on a selfish note, I say YES to the NY weddings, budget be damned!!
July 29th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
We are missing a wedding this week because when we originally looked at airfare it was over $300 per person. Just today I had an email in my inbox offering a fare sale to that particular city from our particular city for $79! Ah, Universe, how you like to toy with my emotions.
Family reunions remind me of weddings from the heavenly all-together standpoint. I love that. They are lacking in the cake (or pie!) department, however.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
OK, hailing from the South, I can always relate to any wedding madness. I thought last year was bad–13 weddings, six of which I was in. But now many of my friends–25 or 26 years old, mind you–are on their SECOND fetes. Being in CA now is nice b/c no one expects me to fly back for all the events. But would you believe it, every weekend of my MAY AND JULY 2009 is already taken with a wedding. Soon I’m going to have a policy where the next wedding I’ll attend will be my own (and let’s be honest, that might never happen!).
July 30th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I have a $$$ unopened Cuisinart fondue set I received for my wedding that–since the divorce–i have been itching to re-gift. well guess who doesn’t know one.single.person who is ready to tie the knot? yeah that’s me.
July 30th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
That is EXACTLY how I want my wedding to be: just a big old party with lots of champagne and everyone I love in the same place. Drinking the champagne. And dancing crazily because of it.
July 30th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
As the friend who is having the August wedding in NY, I just have to chime in here (my first blog comment ever! I’m a bit nervous…)
I would, of course, LOVE it if you could celebrate with us. But I also totally understand if you can’t make it and I will love you just the same no matter what.
If you’re able to make it out for the September wedding, *please* come stay with us.
Mostly I just want to see you — to visit with a dear friend because, really, it’s been too long.
July 30th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
I have had to go to three weddings of good friends now…single…they all turned out far, far better than I expected. I’m not ready to convert into the “single is better for weddings” guru…but I am ready to accept that it is hard to get there…and in the long run, it’s worth it. Love the line, btw, “It’s nice to be invited into someone else’s heaven for a few hours.”
July 31st, 2008 at 6:32 am
Yes! The thing that struck me about our wedding was how much fun it was to have that unique blend of “our people” all together in one room. FUN.
July 31st, 2008 at 9:05 am
I hate going to weddings alone as a single person.
I’m going to make you be my date to my next one. What are you doing August 22?
August 1st, 2008 at 9:08 pm
i’m going to be in a wedding for the first time since i was nine, and i’ve been a little nervous. but this is a wonderful post and now i feel excited to see my friend’s big day.
i also vote yes for new york–i’m sure you’ve got plenty of fans besides me who would enjoy a meet up!