Power of the Semicolon
Posted by Moose on July 24th, 2008. Filed under: Love.Am I the only one who thinks it’s unbearably hot when someone uses a semicolon correctly? Maybe this predilection is because I don’t trust myself to put those charming sentence separators in their proper place, so if I see one that looks right, I have to stop and fan myself weakly. Like when you watch someone start a motorcycle or change a tire. (No, I can’t change a tire and yes, I know I fail at feminism.)
Good punctuation transcends gender. If you use it right, I will think you are incredible and I will want to make out with you. Which probably means I’m going to end up with someone barely literate. Or at least has illegible handwriting. I think this is good. What we want (or think we want) (or find super hot) is not necessarily what we should have. So, um, please note that I DO NOT WANT, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT, someone funny, kind, intelligent, tall, and dreadfully cute. Ahem.
(I suspect Fate (or the Great Powers of Randomness) (whichever you prefer) is too clever for my weak attempts at trickery. Damn.)
But I think the theory holds. If you’re attracted to a certain type of person, and relationships with said types keep exploding in a shower of cornea-gouging debris, isn’t that a sign that you should change your pattern? That maybe impeccable punctuation is not the sole indicator of a happy, lasting relationship?
I wonder what The Chicago Manual of Style has to say on this matter.
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July 24th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Ooooh, the Chicago Manual. I spend way too much time on that site.
Hi, I’m an editor. And a nerd.
July 25th, 2008 at 5:49 am
One of my favorite poets, Thomas Lux, said, “A semicolon is a period that leaks.”
July 25th, 2008 at 5:51 am
I felt, up until my junior year of college, that I had a decent grasp on grammar. Then came the dreaded grammar class, a requirement for my photography major (seriously WTF?).
Then my whole world exploded in a shower of semicolons, diagramed sentences and dangling participles. I didn’t even get a C in the damn class, which is what I needed to pass. So I was stuck taking it again. I swear I had/have a decent grasp of grammar but that class made me feel like I was illiterate.
July 25th, 2008 at 8:36 am
I am an editor.
good grammar is HOT!
July 25th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Moose, I think you can combine these thoughts into a strategic dating principle.
Step 1: Go on first date
Step 2: Casually mention obscure grammar point such as a gerand, autoantonym, or the correct way to pronounce sherbet.
Step 3: Wait for blank stare or a hearty response such as, “I remember when I got my first OED. Oh middle school.”
You see! You could weed out the bad apples that way.
July 25th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Knowing how to use a semicolon correctly is one of those vague phobias that I need to run directly toward and stare in the eye until it no longer intimidates me.
That said, superior intellect and the art of articulation are qualities that also have me oozing in the juices of my own lust over someone (such as Mr. Gomolvilas).
And yes, definitely “someone funny,” with a wicked sense of humor – like yours! – as long as we’re writing out wish lists . . .
July 25th, 2008 at 10:22 am
I’ve got an English degree under my belt and was an editor for two years. I’ve only seen that power in a few people. It’s an amazing thing. I’m with you on this one.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Good grammar is beyond hot. Also, I sleep next to a copy of When Words Collide.
July 25th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Im so guilty as charged
and DONT LOVE THAT ABOUT MYSELF.
english lit undergrad where they focused too much on our ideas and NOT enough on punctuation.
I was better at all that in high school than I am now at 39.
duly noted.
Miz.
July 25th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
If you think about it, you might want someone who CAN’T use a semi-colon properly. If they are that good with grammar, you two could compete/worry the other one would ditch you if you made a mistake.
I say you find yourself a good accountant. Smart, but in a different area.
Which means you could date ME! If I were into girls and not married with kids.
So, yeah. I don’t think it will work out.
Wait. Did I just ask you out then break up with you in three sentences? At least we can still be friends.
July 25th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Good grammar is so hot! It irriates me when people think semi-colons and commas are the same thing. They are not, people. KNOW THE RULES!
I was an editor in a former life, can you tell?
I dated this guy who knew what correct grammar was, but was lazy in emails. When I called him out on it, he’s all “well, I used to work in a blue collar industry and people don’t like it when you correct their grammar. They think you’re a giant douche.”
And then I broke up with him.
July 25th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
I
Don’t know
how to use semicolons.
I will just send you a chicken fried steak to make up for it.
July 26th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Personally I live by the AP Style Guide. But what really irks me is when people utilize the semi-colon when they really mean his sister, THE COLON. That bothers me to no end.
July 26th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
I LOVE to pimp proper punctuation. In fact, that was my all-time favorite tagline for my site! The fact that Chris can write? Super sexy, definitely.
July 27th, 2008 at 10:18 am
I’m more of a spelling Nazi. The kids would ask me about the semicolon and I would say that it is one of the most useless grammatical devices for anything they were going to do. Use a period!
But lay down on my proverbial couch because I think we need to talk about your excessive use of parentheses.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I like to use semicolons; however, I am often unsure if I am using them correctly or not.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
This would be why I have a huge disclaimer on my blog stating that I suck at all things grammar-related.
I just have to hope that my personality and that I write about my ta-ta’s are enough to overlook this flaw.
July 28th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
I read you; therefore, I wish to make out with you.
Semicolons used properly ROCK! Oh, baby. Moose me.
P.S. And thank you for your sweetness over at BEAW. Much appreciated. So much.
July 29th, 2008 at 6:50 am
yay grammar! I never took any kind of advanced class (and therefore gerunds and that are a little above me) but I absorbed plenty of the good stuff.
Sadly, I’ve rarely taught semi-colons to my sixth-graders because commas confuse the heck out of them. sigh.
Do you read John Irving? He is All About the semi-colon. As well as being extremely talented, obviously.
July 30th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
I concur – good grammar is hot! However I did marry someone who grammar is OK but is ability to always keep my wine glass full is unparalleled. Also, it does mean that I regularly kick his cute butt at Scrabble.
July 31st, 2008 at 11:25 am
The semi-colon is like the popular kid in school. And the semi-colon KNOWS it. Fucking bitch.
But like you, mastery of grammar is sexier than bulging pecks. That being said, read Eats, Shoots & Leaves. It’s written by a British lady who takes grammar to an entirely new level. And while upon completing the book I realized I’m still unsure how to use a semi-colon, I at least felt smarter (and entertained and mildly aroused).
August 5th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Them semi-colons our hot; I seen them used all over the place, two. There not as fine as triple-exclamation points: but they’ll due.