Scones make me happy. Scones call to mind drizzly days, Earl Grey tea, and Jane Austen novels. (Which, to some of you, might more closely resemble the bowels of a fiery hell. Jane Austen has that affect on some people. But I bet you wouldn’t turn down a nice, fresh scone piled with cream and [...]
Unless you don’t like bananas. In which case, I can’t help you. I’ve been using all my charisma to create a cult of Bill Granger, he who makes lobster sandwiches seem a perfectly reasonable lunch plan. By “all my charisma” I mean “shoving my cookbooks into the hands of any who enter my kitchen and [...]
Last night I made a voodoo doll of a San Francisco police officer. Then I made the voodoo doll stub its toe. Repeatedly. Why this passive aggressive anger toward the fine men in blue? FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK. Did you know that a combination of disorganization and clerical error can get you fingerprinted on 7th [...]
Politics and I don’t mix. Mainly because I tend to hurl glassware when I hear George Bush’s voice. I look at politics the way I looked at the boys on the other side of the gym during middle school dances – vaguely intriguing, not yet sure if they’re cootie free, but fairly certain they don’t [...]
I am highly adept at feeding myself. I can google “fried chicken, San Francisco” with the best of them. I smear cheese on crackers like a pro. But Mother Nature kicks my wallet-wielding, cracker chomping ass. We were in Oakland a few weeks ago, sipping alcohol on the back porch when a family of turkeys [...]
I don’t make a lot of money. I never have, except for a five month stint in corporate America after college where I wore an itchy suit and chewed up pillows in my free time because I hated life so much. Eventually I picked the goose feathers out of my teeth, handed in my resignation, [...]
My faults aren’t really illustrated. I don’t have drawings or photos of them. Though I’d love to own a camera that catches people’s faults, and not just the patently obvious ones, like when you’ve buried your nose in a pint of chocolate chip ice cream and look up, chocolate crusting the corners of your mouth, [...]
