So It Begins
Posted by Moose on November 8th, 2007. Filed under: Meat Suit.I have a little story for you. I’ve been wanting to talk about it for years but, well, it’s a story. A story that may require multiple parts and, frankly, I’m a little lazy. And this is hard to talk about. I’m still not quite sure how to discuss it without violating my relationship’s number one rule: Thou Shalt Not Blog About Us on the Interweb, or how to knowledgeably and accurately portray the whole thing when I’m still not entirely sure what happened, or how to write a series about weird physical issues without grossing you all out. But I have lots of posts to write this month and a girl can only talk about soup and shoes for so long. (Not true. I could talk about shoes and soup ALL DAY EVERY DAY.)
But this is something folks should know about. So I’m throwing myself onto the pyre of the internet, for the edification of whoever’s out there. (Hi! You’re looking pretty today.) It’s a common condition, yet treatment – especially a few years ago when I was dealing with it – still resides in the dark ages, back when people thought buttercups worn in a bag around the neck cured insanity. Of all the friends and family members who know about this, many have come back to me, either the day I told them or years later, with similar personal experiences or a distraught cousin with no idea what to do. It’s alarmingly prevalent and alarmingly unknown.*
So here we go.
Imagine your significant other: boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, favorite goat, whatever. Got it? Now picture not being able to have sex. Not “not wanting to have sex”, not “separated by oceans and continents, connected only by steamy IMs” but something more like “sex feels like a dull, rusty steak knife being twisted and jabbed where no dull, rusty steak knife belongs and doctors can’t seem to diagnose it, much less treat it.” After months of uncertainty, hearing “I’m sorry, miss. This has no discernible cause and we have no earthly idea why sex feels like blunt cutlery being sawed back and forth in that rather sensitive area. Also, we have no real plan for treatment. So, um. Good luck with that” IS REALLY NOT WHAT YOU WANT.
Now imagine this going on for a year. Now two years. Not only do you have some indeterminate pain problem, one that implies you’re strangely broken, you’re also not having sex. At all. What’s your relationship looking like right about now?
.
.
.
OH. CLIFFHANGER. I’ve always wanted to do that. Thank you. You’ve just fulfilled a small dream of mine.
~~~
* If anything I mention sounds familiar to you or someone you know at any point, email me at mooseinthekitchen(at)gmail(d0t)com. Seriously. I will send you whatever information and help I can.
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November 9th, 2007 at 12:50 am
YAAAAY! VAGINA STORY! FOR THE PUBLIC GOOD!
The truth will set you free. Or make your face hot while you squirm and watch your e-mail for comments. Either way.
November 9th, 2007 at 7:05 am
Ummm… that sounds pretty freaking awful. No, worse than that. It sounds like sheer, utter hell.
Also, I have that same blogging rule, which I tend to break – the one that says “as far as the internet is concerned, I, your husband, DO NOT EXIST”.
November 9th, 2007 at 8:37 am
Part of my wants to say, “Ooo, Cliffhanger! Yay, yay!” because I always feel like that when I read one, but most of me is still going, “Ow. Ow, ow, ow. Ouch.” So I’m torn. And you get both. Yaow, if you will.
Plus, it is sad that I fully believe doctors would actually say that. Verbatim.
November 9th, 2007 at 10:17 am
I really HOPE I never experience that! But you never know…
November 9th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
I’m so glad you wrote this. Also, that your cliffhanger has three dots as if someone was literally falling off a cliff.
November 9th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
oh, unfortunately this sounds terribly familiar— without giving away the cliff hanger, my sister AND best friend both dealt. best friend just had what she calls “hoohah surgery!”
yugh. but seriously, so glad you’re discussing it, as it is so common…..
November 9th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
[...] I find myself paralyzed. Why did I crack open the Can’t Have Sex file? Wasn’t breaking my favorite coffee mug into foot-biting shards on the kitchen floor this morning enough cracking for one week? NO. I MUST STICK MY NOSE INTO COMPLICATED PLACES. PLACES LIKE VAGINAS. Oh, I’m just making it worse, aren’t I? I remember meeting some lovely folk through the ol’ blog and later learning that they thought I was gay. It’s paragraphs like this that confuse people. [...]
November 9th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
If it helps, this is not an unfamiliar story. In fact, it is far too familiar. Ugh. But, YOUR story gives me hope (so far, anyway, given cliffhanger — but I’m talking about your next post — yay for treatment options!). My doctor’s appointment is Monday, and I’m both excited (to get to the bottom of this) and nervous (that we won’t be able to, that it will hurt, that there is no solution). Gulp.
November 10th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Oh I am SO glad this story has a happy ending. And that you are brave. I’ll be eagerly awaiting future installments.
November 10th, 2007 at 11:05 am
Hi, folks! All replies going offline for this one. Just because I’m willing to splash my vagina all over the internet doesn’t mean you have to, so see you in gmail.
November 13th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
I have been reading this backwards, and now, I have finally made sense of it.
Damn Google Reader.
But you? YOU ARE FABULOUS. Vagina lovers unite.
November 17th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
I’m totally not joking about this: My friend, who’s been married for about…11 years, HAS THIS PROBLEM. Of course, she doesn’t know that I know and, erm, a bunch of other stuff, but suffice to say I’ll be sticking around to read the follow ups. Because I have a theory of what the problem is, but I want to be proven wrong. Or right. Whatever.
PS “Friend” – Really, really, honestly NOT ME.
November 23rd, 2007 at 7:57 am
Okay, I’m comment spamming, but it’s important. (In case this post is read, but not the next one…)
If you are in the UK, hope can change your life and saviors can be found by contacting the good folks at http://www.relate.co.uk.
Never settle for “um, well, I don’t know, that’s just something you’re gonna have to figure out for yourself” from a trained doctor or nurse again. (Ten years of bouncing from doctor to doctor with the same hard-to-tell story is way too long, in my opinion.)
November 27th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
[...] (This is a series. If you’re trying to read this backwards on Google Reader, you may want to start here. Story officially begins here.) [...]
January 26th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Добро пожаловать ! http://www.mooseinthekitchen.com Да уж Вот с удивлением узнал о таком рейдерстве : Киевский завод пытаются силой отобрать ! Вот что пишут в агенстве интерфакс (http://www.interfax.com.ua/rus/press-conference/5193/) ITnews – 15 янв 2009 Руководство ОАО “Квазар” объявляет об угрозе силового захвата предприятия – одного из лидеров украинской высокотехнологической промышленности. Угроза возникла после попытки преступников завладеть мажоритарным пакетом акций предприятия (47,5%), принадлежавших канадской компании “КМ Секьюр”. Регистратором акционеров компании является «ПриватБанк», который, по мнению руководства компании «Квазар», посодействовал рейдерам, и отказался восстанавливать в правах «КМ Секьюр» и других акционеров. . СТОП рейдерам !
. Украдут завод и пустят с молотка YY Вот работали люди платили налоги и … Much respect!