Conclusion from yesterday’s post: I’m trying to cheat. My perfectionist tendencies are cunning beasts and wanted to convince me that if I do the breakup RIGHT, it will be over faster. So I can go skip through fields of daisies or something. Which, um, probably isn’t the way it works. Internet: 1; Moose: 0 Maybe [...]
Several weeks ago, I went to get a massage. It was one of those student places, where they charge the equivalent of takeout Chow Fun to pound on the knots plaguing my shoulders. You don’t get to choose what type of massage you have, so it’s a grab bag of therapeutic fun. This time, I [...]
Whenever I think about the afterlife – usually when someone cuts me off on the freeway and I have to slam on my brakes – I generally think of it as a big party with all your favorite people. Kind of like a wedding, as it turns out. It’s rare to get people from all [...]
Am I the only one who thinks it’s unbearably hot when someone uses a semicolon correctly? Maybe this predilection is because I don’t trust myself to put those charming sentence separators in their proper place, so if I see one that looks right, I have to stop and fan myself weakly. Like when you watch [...]
My tiny apartment didn’t understand the meaning of cramped until we tried to stuff in two people, rather than just one person and lots of neuroses. (Hey, neuroses take up space.) I invited Jenni to stay with me for BlogHer back when I was living in a house boasting guest quarters – complete with private [...]
I’m going to BlogHer! But I, uh, won’t be at any of the panels. Or any of the cocktail parties. Because, as a card-carrying member of the Intense Procrastinators club, I didn’t sign up in time. So it sold out. Which honestly never occurred to me. Perhaps it should have, but perhaps it also should [...]
I’m not terribly demure about birthdays. I send out reminders two months prior and badger people with demands. Demands like a bullhorn and a tall building, so I can climb to the top and bellow: “TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. I REQUIRE A TIARA.” When the tiara arrives, I hand it back with a curt shake [...]
We knew Julia was planning a bouquet of vegetables for the wedding, we just didn’t know which vegetables she had in mind. Thrilled though I was when the legislation came through in time to turn the ceremony into a legally binding type arrangement, the real excitement was the farmer’s market bouquet. Speculation was rampant for [...]
(Note: The second half is far more cheerful. Feel free to skip down to the booze-y bits, if you like.) Grief is a tricky thing. You’ll be merrily trucking along with a few blips on the pain radar, but nothing that infringes on your smug feeling of Handling Things Well and Being Brave and Moving [...]
I’ve been hankering to go camping. Which is somewhat odd, as I’m not much of a camper. I don’t make a habit of tromping into the wilderness at the first sign of thaw, headlamp strapped to my forehead and little orange poop shovel at the ready. But I am rereading A Walk in the Woods [...]
