Why was I homeless, you ask? Well, pull up a chair and I’ll tell you. Like the ancient mariner, it’s a tale of woe and shipwrecked adventure. Only with less shipwreck, less adventure, and an albatross-size portion of woe. I’ve been homeless for the past week because my five year relationship ended rather abruptly last [...]
I have an obsessive nature. If I like a TV show, I watch it religiously. I think about it when I should be pondering other things, like the state of the economy or maybe Sartre’s correspondence. I’ll look a show up on the internet and memorize trivia, trivia that eventually takes place of my zip [...]
I spent the weekend feeling consumptive. It might have been scarlet fever. Or maybe the bubonic plague. Or maybe I just veer toward the dramatic because “quarantined without so much as a ladies’ maid” sounds much better than “tired and spent half the weekend snoring.” Which I did. It was lovely. I’ve been fighting a [...]
Have you ever felt so betrayed by an item of clothing that you whisper menacingly to it as you walk down the street? “When we get home I’m going to find blunt scissors and cut you into little pieces. Slowly. Then you will begin your new life as the business end of a toilet brush.” This [...]
(Part 1 is here.) I make Rice-a-roni at 2 a.m. on a freezing February night. Our dorm’s poor ventilation becomes clogged with smoke that may or may not have poured from my pan. The fire alarm goes off and everyone troops out into the cold, grumbling. The firemen come. I grumble along with everyone else and hope [...]
There’s something warm and comforting about CubeVille – walking in at 9 in the morning, booting up my computer, getting a cup of tea, and logging onto my bank account, fat and satisfied after Friday’s paycheck. Yes. But like any small hamlet, CubeVille has its quirks. I feel bad eating crunchy vegetables. In case my wholesome snack of red [...]
Bargain hunting is in my genes. (And in my jeans. Ba dum bum! I am so sorry.) When my mother was young, all her clothes were bought on sale. Full-price socks were the work of the devil, and that devil must be thwarted. If I remember correctly, she took her first paycheck and bought a [...]
Know what happens when you chop up a red chili pepper and scratch your face? You race to the refrigerator, grab a container of yogurt, wrench it open, and stick your nose in it. Because of the BURNING. OH, THE BURNING. But only after you’ve stuck your nose in 1) a glass of milk, 2) [...]
There are only so many things a person can do well. Prior, of course, to being bitten by a charismatic member of the undead, becoming undead yourself, and having all sorts of new free time with which to excel at Irish clogging, tapestry weaving, and French horn playing. I’ve inspected many a back alley, but [...]
