How to Determine What You’re Worth (Sheepish Edition)
Posted by Moose on April 22nd, 2008. Filed under: How To.Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I’ve decided to leverage my break-up into a new apartment and a new job. I’m all about life renovation over here. I might even start eating broccoli.
With job interviews come probing questions. Like “Are you in the habit of roasting your coworkers with olive oil and fresh rosemary if they finish all the onion bagels?” “You don’t LOOK insane, but we’d like your social security number so we can check for ourselves.” And my favorite question of all, “How much do you think you’re worth?”
Blink. Blink. How much am I worth? According to the answer I gave a few days ago, I’m worth about as much as a swingline stapler. On sale.
This, apparently, is my salary calculator: Take what you think of as poverty, divide it in half, add three dollars and a handful of peanuts. Be sure to note that you can go lower if necessary.
When the urge to bang my head soundly against the nearest concrete wall became overwhelming, I reminded myself that I spent most of my 20s at a nonprofit, and we were all paid about half the market rate. “We got pay cuts instead of raises,” I muttered. “How was I supposed to know?” The comforting balm of this excuse halted abruptly during dinner with a nonprofit compadre when I mentioned the (possibly rounded up) number and even she looked horrified.
Next time I’m asked the dreaded question, I’ve decided to tap the pads of my fingers together and croon, “One MILLION dollars.” Then I’ll turn my head to the side and whisper, “What’s that? Inflation, you say?” I’ll turn back to the interviewer and say, “One BILLION dollars.”
(Bonus: If I don’t get the job, I can blame it on my abominable Mike Meyers impression.)
(Does anyone have a hairless cat I can borrow?)
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April 22nd, 2008 at 4:46 pm
“It’s frickin’ freezin’, Mr. Bigglesworth.”
It’s a cold, cruel world out there. Get as much as you can!
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:57 pm
I hate when employers ask that! In the past, I’ve been evasive and side-stepped the question and not given a number until THEY make ME an offer, which I counter, etc. But that cool cat must have been some OTHER jeci, b/c with my most recent contract I blabbed out some cheap fee based on the notion that it was for a non-profit and, like you said, they never really seem to have money. And my fee also made everyone cringe and shriek, even fellow non-profitters. I dunno if it helps to know I made the same damn mistake, but you know what they say about misery and how it likes company that can’t afford to fly out to meet you and provide ACTUAL company.
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Ooh, that’s a tricky one. Go too low, and they won’t respect you. Too high, and they’ll think you’re out of their range.
But: too high is preferable. They’ve got countless ways to inch the numbers down, but it’s virtually impossible to go up. Set that bar high, Mistress Evil!
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
That one is even trickier when you’re a) living in a very poor, small town, b) having gotten most of your real work and salary experience in San Francisco, c) and a semi-freelancer. It’s like… when I apply for an in-town, in-person job my instinct is to giggle and say, “Oh, I’m fine with minimum!” Which is horrible and wrong. Then, when I’m applying for freelance nonsense, my instinct is to say, “Uh, gee, I dunno, what’s industry standard? I mean, I live in Portales, so it’s not like I need $10 per word or anything, ha ha!” Then, when I inevitably land a job that pays me the equivalent of a crumpled Snickers wrapper every month, I bitch and moan about how in SF I was making TWENTY-SEVEN DOLLARS PER HOUR, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS “EIGHT BUCKS AN HOUR” CRAP?
What I’m saying is, I suck. And if you ever figure out a solution to this issue, please write about it so I can copy you.
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Yes, this is the worst part of the job hunting world. I hate it with a fiery passion.
And freelance sucks it too, since a good bit of freelance comes via friends. Part of me wants to give them a break and the other part of me has to stand up and remind myself I can’t give away my work.
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I have two cats and an electric shaver. Just let me know when you need them.
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:52 pm
My dad (who is technically retired. He just keeps working) was recently in negotiations with his boss at the church he’s been working at part time for over a year now. When the pastor asked my dad what his number was, Daddy just said, “Oh, no. If I go first, I automatically lose. You start.”
Granted, that’s a lot easier to do when you don’t really need the job.
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:18 pm
I HATE that question. It’s the equivalent of a guy saying, So what ARE we? Do you say, We’re dating, and then he’s like, Clingy! Or do you say, Um, we’re just friends, so he can walk all over you??
What if you just said, Salary is important to me, obviously, but what I’m most interested in is a place where I can grow my career. I’m very ambitious.
Maybe someone will comment who works in HR and tell us the “right” response.
I’d also LOVE to know what you’re supposed to say for your faults. I HATE that one.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Job interviews are like dating without even the possibility of someone buying you dinner at the end.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Ahh-I have a (possible) job interview coming my way soon (hopefully–keep my fingers crossed) and I am already dreading the salary question. At least they have a posted range I can stay within, and I plan to ask for the lower-middle with a 3 month re-review…maybe?
I hate that part. I such a wimp.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I realized that every single thing I do well? Is usually done FOR FREE.
That sucks a freaking duck.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:27 am
So, this morning I said to Crunchy husband (as he was kicking his dirty undies into a corner), “I’ve decided all I want for my birthday is for you to keep your side of the room clean so that I can vacuum easier.” Not even that he DO the vacuuming for a few months. So, now we all know how much I think I’m worth!
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:51 am
i don’t play corporate bullsh*i very often but; wouldn’t that be a good place to ask how much you/ the position is worth to the company?
oh- and although i am sure they can be quite sweet, hairless cats are kind of icky and off-putting.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:31 am
That question would make me disappear with discomfort. I am 100% certain I would answer it all wrong, while stammering and blushing furiously, so I think the Austin Powers reference would actually be the better way to go.
I also hate when job listings ask you to send “salary requirements” with your query letter and resume. Like, give me something to work with here, people! I usually ignore that part, although my urge is to write something like, salary: yes please!
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:33 am
It’s all a dance…you’re supposed to side-step the question; they’re supposed to side step the question; it’s crazy–but I’m with Sara (4th comment), if you figure it out, let us know so we can copy you!
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:32 am
Job interviews are the reason why I have stayed at my current job for 8 years. I hate them – the questions and the waiting for the call to see if you are in our out. Think of the marketing opportunities you have Moose – you could make money off providing us all with the answers to those pesky job interview questions.
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:48 am
I HATE being asked what I’m worth. Shoot too high? You’re out. Shoot too low? Cry yourself to sleep.
I think your plan to impersonate Mike Myers is the best course of action.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Hi Kid,
After trying the following phrase in Google “Standard salary rates writer”, I came up with a couple of sites of interest:
http://vault.salary.com/salarywizard/layoutscripts/swzl_titleselect.asp?narrowdesc=Media+–+Print&narrowcode=CM01&zipcode=&metrocode=156&x=27&y=13
(This one was interesting in that it gave ranges for a bunch of different writing jobs.
http://www.hwg.org/resources/faqs/ratesFAQ.html#6
(This one brings up some interesting issues about pricing)
Sorry to be so god-awful logical about this stuff, but the above might be of interest.
As always, Enjoy
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
OOh what awful questions! I lucked out at my current job. They didn’t ask me what I was worth, they just said “We want to pay you XYZ” and I said yes b/c it was 2X what I made at my last job! I would’ve NEVER asked for that amount.
Let’s hope similar good things happen for you
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:52 pm
I despise that question. Hate that question. Am offended that it’s ever existed in the history of jobs or interviews or… history. Yeah. It’s like playing a stupid game where they don’t tell you the rules.
When I look at those online salary lists, I fit in like 10 different categories and the salary ranges cover an insane amount of the spectrum.
So anyway – good luck on the job hunting and here’s hoping you find one you love that pays you buckets of money!
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Try to put the ball back in their court:
“More than you’re willing to pay. What do you think is fair?”
April 24th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Don’t you just hate that? You know they know EXACTLY what they’re willing to pay, and they only want you to answer first so they can see just how little they can get away with paying you. Which means you have to say something way higher than you actually expect, knowing they’re going to talk you down anyway. But maybe a million is a smidge too high. Just a hunch.
April 24th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Interview questions are seriously 90% ridiculous. You are always worth more than they are going to initially offer. That being said, I have never been asked “What do you think you’re worth?” Had I ever been, I think I would have said “A condo in the Hamptons and a Shetland pony.”
(Good luck! I’m sure you’ll find something awesome.)
April 28th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
I can shave Beulah and you can carry her around in the crook of your arm. “One billion dollars,” will look much scarier with a naked wombat glaring at you.
April 28th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Jesus. See, this is why I’ve been putting off looking for a new job for, oh, a year.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
And, Moose–don’t forget to wear your “flashing skirt” on future interviews because I’m pretty sure that involuntary nudity equals major job opportunities. It is San Francisco after all.