Bargain Basement Tourettes
Posted by Moose on March 7th, 2008. Filed under: Family.Bargain hunting is in my genes. (And in my jeans. Ba dum bum! I am so sorry.)
When my mother was young, all her clothes were bought on sale. Full-price socks were the work of the devil, and that devil must be thwarted. If I remember correctly, she took her first paycheck and bought a dress that had never seen the business end of a discount price tag. She may have even paid a little extra – just on principle. I’m sure it was a glorious moment, with ticker tape falling lightly from the sky and fat cherubs cavorting merrily in an orgy of consumerism. But I don’t think the experience stuck. Or maybe early enculturation is just too hard to shake, because one of my earliest memories is of my mom telling a neighbor, “I would never pay $30 for shoes.” I’m not sure if they were gossiping about someone who DID pay $30 for shoes (the wanton hussy), or if it was an academic discussion with 30 as the monetary tipping point, but this conversation attached itself to my unformed mind, when so many admonitions about bed-making and not pushing my little brother into the heater floated out my ears and into the ether.
I have certainly paid more (sometimes a lot more) than $30 for shoes. But I like to think my bargain shopping skills are finely honed - even intimidating. Many of my favorite things were bought at secondhand stores or from a sale with so much red ink they practically paid me to take it home.
Thrifty Danish stock paired with a grandmother who used corrugated cardboard as shoe leather during the Depression firmly entrenched frugality in my DNA. But thanks to my disposition (see: highly susceptible to the capitalistic dictates of $4 cups of coffee and $40 face cream) and my own particular brand of information dispersal, this tendency has mutated. Into an insidious ailment that makes me to react to compliments on my shoes by shouting, “THANKS! THEY WERE ONLY $12!”
I have a brown velvet skirt that I love. It’s long, it swirls, it fits whether I just ate six blueberry muffins or dutifully crunched down a bowl of grape nuts. I found it at a vintage store on Haight St. and it cost less than a large pizza. (All right, two large pizzas.) Whenever someone compliments me on it, I fold my hands modestly in front of my stomach and whisper, “It was such a deal.” Therein lies the end of my restraint, so I start flapping my hands and yell, “SO CHEAP! IT WAS SOOOO CHEEAP!”
In addition to sounding like an oversize (and mentally deficient) canary, another symptom of this nonfatal but highly annoying disease causes the questioner to ease carefully away from me, in hopes of finding someone who doesn’t feel the need to shriek that her breast implants? “WERE SUCH A BARGAIN IN THAILAND!”
March 7th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Firstly, I am a wanton hussy.
Secondly, I have facial Tourettes when I find something on sale. It’s called the Clearance Face. You look at the person you’re shopping with, open your eyes wide (and look over your glasses if you’re wearing them), purse your lips while simultaneously pulling your mouth-muscles downward. It ends up looking a bit prudent, self-satisfied, surprised and ignorant all at the same time. It’s magical.
March 7th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Ah, that was a gene your mom inherited. Your aunt didn’t. Selective genetics. You, however, once took $100 and amazed your aunt with the vast number of different outfits you put together.
March 7th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
ANOTHER REASON TO LOVE YOU!
I do the EXACT same thing! I am frugal by nature and then married a Dutch man (Ever heard the term “going Dutch?” It’s for a REASON. Not that he did not pay for our dates, but in that THE DUTCH ARE CHEAP).
Ahem.
I have that same habit of shouting out the price when people compliment me on an item. What would happen if I started shopping at Holt Renfrew?
“Thanks! It cost TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS!”
It won’t happen. (Including the budget (or mental ability) to shop at Holt Renfrew.)
March 8th, 2008 at 1:16 am
I do the exact same thing – although to me it’s really just a chatty reply, I sometimes do wonder if it came off a little braggy.
March 8th, 2008 at 7:49 am
I do that, and I can’t seem to stop. I love that last line about the implants in Thailand. . . too funny.
March 8th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Implants are totally cheaper in Thailand, especially if you have a coupon!
March 8th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Over-Thinker: I know that look. My eyes expand and I push my glasses more firmly into my nose (the better to see you with, my dear.) And sale rack pouncing commences.
Angella: I would love to own something that, when someone complimented me on it, I could stroke my chin and say “one MEELLION dollars” a la Dr. Evil.
Tracy: I’ve been doing it for years and always just thought it was conversation. But I’ve started wondering lately. I really do hope it’s just conversation, and not obnoxious. BECAUSE I DON’T THINK I CAN STOP.
Kirida: I am totally the type to print coupons off the computer and drag them into stores with me. Perhaps I’ll start looking for some good Thai deals.
March 8th, 2008 at 10:26 am
I do EXACTLY the same thing. Except I can’t stop at the price, oh no no no. I have to shout out the name of the store where I FOUND the marvelous deal as well, and it’s always TJ Maxx or Marshalls or somewhere else that’s … uh … not exactly Saks Fifth Avenue. So in return for “I like your shoes,” the recipient gets not “THANKS! TEN BUCKS!” but “THANKS! TEN BUCKS AT TJ MAXX! MARKED DOWN TWICE FROM SEVENTY FIVE! AM I THE BEST BARGAIN SHOPPER EVER OR WHAT?”
I plan to answer every compliment from this day forth with a hushed “Thanks.” And then maybe I’ll add discreetly “Just from Barney’s.”
March 8th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Once I was shopping at a Barney’s basement sale (ILL ADVISED) and I found a pair of GORGEOUS Louboutins. Oh yes I did. And I was just trying them on and sort of clomping around, realizing they were about a size too big when a woman said, “Are you going to get those? If not, I want them.”
In that moment I knew I WAS GOING TO BUY THEM.
The only thing that makes bargain shopping more fun is getting a bargain that someone almost jumped you in a back alley for.
They’re still too big, but at least they’re mine! ha!
March 8th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
I fully relate. I like to think of myself as a discount shopping maven as well and I always blab on about how cheap something was. Someone will say, “I like your dress.” And then I yell, “I got it at the thrift store! The THRIFT STORE! For two bucks. It had a little poo stain on it but it washed right out.” *insert awkward silence here*
Yeah.
March 8th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
You got your boobs in Thailand, too???
And isn’t it great how you always need to point out that you got something on sale – like even if it was an Anthropolgie dress marked down from $350 to $218, you still feel compelled to say, “OMG, it was SUCH a steal!” As if anything over $30 is ever really a bargain. Unless it’s like vintage Chanel, in which case, sure, brag away.
Hi from Brazil!
March 8th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
NBB: I think we need to keep proclaiming our shopping genius as loudly as possible. NO FALSE MODESTY.
Good Girl Lit: You have a pair of Louboutins? ON SALE? I concede my Bargain Queen title.
Amanda: I’m always showing off ripped seams that I’ve cleverly re-attached with duct tape and safety pins. Never had any good stains though.
C & C: My boobs were such a bargain because they’re so small. (Ba dum bum!)
March 8th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
I am the SAME WAY. When someone compliments something I’m wearing, it’s really hard not to say, “I GOT IT AT TARGET. IT WAS TWO DOLLARS. TWO DOLLARS OMG!”
My mother would have a fit if she knew I spent $30 on a pair of shoes just Friday
March 10th, 2008 at 9:00 am
I once did the exact same thing during an interview. One of the interviewers said she liked my suit and my response was (to my horror afterward), “Thanks! I got it at JcPenny!” I spent the whole plane ride home whispering to myself, “I got it at JcPenny?”
March 10th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I call it “compulsive disclosure syndrome.” My favorite pair of shoes–the ones that every compliments me on–were $3. Three dollars! At Mervyns! Eight years ago!
And the pants I’m wearing right now? $11! At Ross!
I always figured I would be less ashamed of my bargain hunting if I were shopping at non-crappy stores, but now that I see so many well-dressed ladies do the exact same thing, I’m not afraid anymore.
March 12th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I am that proud, gay man who will shamelessly reveal that his brightly colored sneakers were found in the women’s section, on clearance, for an unbelievable bargain!
“I like your Tweety-Bird-yellow Ralph Lauren Polo sneakers.”
“THANKS! ONLY TEN DOLLARS AT T.J. MAXX, IN THE WOMEN’S SECTION!”