The Dog Wants a Job

Posted by Moose on January 8th, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized.

Meeka Dog
That House on that Corner
15 Minutes from the Beach

Objective: Squirrel Domination & Kitty Eating

Experience:

Being humped by horny poodle: Fostered customer satisfaction by allowing horny poodle humpage, but retained dignity by sitting down on very desirable hind quarters when occasion warranted.

Tree climbing: Adept at climbing both perpendicular and vertical trees in pursuit of renegade squirrels and/or tasty kitties. Three separate documented instances, one in which I fell backward onto concrete pavement but sustained no injury.

Chest standing: Capable of balancing on hind legs and placing front paws on human shoulders, usually reserved for instances of vigorous belly rubbing.

Treat begging: Highly skilled at convincing complete strangers to part with their snacks, including dog biscuits and sausage.

Special Interests: Utterly ignoring human orders; vomiting on floor; posing like a Playboy bunny when needing tummy rubs; licking anything within reach including chins, jeans, tree trunks, and plaster statuary.

References: Horny Poodle, Guy Who Beats Me with Socks, Girl Who Lets Me Sleep on the Bed When Guy’s Not Home

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7 Responses to The Dog Wants a Job

  1. Angella
    January 8th, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    I love your dog. And I am not a huge dog fan.

    :)

  2. Peter Varvel
    January 8th, 2008 at 9:04 pm

    Hi, Meeka,
    Thank you for submitting your resume.
    We are impressed with your list of credits and experience, and we feel you’d make a great addition to our cat-chasing-and-tormenting team.
    While the squirrels here are normally out of reach, in the trees, on the backyard walls, and even on the old telephone wires, we do have a bratty four month old kitten who still needs to learn better respect for canines.
    We’d like to make an appointment for you to come in and meet our co-supervisors, Those Guys That Are Usually Gone All Day. (They are both gullible pushovers who usually let us have our way, eventually).
    You are welcome to come visit any time, here in the greater Los Angeles area, either for a play date, or for an extended stay for when your humans feel they must put you in a kennel during vacation season.
    We have a comfortable day room, easy access to the roomy backyard, lots of toys to chew, and numerous treats which are varied and consistent. You are even welcome to sleep in the people bed, at night, if you don’t mind snuggling with four more.

    Moxie and Prudence, Reigning Pug Monarchs

  3. kerrianne
    January 8th, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    We thought Iggy was becoming interested in The Humping Of Inanimate Things, but then we realized it was just gas. Or him chewing inanimate things. Like Chris’ speaker cables. Phew.

  4. All Adither
    January 8th, 2008 at 10:48 pm

    I might have an opening up here in Seattle. Hee.

  5. She Likes Purple
    January 9th, 2008 at 1:14 pm

    I have a dog that needs to be taught a thing or two about squirrel domination. Let’s set up an interview. I think this may work out.

  6. norabarnacle
    January 10th, 2008 at 8:56 am

    Is it the dog that really wants the job? Or, is it the owner that wants to rip off the dog’s well-earned cash to fund her own treats? Oh my god, you’re a dog pimp.

  7. Sunny
    January 10th, 2008 at 6:57 pm

    I mentioned this want ad to a few furry friends of mine, but since I only know cats, I doubt you want the openings they suggested. Especially the ones that were not physically possible. (I don’t think, anyway.) Those kittens have dreadfully bloodthirsty minds – but on the bright side, they do have quite cheap rates if she wants anything done about a certain poodle.

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