All This To Say, I Haven’t Done Anything Social Since Monday (Insert Squawking Chickens Here)
Posted by Moose on June 18th, 2008. Filed under: Meat Suit.When I was a kid, I thought true success meant rising to the top of your field, raking in wads of cash, and vacationing on a tropical island named after you. (Or your dog, if you’re the modest type.) Now, I realize that success really means eating broccoli, exercising regularly, and being able to find your PG&E bill when needed.
Which sounds like considerably less fun than owning a tropical island, but here’s the thing – EATING BROCCOLI WILL PROBABLY MAKE YOU HAPPIER IN THE LONG RUN. I know. My brain rejects this notion too.
I’ve always had some trouble staying balanced. The problem with eating well is you can’t just eat a spinach salad and be done with it. You have to KEEP eating spinach salad. You can’t do five half-hearted situps and declare yourself done for the month. (Believe me, I’ve tried.) You have to do all these things regularly. AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Earn enough money to live, eat your whole grains, move your twitchy limbs, keep your stuff organized so you can find your keys when you leave the house, volunteer your time to worthy causes, do the projects that keep you interested in life, nurture your relationships, and maybe dust under the sofa once in awhile.
Are you tired yet? I am. It’s official: Being human is exhausting. And the kicker is, if I did all these things on a regular basis, I wouldn’t BE so exhausted. Because I’d be full of all that spry energy promised by wheat sprouts. And the self-satisfied smugness that comes with treating yourself well.
To my point: I’m trying to get my life in balance. And keep it that way – which seems to be the tricky part. Do plenty of work, have some fun, treat my physical carapace well so it doesn’t up and die on me when I’m 37. Be a better friend, daughter, etc. Volunteer with some cute dogs. (I will only care for the cute ones, you understand. The matted, scrawny mutts are on their own.) (I’m kidding.) (You probably realized that.) (But I feel the need to explain myself.) It’s a somewhat daunting process to drag oneself out from the macaroni and cheese encrusted hermitage, but I’m sure I can do it. I know how much happier I feel when I’m healthy and organized and busy – and that makes it all worthwhile.
But I’m still not so sure about the regular sit-ups.
[Edit: I amuse myself. Seriously. This was supposed to be a positive "I can do it!" "And so can you!" "Eat broccoli! It's good for you!" kind of post. And then I started thinking and I wore myself out. And everyone else, it seems. Is this not funny? I find this funny. I also just guzzled an enormous mocha. Which tends to make things more entertaining. Anyway, I see this post as evidence that you shouldn't think about something until you keel over from the stress, you should just do it. By "you" I of course mean "me". There is value in doing something concrete rather than fretting. I guess this means I have to stop writing and go eat some broccoli.]
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June 18th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
One of the most depressing moments in my recent memory was when my friend bemoaned the fact that life is just a CONSTANT cycle of deterioration: as soon as you go to the grocery store, you start eating your groceries and then have to buy more again. As soon as you send that long overdue email, the person writes back and you have to reply AGAIN. As soon as you go to the gym and feel good afterwards, you have to go back again the next day to get that same feeling back. As soon as you tidy your house, it gets messy again and you have to start the whole bloody Swiffering process anew. I tell you, it was SO bleak the way she said it. And you’re right: life requires constant maintenance to be lived well, and it’s so exhausting to think about it. So, uh, let’s not think about it.
Besides, sit-ups are overrated. You walk everywhere, don’t you? There, you’re done with the exercise portion of your life. Tick that box! Bring on the mac and cheese!
June 18th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
I bow before your expert use of parentheses.
June 18th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Holly: Seriously. The thing is, I always get all excited about being healthier and doing my Fancy Pants projects (where organizing my file folders = Fancy Pants), but then I look at everything that must be done and I need to sit down and drink some wine. But it can be done! And then we can wallow in the smugness of Being Awesome. Yes.
Bethany Actually: I ADORE parentheses. To distraction.
June 18th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
This post exhausted me to the point where I must inhale mac and cheese to resuscitate myself.
June 18th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Hey! I’m on this kick too! Trying to be a much better human. And I’m doing it too, only I think I’ve become a snore.
The other day I was bouncing up and down, begging my friend to hang out with me. Why? I can’t be around ME. I’m wayyy too boring!
Being good is a snooze. But my skin probably looks better.
Why do all the interesting things involve detrimental-to-your-health indulgences.
June 18th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Hahaha*snort*haha…hahaha…ha. I proclaim this funny, in case you are still wondering. And somebody needs to start an overthinkers club. I’ll bring the fruit punch. Or maybe doughnuts. Or grilled cheese sandwiches…
June 18th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
What’s with women’s lure to broccoli? I’m sure of it, my wife’s only dish she knows how to prepare is: sated broccoli with garlic and peppers. No matter what I ask what she wants for dinner, her suggestion remains the same.
“Are you tired yet? I am. It’s official: Being human is exhausting.” I’ve come to the same conclusion, luckily though, I only realized this at mid-life. You’re too young to believe or come to this realization. Have a Twinkie and blow-off the sit-ups.
June 18th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Sated broccoli. Is there such a thing? And if it were sated, how could it be broccoli? No one really likes broccoli. They just say they do (hell, what do I mean they? I say I do) because it’s good for you and looks like little trees and it’s fun to eat the trees. But it tastes, well, eh. Anyway, just wanted to say I know what you mean. sometimes I get so overwhelmed by all the have-to’s I can only just sit and stare.
Brushing teeth, grocery shopping, dish doing, getting dressed, being nice, working, driving, trying to better oneself, it’s freaking exhausting. And it NEVER ENDS. But generally I find that if I don’t think about that part and just try to get through the day doing the things that make me feel good about myself I can go to bed satisfied, sleep like the dead, and wake up and do it all over again the next day.
June 18th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
You know what you gotta do? Put some CHEESE on that broccoli. Yeah baby, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout. And then eat some crunchy nanas! (Cheese optional, but let me know if you try it. Wait, don’t try it until I can get a photo.)
You know what you don’t gotta do? Worry about being a better friend. You are great! So stick a fork in that one because it’s done.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Yeah, I think we’re all on this sudden healthy, get-our-lives-in-order kick. Which rocks, because we can all be accountability pals!
I’m even thinking of going vegetarian for health purposes. Or maybe pescetarian, which is probably better for my overall health. The only problem? I don’t like fish. Hmm. Broccoli, though, rocks.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Hehe, I loved reading this post. I realized that I wasn’t in balance when I couldn’t move my neck from lack of stretching and couldn’t speak more than one coherent sentence in Chinese (my college major). BTW, you could always add lima beans to your mac and cheese (and get the whole-wheat version). That might make you feel healthier about it
.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Moose, you SLAY me, as usual.
This post makes me remember why I was so frustrated with mathematics while growing up: once you mastered one skill set, you had to use it to learn the next. You could never just be done with it, once and for all, sheesh!
Right-hemisphere-of-the-brain People, UNITE!
June 19th, 2008 at 11:32 am
i think i’d rather exhaust myself eating cupcakes then broccoli…
June 19th, 2008 at 11:43 am
I hear ya sista! Balance is not exactly my strong suit either…but I’m workng on it.) Here’s to more broccoli!
June 19th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I had a mini-epiphany this week that the time when I was in the best shape of my life? Like, I could probably win a dead 200 meter sprint and then hike for twenty miles shape? I wasn’t thinking about how I needed to do anything. I just did it. I did sit-ups daily. I ran because my coach told me to. I ran faster because my coach yelled at me to move my legs FASTER, FASTER. There was so much less cognizant thinking and analyzing and so much more doing.
I don’t know what this mini-epiphany means just yet, beyond the fact that I think I need to hire someone to yell at me to get my ass moving on a daily basis.
June 19th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
“And then I started thinking and I wore myself out.” – awesome and so very, very true.
I find myself having a variant of this conversation with myself at least seasonally.
This time (THIS TIME, BAH!) I am trying to focus on the little steps. I try to remind myself I won’t be “healthy” or “organized” overnight, but if I do X and Z today, I am that much closer. It seems to be working. Or, at least, I haven’t quit trying just yet.
SO FAR.
Best of luck! You deserve it.
June 20th, 2008 at 7:39 am
Oh, thanks. This has already been keeping me up at night, and then you had to go and write about it. Which means it’s NOT JUST ME. LIFE REALLY IS LIKE THIS.
I guess I’ll just continue with my Tae-Bo and “fulfilling work” nonsense, then. Gah.
June 20th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
This is SO TRUE. I have a list-making compulsion, which would be efficient if my lists didn’t consist of: feed the cat, pay electric bill, stop global warming… It’s much more gratifying for me to make a list than to actually do the things on it. This is a horrible, horrible cycle.
June 21st, 2008 at 9:52 am
How COULD you be a better daughter?!?! (Except, maybe, of course, by taking me to Italy….) (Notice my use of parentheses.)
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:40 am
Moose – your mom is officially awesome! And also a good teacher of how to sue parentheses!
I am trying to be better and in some ways I have found moderate success (more vegetables, less carbs) but the lure of red wine sings its siren song and I go off the rails again. Then there is the black hole of exercise – I hate it, I’m lazy and it makes me hurt (because I am lazy, it makes me hurt-you can see the vicious cycle). But after reading this post – I will shore up my resources and try again. Look out broccoli – here I come! Thanks for the inspiration!
PS – it would be bad if the first night I ate broccoli it was covered in melted cheese right?
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:41 am
Crap – also need to remember to proofread because I just said sue parentheses (and why would you – you love them) when I meant to say use.
Pardon my lack of proof reading!
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I’ll take the island, thanks.