Everyone who’s seen Cloverfield has a list of questions shorter than your average dictionary, but longer than the Bill of Rights. I do too. These are by no means ALL my questions, they’re merely the most pressing. The ones that burst out of my mouth in the post-movie recap and on the street afterward when we [...]
[This post was written earlier today, during my two allotted breaks of ten minutes each. I tell you this in case your work ethic is offended. For the record, I too have a work ethic. For approximately the first three days of any new job. On the fourth it disintegrates and it's every internet connection [...]
My grasp of words has been [_____] today. I keep pausing mid-sentence, snapping my fingers while my mouth silently opens and closes like a [_____] sturgeon, trying to remember what combination of letters express an idea like “fork”. It’s disconcerting, especially when I find myself in the company of people who expect conversation more [_____] [...]
The Italians do many things better than Americans – dangerous vehicles, skinny shoes, mozzarella. But it’s their singular devotion to awesome building adornment that makes this small, boot-shape country great. Romans, Shomans. Take me to the door knockers. Observe: Fierce mustache that makes me wish I could grow facial hair. Scare the hell out of [...]
Backing out of the snow-encrusted driveway last weekend, there was a soul-sickening crunch. Which, by definition, is a much better crunch than the one your legs might make when connecting with the dashboard. Not to imply that I like my legs better than I like my soul, but my soul is a lot less breakable [...]
PMS this month seems to include a keen desire to have people dote on me and bring me warm chocolate chip cookies. Naturally, the one day you want people to wax philosophical about your brilliant talent and your charming demeanor – you might be feeling a little needy, after all – is the day you [...]
An object in motion stays in motion. An object on the couch stays on the couch. I never was any good at physics. I was born with the habits of a stern governess, one who would not have been out of place in pre-WWII Germany, whipping recalcitrant charges as her mustache ruffled in the breeze. [...]
We’re up in Tahoe. Most people are skiing. I am sleeping, drinking hot chocolate, and trying not to get woefully lost when I walk the dog. A few years ago, my roommates and I would occasionally join a friend at his parent’s cabin. There was much carousing and cookie baking (the two are not as [...]
I wouldn’t be surprised if somewhere on my ancestral tree there was a family of smug crocodiles who, between delicately chewing up small dogs and discussing the works of Edgar Allen Poe, laugh delightedly amongst themselves at the legions of humans made scaly by their crocodile genes. Suffice it to say, my skin is really [...]
Meeka Dog That House on that Corner 15 Minutes from the Beach Objective: Squirrel Domination & Kitty Eating Experience: Being humped by horny poodle: Fostered customer satisfaction by allowing horny poodle humpage, but retained dignity by sitting down on very desirable hind quarters when occasion warranted. Tree climbing: Adept at climbing both perpendicular and vertical [...]
