If you accurately deduced that the best use for a stack of leftover pasta sheets is to sculpt pasta fowl and many cunning pasta hats for the pasta fowl, you are very smart indeed and I applaud you. You may also have deduced that I have a delicate system and should not be allowed within [...]
What can you do with a stack of mini pasta sheets? More accurately, what can you do with a stack of mini pasta sheets at a party after consuming a gingerale, a pepsi, and half a beer? 1. Make a pasta duck. 2. Make lots of pasta hats for your pasta duck. 3. Have that pasta duck give [...]
Shrieking like an over-caffeinated hyena at midnight, eight hours before finals start. The entire campus troops out of the library onto the lawn or opens the nearest window to release a semester’s worth of frustration. The night echoes with howls. ~ Watching an episode of Ellen, the one with the first woman-woman kiss in television [...]
We get back to my car, and I realize I don’t need the key to open the door. “So, my car’s been open all night.” “I hope nobody stole your tape deck.” Do you ever have moments when you truly believe everything you own is crap? The above conversation wasn’t even the crystallizing moment. That [...]
I sat in a small room. French doors opened onto the yard and a wall full of clocks ticked softly – frogs and flowers and cats with swinging pendulum tails and rolling eyes. Guests circled around but never entered, so it was peaceful – if you don’t mind gimlet glares from plastic animals. But the [...]
Prince Gomolvilas and I were both associate editors at the same small theater magazine. When I arrived, several years after he left, people were still drifting aimlessly, lost in a cruel world where Prince was no longer available to do impressions of J. Edgar Hoover tap dancing. Tears were shed. Green tea no longer had [...]
One of my New Year’s resolutions is to remember how the door knob works. As in, leave the house once in awhile. When you combine vague narcolepsy (I have fallen asleep in bars and standing up at concerts) with a compass that always points toward L (for lost), you get a girl who likes to [...]
Have you ever taken a stroll on the beach, only to have it turn into an unwitting eight mile hike? Complete with gaping ravines, marshy swamps, waist-high brambles, and contemplations of cannibalism? No? THEN YOU HAVE NEVER HIKED WITH ME. We drove out to Point Reyes on Saturday to walk on the beach and let [...]
Venice is disintegrating. Riding a vaparetto down the main canal in May, we saw whole sidewalks underwater, waves lapping at the checkered black and white marble of a building’s bottom floor. Graves are interrupted by trees growing through them, sometimes forcing the stone top of the coffin aside. Churches are splitting apart, the paintings within [...]
Question for the women (men, please feel free to hide behind a beer): is there a day in the hormonal cycle labeled PANIC? If so, consider that day on the calendar marked. I spent the entire weekend in a state of mid-level terror. I’m not about to give birth, I don’t have a large work [...]
