Tomorrow: The True Hollywood Story of a Girl with a Broken Vagina and a Baseball Bat
Posted by Moose on November 9th, 2007. Filed under: Meat Suit.I find myself paralyzed. Why did I crack open the Can’t Have Sex file? Wasn’t breaking my favorite coffee mug into foot-biting shards on the kitchen floor this morning enough cracking for one week? NO. I MUST STICK MY NOSE INTO COMPLICATED PLACES. PLACES LIKE VAGINAS. Oh, I’m just making it worse, aren’t I? Once, after meeting some lovely folk through the ol’ blog, I learned that they thought I was gay. It’s paragraphs like this that confuse people.
Before I tell you my story, I will mutilate the ending and any sense of urgency or suspense you might have otherwise enjoyed by telling you that I am cured. I don’t want to be the jackass who proclaims herself Bringer of Hope to the Broken Vaginas of the World (or at least the ones who read this web site), but I do want to say THERE IS HOPE. AND IT DOESN’T REQUIRE YOU TO USE THE WORD “BRINGER.” (Because nobody should use that word. Ever.) It took several years, bitter arguments, lots of sobbing, massage in really strange places, a healthy dose of luck, and an influx of cash from my long-suffering mother, but I am cured. Thanks to these fine folks. It’s the first place I send anyone who asks me about this. They’re widely considered the best in the country. Within an hour of walking in, I was diagnosed and given a treatment plan. The proposed time span of the treatment was a year, which made my boyfriend go sheet white, but it was a start. And a very welcome one, after the parade of doctors who waltzed in and out with a cheery “Use more lube!” or “Don’t worry. It will go away on its own!” I started taking a baseball bat to appointments, to bludgeon anyone with a perky voice and condescending suggestion.
Dr. Weiss & co (henceforth to be known as Saviors of my Sex Life) call it a “life-altering problem.” I sometimes succumb to melodrama, but this is not one of those times. It IS a life-altering problem and my heart goes out to everyone who’s dealing with it.
To the folks who emailed me, I will try to get back to you today or tomorrow. But I wanted to throw up that link first, because it’s the best advice I can give anyone. Call them. If you’re not in the Bay Area and can’t get here, ask if they have recommendations for your area or other resources. Work as hard as you can to make your HMO pay for it. Make a fuss. Throw things if you have to. If you can’t get your HMO to pay for someone who knows what the hell they’re doing, take it into your own hands.
With a baseball bat, if necessary.
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November 9th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptI remember meeting some lovely folk through the ol’ blog and later learning that they thought I was gay. It’s paragraphs like this that confuse people. Before I tell you my story, I will mutilate the ending and any sense of urgency or … [...]
November 9th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
I am soooo relieved to know it turned out OK, but I still can’t wait to hear more!
November 9th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Thank you, thank you! I’m the girl who makes her friends tell her the end of the movie before she’ll watch it, who reads the last page of a book first, now I can stop trying to figure out what this is on Web MD and what could possibly happen and just let you tell your tale.
Can you really take a baseball bat with you? Cause there are some doctors that need a beaning, so if you clocked some and are still roaming free I will totally join that band wagon. And bring party poppers.
November 10th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Just want to say go, go, continue! Don’t look back! Once you break out the vagina, you cannot lock her back up again.
But really, it sounds like people with the same problem are already getting in touch with you for recommendations, and that alone makes it worth having told the story, yes?
November 11th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
this must have been really difficult to post and make public, but obviously it’s done a lot of good already. so good on you for being so brave. very glad to hear you got the help you needed.
November 12th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I am horrified for both of you to have had to go through this! I had a friend (also my high school English teacher) who once confided in me that he and his wife hadn’t been able to do it for almost 5 years! This didn’t make such an impression on me at the time, as I was still a virgin and was going through a 17 year dry spell of my own.
In the end (which would have been an acceptable alternative for my friend, ha ha), it was a pH imbalance that had caused his wife’s urine to crystalize in her vaginal area, so it was like having fiberglass in the hootch…
Anyway, what a crap situation – I’m glad that there’s light at the end of the tunnel (that pun was genuinely not intended).
-Simon
November 12th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
so glad you finally found some doctors to listen to you and suggest some workable treatment!!! I love when modern medicine works! Thanks for sharing your story, I’m sure you’ll help many.
November 23rd, 2007 at 7:47 am
If you are in the UK, hope can change your life and saviors can be found by contacting the good folks at http://www.relate.co.uk.
Never settle for “um, well, I don’t know, that’s just something you’re gonna have to figure out for yourself” from a trained doctor or nurse again. (Ten years of bouncing from doctor to doctor with the same hard-to-tell story is way too long, in my opinion.)